World domination redux

[Pete]

I will headbutt anyone who moves this into wordgames. Be warned.

The name of the game is to dominate the world. Take whatever country/ continent you like, and embellish the shit out of them. Make alliances and battle with other members for their territory. It's just like RISK, but way more racist and probably even more hilarious. The only rules are no 'one hit kills' and keep it fun. Oh, and no one liners.

Just list the area you'd like to take over and what kind of army you're amassing.

I'm starting out with Antarctica. I've got an army consisting of penguins riding polar bears. They might not fly, but they'll bite the shit out of you. Oh and they can shove ice cubes down your pants.

[Zerobanshee]

I claim The Artic Circle as Ruin's territory, where we use our seals, otters, orca whales and walruses to attack with fat whisker biscuits. They love to swim, and are distracted by trout, but god help you if you get caught under their bellies.

We'll begin our invasion by producing a large number of trout, and introducing them into different habitats. This will encourage the Walrus Reich to invade, and potentially get food. This is Step 1 of our attack.

[Tiffany]

Hmm... okay.

I'll be Canada. I know... original much?

I have an army of tobogganers who shoot rocket launchers and a stealth army of Pot Smokers. They have high infiltration skills!

[Che]

Fuck, I wanted Antarctica. Now I guess I will have to take it over, or ally with Pete.

I'm gonna go with Colombia. Good weather, scenery, hot women, drugs. You'll have to march through a hot as shit jungle and sneak past my body guards with machine guns to reach me.

[Taco-Calamitous]

I'll take the Pacific Northwest-south of the Canadian border. Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana... I've got bears, mountain lions, coyotes, rabid hippies from Eugene, Portland, and probably Seattle, and country hicks with guns from elsewhere watching my borders. Watch out, or we'll send you all our damned rain. Maybe bits of a beached whale that we exploded too, just showering down on you. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Pete]

Che, I'll team up with you. My penguins need blow. It helps them to build the igloos faster, and makes them even more violent.

I'll let you into my ice base in exchange for some blow for the penguins and some hot chicks. I'll even give you some sealskin parkas.

[Che]

Yeah I can't use all this blow and all these women by myself. Deal, sir.

One more thing, can we decorate your ice base to look like the Hoth base in The Empire Strikes Back?

[Pete]

Che, you've totally got yourself a deal.

For now, lets enjoy our Colombian whores while my coke-addled penguins fortify our, well fortress. I say we call ourselves Team 8-28.

[Violet]

I claim Australia. I will pwn you all with my crocs, tazmanian devils, kangaroos, dingos, and a variety of venomous snakes/insects. WE WILL CONQUER, MATEY!

My crocs have lazorbeams! FTW!!

[Zerobanshee]

Violet, I declare a Treaty inbetween the Artic Assemilation and your Australian Territory. Together, we can bring peace to the world.

I offer trout, and ice cream as my part of the deal, to provide an icon of my friendship.

[Violet]

Then I shall hang the trout upon my wall as a souvenir of our alliance.. and consume the ice cream! We shall be.. THE A-TEAM!!

[Josh_R]

I claim Northeastern Russia, my Spetsnaz will silently kill all in their sleep. And with our awesome Sambo fighter's such as Andre Arlovski and the world's baddest SOB Fedor Emilianenko none can fight us...

[Unknown Entity]

I claim the Oceans. B*tch, you can't tell me I can't damnit.

Also I'd like a home in Los Angeles with a nice view. Actually, screw it - Los Angeles is mine. I'm kicking everyone out, and only letting the hawt chicks from PRK9 in.

AND I want part of Japan. I shall supply my minions with good Japanese RPG's. If the owner of Japan fails to comply, I'll... chuck the Hollywood sign them.

[Dr_Flea]

Im going to take over England.....because lets be honest who the **** want to invade England. Its cold miserable and dirty!!!

However my Arsenal includes Little old lady with cups of tea who will bring about ...NANNAGEDDON!!!!!! and if anyone really wants to invade/Allience i reall Bring nothing to the table!!!!

~Dr_Flea~

[Jin]

I claim Northeastern Russia, my Spetsnaz will silently kill all in their sleep. And with our awesome Sambo fighter's such as Andre Arlovski and the world's baddest SOB Fedor Emilianenko none can fight us...

