I know that this isn't centered on the current discussion, but I need a spot of help, from some weird points of view. I had to write this poem in my high school English class about where we see ourselves in five years. I've been told by Ellie, a writer and fellow member, that it was good, but there was something wrong with it, but neither she nor I have been able to figure out what, so, I'm going to post it, and i'd like to see if anyone else can figure it out before I go crazy.

"Futures of a High School Nerd"

In a private dorm room
at a Sarasota University
He cracks a window before
softly slipping into a serene slumber
the sound of waves crashing in the distance.

A twisted body straightened
Stormy blue-grey eyes liberated
from large thick glasses
His bones no longer visible
His appearance unique, and slightly more refined
Bodily imperfections prominent, but subdued.

He passes from uncertainty, confusion
to certainty, resolution, set on his course in life
Lectures where pen meets paper
Practicals where screwdriver meets chassis
His calling, passion, major; computer science

His outward demeanor remains pleasant
masking the raging tempest that
forever lingers in the darkest reaches of the mind
the should-haves, the shouldn't-haves
haunting his memory evermore

Cast from the simplistic life
of high school, thrown into
the confusion of college existence
left to sink and drown
or to swim and suceed.

The taste of triumph over trials and
tribulations in life is the taste of true success.



I just can't figure out for the life of me what's wrong with it, though it just doesn't feel right...

-Steel