relationship situation

[the_savior21]

ok now heres the deal, there is a girl and we have been really good friends since like october so about 6 months. in october i started to generate feelings for her but my gf at the time flipped out on me so i pushed them to the back of my head. just recently my and said gf are now seperated and all the feelings for my friend are rushing back to me in the past couple of days. she says that she just wants time to figure things out for herself and that we are so close she doesnt wanna lose that. after consulting with my thearpist (not a real therapist just a good friend and also a coworker) we talked about how because we are so close that i dont know if she believes the way i feel about her (she knows btw) now the therapist said that something i could do to get her to see that was to contact the star registry and name a star after her. i have never met anyboy on this forum irl so i would venture to guess that all of you are the most outside opinion i can get. i just would like to know what anybody thinks about this situation and anything advice would be well appriceated also. (sorry i am a terrible speller)

[Rowan]

I'd like to know more before I made any judgements. Things such as how long you and your ex girlfriend were together for before you seperated, if the seperation was final, how close you live to each other, the variation of good times and bad times that you had with your ex girlfriend, were there any problems? Would you consider yourself a loyal person? How old are you and your ex girlfriend. Do you think your friend that you have feelings for is more physically appealing than your ex girlfriend? Why do you want to be in a relationship etc etc.

[the_savior21]

I'd like to know more before I made any judgements. Things such as how long you and your ex girlfriend were together for before you seperated, if the seperation was final, how close you live to each other, the variation of good times and bad times that you had with your ex girlfriend, were there any problems? Would you consider yourself a loyal person? How old are you and your ex girlfriend. Do you think your friend that you have feelings for is more physically appealing than your ex girlfriend? Why do you want to be in a relationship etc etc.

2 years, yes it is final without question the relationship had become toxic and unhealthy for both of us, if you mean the girl i like now she lives about 20 minutes away, good times and bad times about evened out, problems all the time, yes i am very loyal, im 19 she is 17, i think its a wash on the physically appealing point, iv had bottled up feelings for this girl for the past six months we had known eachother for awhile before but really didnt start being good friends till after the blow up in october. so all these feelings that i have had bottled up for her just surfaced and me and her talked about it so she knows how i feel other people that know of the situation think that she has some of the same feelings. She is a really cool person and she is exactly my type of girl and i know this sounds corny but aside from people that i have actually been in a relationship with i have never had feelings like this for anyone else in my life which i know that im only 19 but its still kind of a big deal for me

[Cyanist]

Has your 'friend' had a boyfriend before, or is this all new to her?

[the_savior21]

yes she has had a couple thats why she says that she needs to have time to figure things out for herself because she is looking for a longterm relationship and the guys that she has been with all screw her over and are immature and things of that sort

[sayian]

first thing i had to check was your age.. At 19, waiting on some1 is NOT the best idea for either of you.. if you let your gf slip away, she'll be gone for good(or atleast for a long time). i mean, just like u said

ok now heres the deal, there is a girl and we have been really good friends since like october so about 6 months. in october i started to generate feelings for her but my gf at the time flipped out on me so i pushed them to the back of my head. just recently my and said gf are now seperated and all the feelings for my friend are rushing back to me in the past couple of days.

^ you haven't experienced enough to know if either girl is what u want and need. and same goes for them. But as of now, u dont have either of them and at any time they can find some douche bag that they fall stupid(another word for "crazy in love") for. so my advice is to either go left, right, or straight, but u gotta make a move... its a gamble, and its a bitch..lol

[the_savior21]

well i dont know what you mean by wait for someone being as like wait for as in a physical way as in like until she turns 18 or what but yea it is a bitch tough decision i posted this thread to get an honest opinion from an outside source you know but i think you are right about it bein a bitch

[sayian]

i ment "wait" (on a commitment) as in, if ur new ex sits back and wait on you she could lose u to the other chik just as well as u possibly losing either or both of them if u wait... if u make certain things happen, other things will.. timing is a big deal

[IcyJJ]

Dating sucks.

With that said, any person you have to convince them to go out with you is wasted energy. In my opinion, you did everything that you should do already. You asked her. That is all you should do. Once you ask, you already have shown her that you have the feelings that you do. The ball is in her court now.

If she wants to be friends, stay that way. Continue to hang out with her and do not change anything. She will remember what you said and how you feel. Her feelings may change over time. Young love always does.

Speaking of which, you may find that feelings may change yourself. As Sayian said, you are only 19. Someone may come along that will completely change the playing field. I started dating my wife when I was 19, but that doesn't always happen. My best friend is 27 now and single. There is no specific age that says you have to be together with anyone. Keep yourself open to many possibilities. If she comes around and changes her mind, awesome. If not, you still have a good friend and you are open for the next lady.