North Eastern Russia meaning North Eastern Siberia or Moscow or the Urals? Gotta be a bit more specific there.

At any rate, I claim the rest of Russia in the name of Communism and the rebirth of the Soviet Union. It seems we've got another civil war on our hands here to reunite the Motherland. The Extraordinary Commission lives again!

Attentions citizens of Greater Russia. Kisuke and his administration are responsible for all your woes, especially your alcohol problem. Support the communists and you will gain the power to will yourself in and out of a drunken stupor on command. Death to the imperialists!

Unknown Entity. I seek a treaty with you. In your infinite power over the seas, I ask that you blockade any supplies from making it to Kisuke's territory through your waters. In exchange, I will poor vodka into the ocean on a regular basis and demand that only the sexiest of my people swim in your waters. What say you?

[Tiffany]

Im going to take over England.....because lets be honest who the **** want to invade England. Its cold miserable and dirty!!!

However my Arsenal includes Little old lady with cups of tea who will bring about ...NANNAGEDDON!!!!!! and if anyone really wants to invade/Allience i reall Bring nothing to the table!!!!

~Dr_Flea~

I totally want to be a part of the Nanageddon! Aren't we already affiliated?

[Josh_R]

North Eastern Russia meaning North Eastern Siberia or Moscow or the Urals? Gotta be a bit more specific there.

I meant Moscow and North Eastern Siberia Jin...

At any rate, I claim the rest of Russia in the name of Communism and the rebirth of the Soviet Union. It seems we've got another civil war on our hands here to reunite the Motherland. The Extraordinary Commission lives again!

Communism fell for a reason, the people of mother Russia will bow to me before ever going back to communsim, mwahahahaha(gotta love an evil laugh)

Attentions citizens of Greater Russia. Kisuke and his administration are responsible for all your woes, especially your alcohol problem. Support the communists and you will gain the power to will yourself in and out of a drunken stupor on command. Death to the imperialists!

Damnit Jin noone was supposed to know we were the cause of the alcohol issue, for exposing the truth you shall die.

Ruin, Violet it seems the communist are on the rise, I wish a treaty between our lands. Ruin I offer you an unlimited supply of alcohol for your trout, this will allow them to go in and out of a drunken frenzy. Violet I offer the beautiful land of Australia the finest training in hand to hand combat. Join the Anti-Communism movement now...


On a side note I have decided to invade the land of Croatia making it mine. With my newly gained territory I have gained the power of one of the world's most feared police forces. This is led by the diplomat/MMA fighter Mirko Filapovich(spelled wrong probably).

[Dr_Flea]

By all means ur welcome to be part of the Nannageddon!!!!!!

Just make a small sacrafice to the Nannas and you shall have their allegience!!!

~Dr_Flea~

[Jin]

Honestly though, who really wants Croatia? The great armies of Communism have conquered the weak and pathetic states of Ukraine, Belarus and Poland. Ukrainians shall be starved, Poles shall be massacred and dumped into mass graves for no adequately explained reason and Belorussians will be made honourary low grade cadres. I also claim the Baltic circle - Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Finland and the St. Petersburg area. St. Petersburg shall be renamed "Jintatsugrad" and Warsaw shall be renamed "Capital of Worthless Peoples." I also call the Crimea and the Volga. My leading officials need vacations.

Vladimir Putin will be appointed a seat on the Politburo and the Sovnarkom as Commissar of Internal Affairs as well as head of the VeCheka.

Chekists: the Sovnarkom has decreed that our enemies are right at our doorsteps. It is therefore your duty to summarily execute anyone suspected of being an agent of the forces of imperialism, be they saboteurs, speculators or political riff-raff. Those who execute less than a dozen enemy agents each month will be disciplined severely and denied vodka. those exceeding their targets will be rewarded. Long live the revolution!

Attention citizens of Greater Russia: The Kisuke administration has sex with livestock on a daily basis. Any time you have lost a pig or a cow, or found your goat dead when it was perfectly healthy the day before, it is due to the sexual violation committed by the Kisuke administration and its agents. My dog was raped by Kisuke himself. He WILL be avenged!

