In Every Relationship....

[noxious.sunshine]

.... There is a Reacher, and a Settler.

(Got that from How I Met Your Mother. Fav. Show.)

Debate / Discuss.

GO!

(I totally think that's true, though. lol)

[the_savior21]

Aww nobody wants to participate ill bite love the show so let's dance.

Imo, in most cases there is a reacher and a settler in every relationship there are a few cases otherwise.

I think the concept of a reacher and a settler is so funny and ironic though. For example typical high school stereo type nerd thinks head cheerleader over there is just aces. He musters up the courage to go ask her to the dance. The cheerleader doesn't have anyone to go with yet so why not she says. STOP the nerd obviously the reacher who is she and possibly socially awkward builds the courage to ask out the top of the pyramid (see what I did there?) so he lays all his cards in the table and he's all in. The cheerleader who he tries so hard to reach for, desperate cuz she didn't have a date settles because of feat of not getting one. so the irony sits in the fact that the nerd had to reach for a girl that was already willing to settle and i think this is almost always the case. And everything has to be perfect the stars align bing bang bong They grow up get married have 30 kids blah blah

In other cases its just boring cuz it's either 2 people approaching 40 that both settle because they are the best they can get and they happened to run is to each other or, the annoying couple that both would claim are reachers bleh.

In any case I think relationships need the reacher settler system. Unless they make it a competition of both thinking they are the settler and making a fight (like Marshall and lily) it is healthy and beneficial for the relationship because for one it helps define the relationship in a way that not parties can agree on ( at least if the reacher doesn't find it insulting) and for two it make the settler feel needed and the reacher feel confident. In an essence there made for each other.

[che]

I think that's absolutely absurd. In some cases in relationships there may be a reacher or settler. Just because someone is a nerd, doesn't mean he's the one reaching for whatever reason society makes the cheerleader the "settler". Absolutely ridiculous thought.

What if the nerd gets a career as an engineer and is making six figures practically out of college, and the cheerleader decides to stay with him. After all, he is a great guy. Who's the reacher now? Why are we thinking the cheerleader is some bimbo? Perhaps she is a straight A student taking AP classes in biology, and is persuing a degree in the medical field? Does that mean they are both settling on each other? Or both reaching?

The only way that "reachers" and "settlers" work as a concept, is if you believe it does. If you give in to what society thinks is the norm, or just think ugly chicks reach for hot dudes who settle for them, or hot cheerleaders settle for nerdy, reacher guys, then it works. But it's way more complicated than that, thankfully.

And for the record that show is one of the worst shows of all time. I can see why it's popular though.

[loaf]

Guys, this really attractive girl I know fell in love with this guy who is like not attractive but has a good job and personality. Is she bad? Cause like I tink she is a gold diggero r somethin you. know?

[the_savior21]

I was speaking in terms of a stereotypical hypothetical situation in high school. Nobody assumed the blond was some bimbo idk where you got that from and you can't be an engineer in high school.

Basically it's my opinion that as a relationship develops maybe it gets different nobody said as soon as a relationship starts its set to stay that way forever? Your taking this too seriously but I won't say your opinion is ridiculous or absurd. If you don't think there are reachers and settlers then fine but I, among others believe that there is. And besides if a couple wants to believe that there are reachers and settlers, who are you to tell them otherwise it's not your relationship.

[che]

I was speaking in terms of a stereotypical hypothetical situation in high school. Nobody assumed the blond was some bimbo idk where you got that from and you can't be an engineer in high school.

We are assuming that she is attractive, thus head of cheerleaders. She's physically able to lead cheerleaders, or be the top of the pyramid, therefore somewhat attractive, stereotypically. I also created a hypothetical, stereotypical situation in which the nerd graduates college after highschool and becomes a career engineer. Thus demonstrating he is worth reaching for, just as the cheerleader had something to reach for (her being physically fit). If I'm not allowed to judge a simple stereotypical hypothetical relationship, then you can't either, lol. Or do you just mean there is someone who asks someone else out and someone who "settles" by saying yes in every relationship?

Basically it's my opinion that as a relationship develops maybe it gets different nobody said as soon as a relationship starts its set to
stay that way forever?

That is exactly why I created a reverse scenario as an example to show that even with the same people, years later, one could be the reacher and the other the settler. They in fact, both "settled" as all of you would put it and both "reached" higher than they are at some point. But if both can reach and settle, then it sounds like a shit relationship, as they are very shallow. Those work for some people though.

