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Thread: I'm probably drunk

  1. #1
    Mr. Person Taco-Calamitous's Avatar
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    I'm probably drunk

    I dunno. How are you all doing? My dad died tonight. I had my brothers and my cousin down the road with me, tonight. It's kinda been a while coming. I think he's better off now. The few people still here, I think I remember some of you losing a parent. I didn't have the best relationship, but I loved my daddy. I think he's in a better place, now. This is a song for him:

  2. #2
    Bananarama I'm probably drunk Pete's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry about your dad.

    It's a terrible feeling to lose a parent, but if he was suffering and you could kind of see the end coming, maybe you can take solace in the idea that he's not in pain or discomfort anymore. It doesn't do much to take your pain away, but the thought might provide you some relief.

    My only real advice is that everyone grieves differently, and that things will get weird and/ or difficult because emotions and feelings are all over the place. Feel the way you feel, laugh, cry, do whatever. It's definitely better to allow yourself to feel and let it all out as opposed to trying to kill it all down.

    Just try to be there as much as you can for your mom and family, but remember that you don't have to be a hero. Nobody is expecting you to.

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  3. #3
    Memento RK I'm probably drunk Yoko's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that, Taco. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Although, it's not likely that you'll be able to tell us what you need if you're not quite sure yourself. What I mean to say is that we are here for you.
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  4. #4
    That's life I guess...

  5. #5
    I want to play a game. I'm probably drunk Zargabaath's Avatar
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    My condolences Taco. It is never a good day when losing a family member regardless of the relationship. Both of my grandfathers were similar to your father in that it was a long time coming. I may miss one more than the other but I know that their suffering ended and are better off.

    Hang in there. As I would tell my 3-levels - small victories and baby steps.


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  6. #6
    I don't have very many living family members left so I can say with confidence that while it hurts incredibly so in the beginning, time does, in fact, heal all wounds. That said, scars will persist, and you might find yourself one day years later thinking back to your father and your eyes won't stop tearing. This is normal. Loss is a difficult trauma to endure and, however your mind chooses to cope with it, trust that it knows what you need.

    Expected deaths are also a bit more tolerable, though the wait is the worst of it. Sudden deaths strike you much harder, but you could possibly take comfort in the immediate numbness. I've dealt with those in both good and bad ways. From my experience, it's best to let the numbness wash over you; this is your mind processing the information. Use this time to absorb the blow so it doesn't eat at you. The worst thing you can do is use a fight or flight response such as denial or anger. That's not relevant to your situation, though.

    If it's been an expected outcome, try more to reflect on the arduous path to this day. Your father's now at peace and you can take comfort in that. Then, try to remember him for why you're feeling the loss. Chances are you feel that because you appreciated those moments or characteristics about him. So hold onto those memories. They could even be useful to you in the future.

  7. #7
    Mr. Person Taco-Calamitous's Avatar
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    Thanks for the advice and well wishes, guys. I think we're doing okay, here. The family got back together for this, my siblings were around nearly every day for a couple of weeks. We did the funeral a couple Fridays ago. My mom is still figuring stuff out, but she seems okay. I was worried when my sister from Arizona went home, and there was nobody with her for the first time after he died, but she's kept busy doing stuff.

    I don't think I was that bad, either. I think a lot of what Zerathos986 said was true, though. The week and a half before he died, I knew it was coming, and that was probably more difficult. I found I was fine if I didn't think about it too much. I saw him a few times before he died, and then also at the funeral because it was open casket. I would advise anyone out there not to look at your parent at an open casket.

    Think I've moved into moving on.

  8. #8
    The Old Skool Warrior I'm probably drunk LocoColt04's Avatar
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    That's a good feeling, moving into moving on. Like a giant weight off your shoulders, you know?
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