[the_savior21]

i ment "wait" (on a commitment) as in, if ur new ex sits back and wait on you she could lose u to the other chik just as well as u possibly losing either or both of them if u wait... if u make certain things happen, other things will.. timing is a big deal

i never actually thought about timing being such a big deal well done excellent point

[Rhaps]

Unless you want to get married young, avoid long-term relationships. They suck and aren't all that great. Act like you don't give a shit about either of them, it helps a lot for your self esteem.

[Crescent]

Fkng Hate relationships. Pointless and they do my head in. People say they are happier in relationship?! Fk that. I feel a Gazillion times better alone. You really dont need anyone. Better alone than in bad company. For me they're much better things to spend my energy and time on. Emotions are too unstable. As are people.

[Pete]

Holy run on sentence Batman! This isn't some bullshit Nicholas Sparks book; this is real life. If you want this other girl, just make a move. From what I gather, this whole thing stemmed from the new girl; the blowup and all that.

That being said, if things are over and done with your ex, then what's to stop you from asking this new girl out? Yes, I know it can suck to be single after a long relationship, especially if things ended poorly, but just consider if you really want to be with this infatuation, or if you just want to be with someone for the sake of companionship.

Also, if you're 19 and she's 17, I'm gonna have to assume that one if not both of you are either in, or are planning on going to college, where... you'll both meet tons of new and interesting people.

And sayain is right, don't carry a torch for any girl who doesn't feel the same way for you. You can like people all you want, but don't pidgeon hole yourself into thinking that there can only be one girl for you. You'll miss out on a whole lot of potential, and a lot of fun on the side.

[Unknown Entity]

I will be quite honest, but if a boy or girl named a star after me to prove feelings to me, I wouldn't go weak at the knees. She might not even be into you, and it might be a little too soon to do something as cute or romantic as that.

Make a small move. Ask her if she wants to hang out after work one day (makes sure to imply "one day" - let her decide when, and suggesting a day might be pushy). If she accepts, or is enthusiastic about it, you could then surprise her one day with a cupcake or her favourite milkshake at her work place, to make her smile and suggest that you thought of her when you bought it (or baked it - that's nicer).

Just don't go running after her if she has no interest in you. Asking her if she wants to hang out one day will be the first clue to you.

[OceanEyes28]

Gotta wonder about all the relationship hate I'm seeing. I am happier for mine. Even (especially?) my previous relationships were worth having, and I wouldn't take them back. Personally, I think I'd be a needier and batshittier gf without them.

But shitty relationships CAN stink up your life, so my advice is to be careful about entering into one. There's a period between "interested" and "relationship," it's really important, and a lot of young lovers skip it. "Oh, we kissed? We're in a relationship." You don't have to commit to that immediately, and you shouldn't. I knew current bf (as "more than friends" ie: dating, but not bf/gf) for two months before we were a couple. Not saying you have to wait that long, but you CAN.

I'd say let this girl know you're interested. It seems like you have (or at least she knows you are?). If she comes around and says she's interested in you too, great. If she doesn't, let it be and continue as friends. Anything more might risk pushing her away entirely. You don't have to tell her all of your feelings right from the start (in fact... don't). Just let her know you'd like to know more about her. If all goes well, you can start revealing more about how into her you are.

So.... I'm saying test the waters and be cautious... but I'm all for relationships if the two people are good for each other.


P.S. Hold off on the star thing until later. She might be the kind of girl who will appreciate grand gestures after she's told someone to back up and take things slowly, but that's a big might. You could easily freak her the **** out. Respect her as an individual with a past and complex emotions, not just as someone you want to makeout with.

And resist the urge to feel entitled to her affections because you're "such a nice guy."

[the_savior21]

Thanks everyone for all ur opinions and keep em coming

[Rowan]

Just based off of personal experience, don't attempt to have a serious relationship with someone that young and If you do, dont expect it to last. To many girls that age, a serious relationship to them means that you wont be with any other girls or cheat on them, thats it. They just want to have someone to commit to them. They dont think about what i means to be in a relationship, the sacrifices that sometimes need to be taken into account, they dont think about your feelings, they wont consider what it means to truly care for someone. Sure this may be a generalization, but its a generalization for a reason, because most of the time its true.

If you truly want a serious relationship, seek an older woman or increase your ability to judge character. One way to determine if someone is right for you is to find out what their intentions are. If someone doesnt want you at your worst, then they dont deserve you at your best.

