Bucks/Hens night (pre marriage letdowns?)

[Rowan]

Bucks = bachelor, just in case we have a language barrier here.

Okay so i've been pondering this ever since I went to my first ever bucks night for a friend.
Why the hell would you do that?

Im not going into specifics here. but lets say there were a few naked waitresses and were very friendly with the bucks.
Isn't that technically cheating? I mean, I know theres tradition and all, but theres no way I would disrespect my girlfriend/future wife in such a way, I find that to be reprehensible when you are in a relationship. although Im not talking about kissing or anything, the fact there are girls there grinding and making you grab their tits is not any sort of way to celebrate the fact your going to be married to the one you love the most in this world.
Ive made it incredibly clear that come my night, there will be no such thing, if there was to be (as a cruel joke), there would be more than a few dissapointed people since I would send them away with their full pay. Im not a traditional guy, I dont think theres any kind of party that can justify such irresponsible behaviour. I probably sound like a darn party pooper right now, but if i care about someone enough to marry them, then respecting my wife comes first. This is especially important if you know she shares the same opinion as you. Afterall, what chance does a marriage have if you cant trust a person.

So I guess what I'm making this thread for to discuss is,
Have you ever been to a bucks/hens night?
Do you agree with my point of view?
what would your perfect bucks/hens night consist of?

[Pete]

Ahhh, it took me a minute, but we call them bachelor/ bachelorette parties here.

Honestly, I'm torn about the whole thing. On one hand, I think it's a time honored tradition and very much a "last hurrah" for people who are planning on spending their lives with their partner.

I haven't been to one, but I'm having several friends getting married next year, so there will definitely be a few attended. I'm actually the best man for one, so I have to plan one. The fiancee's dad wants to have a word with me about that, so I'm a little antsy, since she's dead set against having any um, "performers".

I'm not really for or against having strippers at such a party. I know MY girlfriend wouldn't want there to be any, or for me to attend a party with them, but at the same time, I think that she would understand that these things happen, and as long as I'm not doing any grabbing, it's all good. And she's not the type to prevent me from going out and supporting my friends.

I totally respect your point of view though. It does make a lot of sense, and I mean technically, you shouldn't be around naked ladies who aren't your loved one. On the other hand, if your friends want to throw you a party, it IS pretty cool of them. Maybe just draw the line about the strippers, or who they'll be grinding on.

As for my perfect night, I'm not totally sure. I'm not sure if I'd really want it to be crazy or low key, or even at some ridiculous destination. Strippers optional, but my guess is that most of my best friends will be married before I am, so that'd be iffy.

[noxious.sunshine]

I've never been to one, but I'm totally with you on the "No stripper" thing.

Not only is it disrespectful to the relationship, but I find it tacky and classless. So are anything penis/boob related (cakes, gag gifts, etc).

In general, I'm not the going out type, but I think my perfect night would be getting a hotel room for a night or 2 w whatever female friends I have, putting on my fav dress & heels - duh - & going on a massive all-night bar crawl ... And not crashing until at least 10 a.m. after breakfast in like Waffle House.. Sleep. Then maybe spend the next night alone ordering room service and watching movies on pay per view.

[Alpha]

We call them "stags' night" and "hens' party" here, although bachelors' night would work (bachelorette sounds weird, like saying "dude-ette").

I've been to a handful, but only for family (mine and my girlfriend's). I disagree with you, Rowan. On the stag night, you're not married yet. You're committed to marry, but not actually married. It's meant to be a "last hurrah". The guy getting married will never get another chance to do things like that. Harmless, really.

Although I've never actually been to a stag night with strippers. I have been to a strip club though, while partnered up with my current girlfriend. She wasn't there though, and my best friend and I tried getting in to the club cheaply, by posing as a couple. Apparently we're not convincing homosexuals, and had to pay full price. Inside... was very surreal. We didn't actually stay long. Way too many seedy men.

[Rowan]

We call them "stags' night" and "hens' party" here, although bachelors' night would work (bachelorette sounds weird, like saying "dude-ette").

I've been to a handful, but only for family (mine and my girlfriend's). I disagree with you, Rowan. On the stag night, you're not married yet. You're committed to marry, but not actually married. It's meant to be a "last hurrah". The guy getting married will never get another chance to do things like that. Harmless, really.

So basically what you are saying is that unless you are married, theres no commitment? I have to disagree with you there. If you have an intimate relationship with someone, even yet, someone who you are getting prepared to marry, why would you discrace your partner like that? 'last hurrah' sounds like an excuse for cheating, my friend. If you truly cared about your girl, you would respect her enough not to have tits in your face, straight out. But not all relationships are the same, I suppose. I guess I find tradition stale and pointless.

[Alpha]

No, of course there's commitment. But a single night with strippers serving drinks (not even knowing their names) is not the same as an extra-marital affair and to conflate the two is ludicrous.

[Rowan]

No, of course there's commitment. But a single night with strippers serving drinks (not even knowing their names) is not the same as an extra-marital affair and to conflate the two is ludicrous.