[Josh_R]

Attention citizens of Greater Russia: The Kisuke administration has sex with livestock on a daily basis. Any time you have lost a pig or a cow, or found your goat dead when it was perfectly healthy the day before, it is due to the sexual violation committed by the Kisuke administration and its agents. My dog was raped by Kisuke himself. He WILL be avenged!

You dare to slander me you communist whore. Very well if wish to have a civil war then I am game. Whether in the air or on the ground I shall not allow you communist bastards to come to power again.



Great people of Russia do not believe the propaganda that Jin and his cabinet speaks of. Me and my administration would never fornicate with the livestock that feeds this great country of ours. Jin and his dastardly crew are the cause of global warming they are the reason that our winter's have started to fade and become just a bit hotter. They are also the cause of Ivan Drago getting beaten in the Rocky movies, Russia has been made of foolf for the last time you commie bastards are going down.

Stand with us and we will make sure that no families go hungry, we will make sure that everyone has money to spend. No longer will your children go without an education.

Jin wishes a communist nation where everyone is told what to do. Equality is what he wishes but is this a good or bad thing you will have little to no freedom you decisions will be made for you, support the Kisuke administration and your freedom will last a life time...

[Jin]

Pravda, issue 3:
Trust the bourgeois ruling class to underestimate the intelligence of the people by resorting to cheap trickery. But the proletarian masses will not be fooled. Kisuke has not denied having sexually violated your livestock, he only denies that he has not fornicated with it. How much more despicable is he and his administration that they insist on marrying animals before proceeding to molest them? Kisuke is not only in favour of sexually violating livestock, but is also in favour of taking away your right to fornicate with your chosen, human partner. The economic repression of his administration is only peered by the religious oppression he advocates. Rise up, great proletarian masses! Rise up and free yourself from the shackles of religious oppression and raped livestock! Rise up and smash the bourgeois state! Power to the Proletariat!

The Kisukle administration blames the proletariat for global warming, as if to say that we are guilty of winning the war against nature. This is proof, valiant workers! Proof that the Kisuke administration has all along been conspiring with the weather to ruin your lives. Every son and daughter you've lost to the cold, every driveway you've had to shovel, every car that wouldn't start, all were byproducts of the bourgeois alliance with the weather. Now we are winning the war against weather and the Kisuke administration has the gall to portray our victory as something shameful? For your children, your backs and your cars, we, your vanguard, are fighting for you! Smash the bourgeoisie!

And Drago was an American spy.

Politburo meeting 2:
Comrade Putin has been directed to repress the bourgeois newspapers that circulate the people like a plague, filling their minds with poison. A shortage of ammunition has been addressed by Comrade Smirnoff, who proposed strapping C4 to Kulaks, lighting them on fire and using them as incendiary rounds to be fired from our artillery and anti air craft batteries. The vote was unanimously in favour. Cromade Smirnoff and Comrade Putin will work in tandem on this project.

[Pete]

I'm also taking over New York State. The capital of my empire will be the Empire State. Hell yes.

In the north, we've got our rednecks with their guns, riding rusted out pickups, and Confederate flags. To the south, we've got a fleet of yellow cabs, who will get troops to their destination in no time flat, with no regard for life or limb. I also have my kamikaze Asian drivers from Flushing. All they need to see is a stop sign, and they'll take out everything in their path.

I've also got plenty of cannon fodder. Guidos with their blow-outs, orange skin and kissy faces, and the use of the entire transit system to tunnel supplies throughout the city. If the supplies get there on time totally depends on if the system actually feels like running.

[Alpha]

Why has no one yet claimed the Middle East?

It's mine.

We've got oil, soil, and toil! Oh, and Arabian sand goggles.

We gave birth to civilisation itself, and OPEC will cause your pathetic societies to suffocate unless you can rapidly develop non-oil infrastructure, hah! When oil starts to become scarce, we will keep just enough to invade the rest of the world in our army of oil-fed camels, AK47s and rusting, Soviet-era tanks, with the goal of enslavement of the non-Arabs in the mines, to begin an intergalactic cartel over the universe's most precious metal: sea salt.

[Violet]

I would like to take over California, Illinois, and Nevada.. the three states I have lived in.

