You make your own choices.
Your breakdowns in college are either clinical, or endulgence of the feeling of anxiety.

Bleieve it or not, it is possible to drive yourself crazy.
Theres a lot of good advice in this thread and nobody wants you to do anything destructive.

My advice is stop being afraid.
Go to the soup kitchen and ask if you can help.
Go to the gym and openly look lame while you figure out how equipment works.
Say whats on your mind to people, even if its weird.
At worst, you'll be called the strange person, but who isn't?

Look at yourself in the mirror and see the things you like,
Then look at the things you don't like, inside and out and vow to change them for the better.

I have done all of these things.

I was the lame, weak, dumb loser once.
That person is a memory now that drives me forward.