The issue isn't with them serviing drinks. Feeling them up and having them grind on you would certainly consitute some raw feelings (especially in your partner), wouldnt it? Its far from ludicrous. Belittling the situation by calling it a 'single night' does not justify anything. And im not calling it an extra marital affair, mostly because noone is married yet, but the titles are meaningless. You are in a relationship, plain and simple.

[SuperSabin]

I haven't been to a bucks night myself, but I can imagine what you are trying to say here. I agree with you on this cheating thing. I don't imagine all bachelor parties involve scantily-clad women and drunk people. It really isn't right to have unclothed people at that kind of party because I believe marriage is the spiritual unity between one man and one woman and they become one flesh. You contaminate that if you defile yourself by letting any part of your body be used outside of that boundary especially at a bachelor party. I would think that the wife would want someone with pure eyes and a clean mind as well as the rest of that man untouched.

In summary, if anyone has a bachelor party with barely to no clothed women and a whole lot of drunkenness, just think of how much you are taking away from your future wife/husband. If I were to have a bachelor party, I would keep it simplistic, clean, and just have a nice buffet with family and friends.

[Rowan]

I just want to make this very clear. The issue I had was not with naked girls being present. It was not with them serving drinks. It was with the way they interacted with the man of honour by allowing him to grope them and them to grind on him. That is what I constitute as lack of loyalty, disrespect to your partner and overall low class of character. Try telling your partner that its only 'one night', see what kind of reaction you get.

[Alpha]

If that occurred on any other night than the guy's own stag night, then yes, I'd agree with you. But the whole point of a stag night is very brief escapism from a lifelong commitment, and a test of the strength of that committment. It is meant to say: "you could have this for the rest of your life, but you're choosing to marry?" If you still choose to forgo a wild life of titties and marry your partner, you've said "I know what I'm missing, yet I'm choosing to commit to you in the full knowledge of it". I think that's stronger, IMO.

[Rowan]

If that occurred on any other night than the guy's own stag night, then yes, I'd agree with you. But the whole point of a stag night is very brief escapism from a lifelong commitment, and a test of the strength of that committment. It is meant to say: "you could have this for the rest of your life, but you're choosing to marry?" If you still choose to forgo a wild life of titties and marry your partner, you've said "I know what I'm missing, yet I'm choosing to commit to you in the full knowledge of it". I think that's stronger, IMO.

Thats well put. But I've had my fair share and since I started this relationship I have with my gf, I would do absolutley nothing to risk upsetting her or hurting her, especially since shes so very wonderful to me. Thats just my view, I hope you could respect that. I understand where you are coming from, though. It is also as I said before, people are different, relationships are different and I suppose that if its okay with you and your partner, then theres nothing to be concerned about.

[Rocky]

I've been to a few.

One of them was with my old friend from back in high school where we met on his best man's/another close friend of mine's farm, and we just had a good old time playing videogames and drinking games and catching up from different paths of life.

Another one we went hiking and had a pretty cool time bonding while just being outdoorsy and all that fun stuff. I was kind of the odd man out since the groom to be was another one of my high school buddies and I didnt know anyone else there, but all of the guys were chill and fun to hang with.

I think the "craziest" party I've been to was like a full day excursion with a fellow colleague/college friend, where a bunch of us went golfing, then out to eat. afterwards we went to Dave&Busters (where i accidently broke a machine and ran it out of tickets but thats another story lol), and then at the end we went to a strip club. (we didnt tell anyone what the occasion was because of horror stories on what happens to guys at strip clubs from batchelor parties. dont do it to your friends!.... or do it if you are evil )

I was talking with a guy whose son I take care of, and we both kind of agreed on that the wilder the party, the worse the wedding and marriage will turn out to be, and vice versa. He was in the middle of writing a book and had an entire chapter dedicated to the issue.

I think as long as you established boundries with your best man or whomever is planning the party, just go out and have fun. imo, stuff like strippers are okay to have at batchelor parties, but if that (or another) topic is something that is difficult for you to deal with, then dont have them, and your friends should respect and understand to not do that to you.

[Crescent]

Without getting into all the vulgar details that went on at most of the Hens Parties Ive attended, Ive always had in my mind that IF I ever decide to get hitched, Id want female strippers NOT male ones*shudders* at my Hen's Party thats if I'd ever consider the option. Males who act that way are I find repulsive even if they're just topless waiters. Ew. Keep your distance. Id leave it completely up to my fiance on what he wanted to do for his Bucks Party even if it meant having strippers. But then Id Never marry a male who'd find classless cheap skanks entertaining.

[loaf]

Strippers were entertaining when I turned 18.

Waste of money. Why spend money on some dancer when you can basically have your girlfriend future wife do it later? For free even? Because she WANTS to? I haven't been to one or know of any of my friends who even had one (and this was when I was living in Las Vegas).

IMO the grinding on you while you just sit there is not a big deal but when you start going at it grinding with them, then it's not good. Feeling up is bad as well.

Honestly treat her like an actual stripper...basically you sit there passively and do nothing. I find no harm in just that.

[Tiffany]

I've been to a ton of bachelorettes, had my own. Ditto for my hubby.