Your taking this too seriously but I won't say your opinion is ridiculous or absurd.

Because it's not absurd to think that they are not reachers and settlers in every relationship, as the title of the post said.

If you don't think there are reachers and settlers then fine but I, among others believe that there is. And besides if a couple wants to believe that there are reachers and settlers, who are you to tell them otherwise it's not your relationship.

I am someone who can tell them there aren't, because the thread asked me my opinion. I also said in my first post that if a couple chose to believe that, or if one did reach and one did in fact settle, there are reachers and settlers. But the thread specifically asked about if there is a settler and a reacher in every relationship. There isn't.

In fact, research shows that people are attracted to people on their same level of attractiveness. If you wanna go the physical route.

PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS: I don't hate you. Like, at all. And you're right, I do take things too seriously.

[the_savior21]

I didn't try to take away from your scenario I just assumed you were trying to be contradictory to mine. There is nothing wrong with your reverse scenario I agree with you somewhat anybody can be a reacher or a settler it just depends on what your reaching for (or settling for)

I don't think that every relationship has then I gave examples and I'm sure there are others.

Regardless every relationship is going to have there little quirks and that fun little reacher settler conversation could be one of those quirks and then something you can share together. In other cases it could be a hindered e in a relationship.

It also depends on your definition of the theory (for lack of a better word) what constitutes a reacher stuff like that. All I'm saying is that it happens and in my opinion it's more often then not.

By the way your scenario paints a picture in which attractiveness is irrelevant so by definition your point regarding people being attracted to people of near equal attractiveness is also irrelevant to the reacher settler concept.
(Btw I would be using quotes but I'm on my mobile and it's quite a pain to do so. Over and over again in each post)

[noxious.sunshine]

o.o;

I'm amazed that this even turned into a thing.... After 6 months.

[the_savior21]

Well it didn't become much of one

[noxious.sunshine]

That pretty much. lulz.

I often wonder which one I am. I tend to think of myself as the reacher 'cuz the last oh... Every serious boyfriend (all 3 of them) I've ever had was like the "popular hot guy" who also coincidentally didn't even -want- to be in a relationship.

Yeah buddy. I'm good at roping them in.

Anywho. I've learned to think of myself in a higher regard. Because if I don't, then why would anyone else? What you put out is what you get back. If you have low self-esteem & confidence and think that you aren't worth it, then no one else will think you are either. And if you waste your time in a state of self-loathing and constantly saying "oh I'm ugly" or "oh I'm not good enough", then people will get turned off. 'cuz that shit is annoying. And then they will never talk to you again.... or be wary of you anyway.

[loaf]

I actually viewed the OP post to see what it was. My question is why do people base tv shows off of real life situations?

[Rowan]

I think loaf means, why do people relate fiction with reality? In this particular scenario, you are treating it as if it applies for everyone, and at least assuming it applies to anyone at all.

[the_savior21]

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Of someone thinks its everywhere and someone else thinks its nowhere, who's to say which of them is right or wrong? Who has the right to take away an opinion? Even when faced with facts, whether its arrogance or determination, you still have an opinion.

Nobody can say for sure on this thread that it does or doesn't exist. We can discuss each others opinions agree or disagree, argue, support, and theoretically we could do it forever. So there is no right answer only what you believe.

In my personal opinion, it's a thing, reachers and settlers are all around. Not everybody maybe most? maybe half and half? Or less even. But I think it's out there.

[Rowan]

For a relationship to function, both people need to be 'reachers'. If I need to explain what that means, then you are not ready to be in a relationship.

[che]

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Of someone thinks its everywhere and someone else thinks its nowhere, who's to say which of them is right or wrong? Who has the right to take away an opinion? Even when faced with facts, whether its arrogance or determination, you still have an opinion.

Nobody can say for sure on this thread that it does or doesn't exist. We can discuss each others opinions agree or disagree, argue, support, and theoretically we could do it forever. So there is no right answer only what you believe.

In my personal opinion, it's a thing, reachers and settlers are all around. Not everybody maybe most? maybe half and half? Or less even. But I think it's out there.

I enjoy your mentality of "who are you to take away someone else's opinion". But what is yours? We have mostly basically agreed so far in this thread. That not everyone is a reacher or a settler?