[the_savior21]

Well we are already really close and like in terms of a relationship we are both basically looking for eachother like idk how to explain it like she is looking for a more mature guy who is looking for a long term relationship and im lookin for a girl thats not gonna mind that im gonna be off at college and she has dealt with that before and been fine with it its just that the other guy didnt care enough to make time for her which i am perfectly able to do especially since i have 4 months to build something before i actually leave for college

[LocoColt04]

It sounds a bit like you already know what you're looking for, and more importantly, that you know what SHE is looking for. If this is true, is your only hangup the ex-girlfriend?

Are you worried that moving on will cause your ex to flip shit and leave your life? If that's the case, she's not worth keeping around as a friend. If your ex can't tolerate the idea of moving forward, she will NEVER be a good friend for you... she will only continue to be as toxic as you said she was during the relationship, and serve a purpose only to cause pain for you.

If that is the case, quit her ass cold turkey.

As for new girl...

Listen to everything OceanEyes28 had to say. She's been on the receiving end of that kind of attention before and knows exactly what she's talking about. Can she really speak for your new girl? No, because they aren't the same person, but chances are she's got a really good idea of what not to do.

Most importantly: Take care of yourself. Don't make the same mistakes I've made and sacrifice your own happiness for someone who may not share that same level of commitment. Don't dedicate yourself to someone you haven't even "won" (should you choose to look at it that way).

[che]

I bought that bitch a star. Bitches love stars.

[the_savior21]

Im very glad that there are people out there who are taking this seriously and i appreciate that whole heartily. Thank you everyone for all the advice and any new advice is still going to be welcome with open ears.

Pete, Rowen, OceanEyes and Loco thank you very much your advice is much appreciated and you all gave a confidence boost

Che, they do love stars

UnknownEnitity, Saiyan, and IcyJJ thank you for being brutely honest and showing the downsides

Like i said and i know im being redundant but i really do appreciate this from everyone

[che]

Im very glad that there are people out there who are taking this seriously and i appreciate that whole heartily. Thank you everyone for all the advice and any new advice is still going to be welcome with open ears.

Pete, Rowen, OceanEyes and Loco thank you very much your advice is much appreciated and you all gave a confidence boost

Che, they do love stars

UnknownEnitity, Saiyan, and IcyJJ thank you for being brutely honest and showing the downsides

Like i said and i know im being redundant but i really do appreciate this from everyone

Godspeed, sir.

[the_savior21]

just an update for all of you that are following this you deserve to know that i took the leap and paid to have the star named after her so now its just fingers crossed and wait for the right time to tell her exactly what she is getting

[LocoColt04]

I hope your therapist doesn't get a commission from the star registry every time he gets someone to name a star.

In all seriousness though - good on you for making a move that you feel comfortable with. I hope she does not freak out over it, because it is a grand gesture that may come off as bordering the line between super sweet and mildly obsessive. If she is a smart girl, and if you two are really close friends already, she may not look at it the wrong way.

Best of luck. Let us know.

[Pete]

I know a guy at work who bought an acre on the moon, when he got divorced his wife got it. True story

[the_savior21]

I hope your therapist doesn't get a commission from the star registry every time he gets someone to name a star.

In all seriousness though - good on you for making a move that you feel comfortable with. I hope she does not freak out over it, because it is a grand gesture that may come off as bordering the line between super sweet and mildly obsessive. If she is a smart girl, and if you two are really close friends already, she may not look at it the wrong way.

Best of luck. Let us know.

I may have left out the part about my therapist being my friends mom its not a real therapist coulda been though

[Rowan]

I know a guy at work who bought an acre on the moon, when he got divorced his wife got it. True story

Who owns the moon to be able to sell it to people? I've always wondered that.

[Pete]

I don't really know, but apparently you can buy an acre parcel for 20 bucks. It's the same people who let you buy and name stars, so I'm sure it's totally legit.

[Alpha]

I keep getting ads on Facebook telling me I can buy plots of land in Scotland for some reason. I'm not sure how romantic that is. 'I couldn't afford a star, so I got you some craggy ass loch'. Also those people selling land on the Moon? If it is legit, they're totally stupid. Hold on to that shit until Moon colonies exist. Imagine owning an acre parcel of Manhattan.

[Cyanist]

I keep getting ads on Facebook telling me I can buy plots of land in Scotland for some reason. I'm not sure how romantic that is. 'I couldn't afford a star, so I got you some craggy ass loch'. Also those people selling land on the Moon? If it is legit, they're totally stupid. Hold on to that shit until Moon colonies exist. Imagine owning an acre parcel of Manhattan.

Why, darling, it's just what I wanted! Land in Scotland! I absolutely agree on the moon thing, that's just garbage made up by money-grubbers under the name of sentiment. Just pick her a flower, she'll get the point. Why does everything have to be expensive?