Cali is basically it's own country, we have everything here. Illinois has awesome food and cornfields to hide in(good for using against the enemy). And Nevada has casinos, gambling, and prostitution. I shall use all of these to my own gain.. and become rich off of all the moneyz! You may call me the Queen of Gambling.

[Polk]

Switzerland. I claim Switzerland. I enjoy the longstanding history of neutrality, and the Alps. Those are nice. And let's see how cranky all of get without your swiss chocolate, watches, and cuckoo clocks.

[Josh_R]

Pravda, issue 3:
[I]Trust the bourgeois ruling class to underestimate the intelligence of the people by resorting to cheap trickery. But the proletarian masses will not be fooled. Kisuke has not denied having sexually violated your livestock, he only denies that he has not fornicated with it.

Jin using my own words against god you are clever, it will take much more than my Russian and Croatian forces to stop you.

The Kisukle administration blames the proletariat for global warming, as if to say that we are guilty of winning the war against nature. This is proof, valiant workers! Proof that the Kisuke administration has all along been conspiring with the weather to ruin your lives.

Show me this so called proof Jin, all I see is the ignorant words of an obvious blowhard. These are my people and their minds cannot be changed with the use of a few sly words and lies.

Every son and daughter you've lost to the cold, every driveway you've had to shovel, every car that wouldn't start, all were byproducts of the bourgeois alliance with the weather.

Jin you swine, the good people of Russia will not believe such lies. In fact I happen to have a photograph here that would make them believe quiet the opposite. It is you and the sun making a peace treaty, you bastard you plan to melt all the beautiful snow of Russia.

Now we are winning the war against weather and the Kisuke administration has the gall to portray our victory as something shameful?

War against weather Jin honestly, there wouldnt even be a war if the communist hadn't taken power. The minute the communist party took power the Russia we all know and love went to hell. If winning the war against weather means all the beautiful snow of Russia being gone foreve then I will have no part of it.

And Drago was an American spy

Well I have to agree with you there Jin, but the fact still remains that the communist are the reason Rocky beat him. Under my leadership he would have received much better training and would have easily won the fight...


I have decided that China and Korea look too good to let go, so I shall claim them as my own. With my two newly obtained countries my military power has increased ten-fold. We have multiple ammunation press facilities at our disposal and shall not run out any time soon.


My base of operations has been moved to Zagreb,Croatia there we will begin to build our forces and arm then with the best weapons at our disposal.


Kisuke's Administration

President- Kisuke
Secretary of Defense- Fedor Emilianenko
Ambassador to the UN- Mirko Filapovic
Treasurer- Some Jew we found in Moscow
Nuclear Weapon's Specialist- Kim Jong il


With my newly appointed cabinet of specialist none can stand in our way of world domination. Join the resistance before it is too late...

[loner-kid]

right... I claim Germany and whatever bits of Japan Unknown Entity doesn't have. Hmm, while i'm at it I claim the land of imagination, take that [now unimaginative unless I deam otherwise] people of the world. My Army will consist o f Otaku's granted the power of the one they're cosplaying [badly], whoever it is that keeps Germany clean [because thereis no way that they obey the normal rules of mortality], and the abhorrent creatures of my own nightmare [cos they're actually pretty cool]

[Taco-Calamitous]

What's this? Violet is taking over Nevada? You are right on the doorstep of my land! I will let you take Nevada, but you must give me Northern California in exchange! Or else, I will divert steam and scalding hot water from the super volcano of Yellowstone at you and your lands! And it will not be pretty. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Meier Link]

I will take Poland, in which we offer nothing and have nothing to return in the mix.

Also I am taking over Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas, Kansas, Tennesee, and Georgia. With this combination the rest of the US is ****ed, the South owns everything including most of the US' military power and food. On a side note I am taking over Nebraska, I am sure no one wants this land and we can push the ditch weed to make a pretty penny at other peoples exspences.

[Violet]

Ok, Tom. You have yourself a deal. You can have your Northern California! I get Southern Cali where the badass Mexicans live.. and them Mexicans will be on my side, JYEAH. While I'm at it, I want to take over Mexico. Now I have the Mexican mafia.. WOOT.