We had a talk beforehand of what we would/wouldn't want. I'm not overly fussed about strippers, in the sense that they don't bother me. But in knowing how crazy bachelor parties can get with them I did tell my hubby that I wasn't sure if I was okay with that. Turned out I didn't need to worry, he decided for his bachelor weekend that him and his guys were going to go white water rafting at this camp 5 hours away. They went for Friday and Saturday, were home Sunday. He had a blast! The videos/pictures from it were awesome aside from the fact that they all literally nearly drowned. :S

For my bachelorette, we went to Niagara Falls. It was fun but bachelorette parties tend to attract a lot of douches with the mentality that I did want "one last hurrah" before getting married. I didn't, and most of the night was spent telling creeps to back off.

I've been to bachelorettes where the girls went to girls strippers, where we just went to a club, a pub or hang out at the house. I really feel it depends on what the couple of honour are okay with.

That being said, I 100% trust my hubby and know he wouldn't push those boundaries. I agree with what Loaf said, about treating them like a stripper and just sitting there. I'm not sure about them participating and grinding/feeling up either.

[noxious.sunshine]

But then Id Never marry a male who'd find classless cheap skanks entertaining.

Hey! Those cheap classless skanks are putting themselves through school to be doctors and lawyers!~

(I'm totally jk. I've known strippers. They were all crack heads.)

[Unknown Entity]

I haven't been to one, no. None of my closest friends or relatives have married yet, and the few that have live too far away. But I do agree with your point of view. I'd be pretty upset to find out that all my fiancé could do at his party was enjoy having another woman grind on him, and/or all sorts of other activities with him. I think strip clubs are cool, he can go to one (I'll be enjoying a few half-naked gay guys dancing to Sam Sparrow, damn right), but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't disappointed if it went to touching and private dances. I know he feels the same, and we wouldn't dream of it - it doesn't even need to be mentioned.

If that occurred on any other night than the guy's own stag night, then yes, I'd agree with you. But the whole point of a stag night is very brief escapism from a lifelong commitment, and a test of the strength of that committment. It is meant to say: "you could have this for the rest of your life, but you're choosing to marry?" If you still choose to forgo a wild life of titties and marry your partner, you've said "I know what I'm missing, yet I'm choosing to commit to you in the full knowledge of it". I think that's stronger, IMO.

I don't like the whole "last taste of what you could have" mentality. If you have those thoughts, then you shouldn't have proposed - isn't THAT the first and final step to realising that this girl is the one you want to be with you forever? Isn't that the commitment laid bare? THAT is why a marriages fail, because people don't know what they're getting themselves in for at the proposal stage. Also, women shouldn't say yes if there's doubts.

I don't really have a dream bachelorette party in mind, I'll be honest. I think checking out a gay bar might be a laugh, but I'm not a wild drinker type, and I'd feel out of place in any kind of loud bar or club. I wouldn't mind going out for a few drinks with my closest friends, head back home with a few bottles of whiskey and rum, and stay up all night telling naughty stories, jokes, playing some stupid drinking games, order in pizza, etc. If I have money spare, I wouldn't mind booking a hotel, going to the beach for the day, and then going out to a casino in the evening. But I'd prefer to keep it simple.

[Heartless Angel]

Only bachelor party i've been to didn't even involve females. It was just a few days of drunken stupidity and unbridled manliness. Went hunting the first day, brought a clay target launcher around and played some shooting games with that once we'd bagged our limit. The guy whose property we were on cooked all the doves we bagged that night and we had a nice dinner with him and his family. Next day we hit a Six Flags, spent the better part of the day there before going back to my buddy's place for some ribs and brisket we'd had smoking all day. Ate like hogs, and then drank until we passed out. Next day we ****ed around in go karts, which eventually devolved into Live Action Mario Kart. After that one of his friends surprised us with a cheap old beaten up car that we spent the next couple hours destroying with stupidity. Next day was just kind of a general stupidity day back at the groom to be's place. We barbecued ribs again, played some less than serious sports, among them football, medicine ball dodgeball, some ass backwards version of basketball we played from the pool, I don't even know what the **** the last game we were playing was supposed to be. I don't think it had ever been played by humans before that day, but it was amusing. Last day we just kinda spent winding down with lots of booze and dungeons and dragons.

[Tiffany]

I don't like the whole "last taste of what you could have" mentality. If you have those thoughts, then you shouldn't have proposed - isn't THAT the first and final step to realising that this girl is the one you want to be with you forever? Isn't that the commitment laid bare? THAT is why a marriages fail, because people don't know what they're getting themselves in for at the proposal stage. Also, women shouldn't say yes if there's doubts.

This.

Personally, if its a no-go during the course of your relationship... why would getting married change the 'rules' so to speak? I would want to think that you've had all your last hurrahs so to speak BEFORE you have met "the one" and don't need to have them anymore. I dunno, I guess if you feel you need that then maybe getting married isn't the right choice? I dunno. :S

But I'm thinking of a last hurrah as in actually having sex with someone. As I mentioned before, just going to a stripper doesn't bother me. But yes, it would 100% bother me if stuff happened between them.