The Final Fantasy Vending Machine

your brain mushed up and corroded the VMs operating mechanisms. while you wait for a new machine, you get arrested for damaging public property.

*inserts imaginary rubber chicken into imaginary VM, as replacement has not yet arrived*

You get Death Cult Armageddon, the most pissed off album ever created. Congrats.

*inserts the ripped off face of Jesus*

The replacement has arrived. (cuse you DarkVivi!) You get a turd.

*inserts coin*

you recieve a note telling you that you are nothing but a nebula-sized turd in a galactic toilet

*inserts empty can of deodorant*

U get a foam middle finger!

*inserts the Void to consume whatever's inside...*

the Void returns, consuming you. You look around to discover it has also consumed a pair of christmas socks, 4 candy bars, a small puppy and an African child.

*inserts Joker*

You get a joker doll with a string to pull out of its back. Whenever you pull the string, he says "Why so serious?"

*inserts postbit*

you get a funblade

*inserts Miley Cyrus*

You get a miley cyrus game.

*Inserts Materia*

you get pepper

*inserts condom and a pin*

U get LOVELESS.

*Inserts the legendary golden spoon*

you get Quina-in-a-can

::inserts spork::

you get a knife

*inserts lamp*

U get a wooden chocobo

*inserts a stale cheeto*

you get a box of corn flakes

*inserts coco pops*

U get .01 zenny.

*Inserts rathalos ruby*

you get a supply of scars and blisters

*inserts a crane strapped to a rocket*

U get a zombie and he eats your brains!

*Inserts some fleas*

You get a dog with an upset stomach

*inserts a kunai*

U get an ENORMOUS DECAPITATED TUMOR!!!

*Inserts straw*

You get a coke..... a diet coke! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*inserts raw caffine*

U get the T-virus.

*takes Diet Coke, gets a bag of Mentos, puts them in the bottle, closes it tightly, and inserts it into the machine...*

you get arrested for damaging public property, as your coke/mentos bomb destroyed the machine.

*inserts hope that new machine arrives quickly*

U get a "kiss my ass" letter from me in jail, but no new vending machine.

*Inserts Dr. Robotnik into the vending machine in prison...*

You get some eggnog spiced with rum

::inserts rest of rum::

you get frozen rum

*inserts the time egg from chrono trigger*

the new machine has arrived! you get a blitzball, signed by the Besaid blitzball team

*inserts moogle*

you get a sith and not the dark side kind

::inserts frozen rum::

you get a new type of alcoholic beverage that you would have invented in the future

*inserts a guru holding a hermonica*

U get buttsecks

*Inserts rusty chainsaw*