I'm probably drunk

**Taco-Calamitous** · 05-13-2021, 01:41 AM

I dunno. How are you all doing? My dad died tonight. I had my brothers and my cousin down the road with me, tonight. It's kinda been a while coming. I think he's better off now. The few people still here, I think I remember some of you losing a parent. I didn't have the best relationship, but I loved my daddy. I think he's in a better place, now. This is a song for him:

**Pete** · 05-13-2021, 06:14 AM

I'm so sorry about your dad.

It's a terrible feeling to lose a parent, but if he was suffering and you could kind of see the end coming, maybe you can take solace in the idea that he's not in pain or discomfort anymore. It doesn't do much to take your pain away, but the thought might provide you some relief.

My only real advice is that everyone grieves differently, and that things will get weird and/ or difficult because emotions and feelings are all over the place. Feel the way you feel, laugh, cry, do whatever. It's definitely better to allow yourself to feel and let it all out as opposed to trying to kill it all down.

Just try to be there as much as you can for your mom and family, but remember that you don't have to be a hero. Nobody is expecting you to.

**Yoko** · 05-14-2021, 12:16 PM

Sorry to hear that, Taco. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Although, it's not likely that you'll be able to tell us what you need if you're not quite sure yourself. What I mean to say is that we are here for you.

**BronzeHeart92** · 05-23-2021, 11:13 AM

That's life I guess...

**Zargabaath** · 05-29-2021, 11:57 AM

My condolences Taco. It is never a good day when losing a family member regardless of the relationship. Both of my grandfathers were similar to your father in that it was a long time coming. I may miss one more than the other but I know that their suffering ended and are better off.

Hang in there. As I would tell my 3-levels - small victories and baby steps.

**Zerathos986** · 05-30-2021, 09:31 AM

I don't have very many living family members left so I can say with confidence that while it hurts incredibly so in the beginning, time does, in fact, heal all wounds. That said, scars will persist, and you might find yourself one day years later thinking back to your father and your eyes won't stop tearing. This is normal. Loss is a difficult trauma to endure and, however your mind chooses to cope with it, trust that it knows what you need.

Expected deaths are also a bit more tolerable, though the wait is the worst of it. Sudden deaths strike you much harder, but you could possibly take comfort in the immediate numbness. I've dealt with those in both good and bad ways. From my experience, it's best to let the numbness wash over you; this is your mind processing the information. Use this time to absorb the blow so it doesn't eat at you. The worst thing you can do is use a fight or flight response such as denial or anger. That's not relevant to your situation, though.

If it's been an expected outcome, try more to reflect on the arduous path to this day. Your father's now at peace and you can take comfort in that. Then, try to remember him for why you're feeling the loss. Chances are you feel that because you appreciated those moments or characteristics about him. So hold onto those memories. They could even be useful to you in the future.

**Taco-Calamitous** · 06-06-2021, 03:18 AM

Thanks for the advice and well wishes, guys. I think we're doing okay, here. The family got back together for this, my siblings were around nearly every day for a couple of weeks. We did the funeral a couple Fridays ago. My mom is still figuring stuff out, but she seems okay. I was worried when my sister from Arizona went home, and there was nobody with her for the first time after he died, but she's kept busy doing stuff.

I don't think I was that bad, either. I think a lot of what Zerathos986 said was true, though. The week and a half before he died, I knew it was coming, and that was probably more difficult. I found I was fine if I didn't think about it too much. I saw him a few times before he died, and then also at the funeral because it was open casket. I would advise anyone out there not to look at your parent at an open casket.

Think I've moved into moving on.

**LocoColt04** · 06-06-2021, 03:24 AM

That's a good feeling, moving into moving on. Like a giant weight off your shoulders, you know?

**01habbo** · 06-19-2021, 02:49 PM

I lost my dad 8 years ago and I am still grieving even now. All I can say is that it does get less and you learn to live with it, but it can strike at any time.

**Musashiden** · 07-17-2021, 07:45 AM

during my absence I lost both my parents to cancer so I can empathize

moving on is never easy but finding that strength to pick up the pieces is affirming as hell, also puts a hell of a lot of shit in perspective

either way I'm sorry for your loss, I still to this day find myself coming across something either of my folks would have liked and reaching for my phone to call them and getting hit with that realization that no one is gonna pick up right in the gut. it does get easier though.

**Pete** · 07-17-2021, 04:09 PM

Jesus, I'm sorry to hear that man. That's gotta be incredibly tough.

Glad to see you popping in though.

**Taco-Calamitous** · 07-23-2021, 04:15 PM

Yeah dude, I'm sorry to hear that, too. When my dad first had to go to memory care, I started to think a lot about mortality, my parents dying, etc. I dunno how well I will react when my mom goes, too. I've had a far closer relationship with her.

**Musashiden** · 07-25-2021, 07:54 PM

I know how that shit goes for sure. My family took my grandma in back in like... 2008? She started showing signs of dementia so we took her in and took care of her through her decline. At first it wasn't so bad, she was still very much herself and in mostly good humor, but after like 6 or 7 years she deteriorated and stopped being herself. Got me thinking along the same lines. It got to a point where when she eventually passed I had kinda mentally prepared myself for it, and I was at peace. Then my folks both got diagnosed within 3 months of that. As prepared as I thought I was to face death head on when it comes at you like that you're never ready, but in retrospect looking back I cling to the silver linings and remember how good they both made my childhood. Definitely makes the harder days easier to bear. I just tell myself I was lucky to have them for as long as I did and cherish the memories.