And maybe there is no right or wrong here. But if you mean there is no right or wrong in anyone's opinion, ever, then I would argue that we can actually be judgemental and it not be necessarily a bad thing. We can decide that certain people are bad, etc. Entirely different argument, but I felt compelled to say that.

For a relationship to function, both people need to be 'reachers'. If I need to explain what that means, then you are not ready to be in a relationship.

And, I am just nitpicking here, but...There are many relationships that "function" (or last the test of time, if you will say that's functioning) where one person may have settled and another was a reacher. But I do agree that it shouldn't be that way. And for me, I'd need both people to "try" in order for me to be happy.

[the_savior21]

I would say that we have agreed that its not in every relationship but I think it still exists. As for both being reachers ? It happens a lot it makes it interesting in the relationship.

I'm not saying there is never a right or wrong in everyone's opinion I'm just saying that anyone can choose to believe what ever they want even when faced with facts for example I know that in ffx tidus is a dream of the fayth. That's a fact from the game. But I could disagree and say he is just a ghost or an unsent or a real person. We know the truth but I could choose to believe what I want. Ignorance is bliss. Weather I'm wrong or not, if that's what I believe nobody can forcibly change that. You are right they can judge me all they want but my opinion is my opinion. Understand what I'm getting at? I'm not saying there is never a right or wrong decision I just mean you don't have to believe anything even if its true. You can be an ignorant fool your whole life. Just good luck making friends.

[OceanEyes28]

A couple days ago, I was making a list of things about my own relationship to make the point that people reach for their partners in different ways. Like "well he's good at this, and I'm good at that... and he's good at this and... also this. And this and that. And this," and then started realizing that I really feel like I'M reaching. But I guarantee he would argue and say that if anyone is reaching, it would be him. That's how he is. Maybe people outside this (or any) relationship will have a varying opinion on who reached for whom based on their own priorities in a partner, but I don't think either of us feels like we settled. Our baby faces go pretty well together.



P.S. NOT BAD FOR SOMEONE WHO JUST WOKE UP FROM ANESTHESIA!

[Rowan]

And, I am just nitpicking here, but...There are many relationships that "function" (or last the test of time, if you will say that's functioning) where one person may have settled and another was a reacher. But I do agree that it shouldn't be that way. And for me, I'd need both people to "try" in order for me to be happy.

What I meant to say was pretty much what you are saying here. Both people need to be giving in order for a happy healthy relationship to progress. Sure, some people are happy being the one that makes the effort, but certainly these kind of relationships are often doomed to failure.

[NikkiLinkle]

My opinion is that in a relationship both parties or all parties (depending on what kind of relationship you have) should put in EQUAL EFFORT. Doesn't mean it will happen, but hey that's my OPINION. I'll just say opinion once more! Sorry for being rude ^_^ But at the end of the day someone's relationship and the way it works is nobody else's business but theirs.

There was a time I used to like that show, but then they just went on and on and on and I never got any closer to knowing how the **** this douche met his children's mother so I just gave up and now idgaf how he met her.

Peace.

[Unknown Entity]

I don't think either me or Dave are "reachers" or settlers; I'd say we're both equal and view each other as such.

Doesn't the idea of reaching make you feel... well, "unreachable"? And the idea of settling make you feel like you deserve better? I don't think any real relationship has either - this sounds like more of a dating game mechanic. I don't think of a relationship is a game, but other than sharing the real game of life with someone else who takes it as more or less serious as you.

Am I or is he more attractive than the other? I don't give a ****ing shit. We're together. What counts is that we're together and make each other feel like the greatest person in the world. I guess you could say settled, but only because we've settled with the best person we can be with.

/soppybitching

[loaf]

I think loaf means, why do people relate fiction with reality? In this particular scenario, you are treating it as if it applies for everyone, and at least assuming it applies to anyone at all.

I didn't assume. My question was mainly directed to the person whose post I actually viewed.

[Rowan]

I didn't assume. My question was mainly directed to the person whose post I actually viewed.

only the first sentence was directed at you. The rest was directed toward OP and those who agreed.

[charlesgo]

Guys, this really attractive girl I know fell in love with this guy who is like not attractive but has a good job and personality. Is she bad? Cause like I tink she is a gold diggero r somethin you. know?

Why don't you spend some more quality time with her and be sharp in your observation.