Bad/Cheesy jokes

[Professor]

Post some jokes!

So I say to the doctor, "Rectum? Damn near killed him!"

[Rowan]

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Wheres my tractor..."


The koala says, "What do you mean I'm not a bear?"

"I have all the necassary koalafications"


A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He sits downs and orders a beer for himself and his giraffe. He continues to drink his fill and then stands and begins to leave the bar with his giraffe still on the floor. The bartender says "AYE! You cant just leave that lyin' there!" Then the man responded,

"Its not a lyin'... its a giraffe."

[Xavier Thunderfoot]

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A white horse fell into a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a slow joke?
A turtle.

Wanna hear a lame joke?
Jersey Shore.

Wanna hear a gay joke?
Ryan Seacrest.

[Joxsjua]

A priest, pedophile, rapist walk into a bar; and that's just the first guy...

[Sasquatch]

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

A bear walks into a bar. Goes, "I'll have a ... ... ... ... ... beer."
Bartender asks, "Why the big pause?"

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive."

What's the difference between a baby and an orange?
I've never had an orange clog my juicer.

(... What, too far?)

[Heartless Angel]

What's the difference between a rhinoceros who just ate a can of beans, and my band's bassist?

One is a big useless thing that makes deep farting sounds, the other is a rhinoceros.

[Professor]

So I says, "that's not a Buick, that's my wife!"

Wanna hear a dirty joke? Chris fell in some mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke? Chris took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is his hot neighbor that loves anal.

[sayian]

sicientist have discovered a new dinosaur... "the lickalotapus"

[LocoColt04]

What's the difference between a baby and an orange?
I've never had an orange clog my juicer.

What's the difference between a baby and an orange?
An orange doesn't scream when you peel its skin off.

On that note...

What's the difference between a baby and a bathtub?
You can't fuck a bathtub.

What's the difference between a baby and jello?
You can't nail jello to a tree.

[RamesesII]

Shouldn't this be in humor word games.

That's not the joke.

A guy walked into a bar....it hurt.

A second guy walked into the bar......you think he would have seen the first guy hit it.


Took my wife to a restaurant we got to dessert and I asked for the mascarpone........ they brought a horse with a mask.




Driving through the desert and my car broke down, so I started walking to look for a place to call for help.
I had been walking for quite a while and was starting to get thirsty when a man with a donkey walked past, he asked me if I wanted to buy a bow tie I said no but some water wouldn't go astray he said he only had bow ties.
I walked for another hour and came across another man with a donkey who also wanted to sell me a bow tie, I asked for some water he also said he only had bow ties. I walked for yet another hour and to my great relief I found a bar as I was desperate for some water now, staggered up to the front door and asked the doorman for some water. The doorman looked me up and down and said "Sorry mate can't let you in without a bow tie."

LAAAAAME

[pixergirl]

why did the chicken cross the road, stop, turn around, go back across the road and then recross the road?
Because he was a two-timing double-crossing chicken.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

A mushroom walks into a bar.
The bartender yells at him to leave, saying, "We don't serve your kind here!"
The mushroom replies, "Why not? I'm a fun guy."

Did you hear the one about the insanely filthy window? I doubt it. It's too dirty to tell.

knock knock...who's there? Pile-up
(you hear them say "pile a pooh") and it sounds funny! XD

There was a tap on my door this morning
My plumber has a strange sense of humour.....

[Joxsjua]

I never really got the saying "Guns don't shoot people.. People shoot people"

It confuses me. It's like saying "The camera doesn't take the picture.. The picture takes the picture"

Yeah, that's right!! "A toaster doesn't toast the toast... Toast toast toast"

[RagnaToad]

How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his entire family.

[Taco-Calamitous]

A priest, pedophile, rapist walk into a bar; and that's just the first guy...

BOO! Oh, but dead baby jokes? I love those.

From the Vandals song "Clowns are Experts:"
The other day I was drivin' around in the clown-mobile with 17 of my friends towin' the ferris wheel in the back and this cop pulls me over and says, "Where ya goin' Bozo?" I said, "I'm not Bozo. I sure wish I was, though. The man's a friggin' genius."

Hell, here's the song:

Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Halie]

The koala says, "What do you mean I'm not a bear?"

"I have all the necassary koalafications"
[/I]

And so the elephant says to him, "those koalafications are irrelephant."

Here's one... I think people who watch "soccer" will understand it better but it isn't a necessity.

Three men are at the beach, when a girl wearing blue underwear walks by and bends over, so they shout "Manchester!". Next, a girl wearing red underwear walks by and bends over, so they shout "Liverpool!". Lastly, a girl wearing no underwear walks by and bends over so they shout "Arsenal!"

I used to find this hilarious when I was little.

[Dranzer]

Question: What did the left saggy boob say to the right saggy boob?

Punch Line: We better get some support soon, otherwise people will think we're a couple of nuts.

<3

[Joxsjua]

This teaser is for Rocky: Admit it, at one point in your life you stuck a ball in your shirt and pretended you were pregnant.

Dear Hand Sanitizer, Can't touch this. Sincerely 01% germ.

Ever wonder if the money in your wallet has ever been in a strippers butt crack? Bet you are now.

I can't believe google is cocky enough to start guessing after one letter.

[Catalana]

One :

" What's the difference between a rabbit and a hosepipe ?

Both are made of plastic, except for the rabbit...

What's the difference between a wild boar and a doe ?

The wild boar isn't a doe... "
Two :

"It's a man who enters in a pub and says 'Hello it's me !' and everybody begins to laugh because it wasn't him"

Three :

" What is white and doesn't climb a tree ?

... a fridge !!!! "

Ahhh I know so many bad jokes *proud of her* ... I laughed so much and they aren't funny xD Bad jokes powaaaaah

[GASPIPE]

So Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in a courtroom for a divorce.

The Judge says: "Mickey.. I can't divorce you two because you say she's crazy."

So Mickey says: "Your honor, I'm not! I'm telling you she's f***ing Goofy."

LOL! I don't know why, but I always laugh at that.

[Polk]

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.

What do you call cheese that's sad?
Blue cheese.

Cheese jokes. I don't think I'm doing this right.

[Rhaps]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?"

The horse then promptly shits and leaves, because it has no capacity for learning human language, let alone knowing how to function in a bar setting.

What did the salt say to the pepper?

Nothing, they're inanimate ****ing objects.

What kind of cheese surrounds a castle?

Moatzaralla

[Cheesevixen]

Here are two of my current favorites:

Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
.....
She had no arms

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Not Sarah

#2
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Daisy
Daisy Who?
Daisy me rollin....they hatin' ;-)

[Dranzer]

A bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says: "Excuse me, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies: "no." The bear then picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with it.

[Squall]

A guy goes to a psychiatrist's office and says, "Doc, I have this problem. Some days, I feel like a Wigwam, and others I feel like a Tipi". Doctor says, "Relax, you're two tents".

[Dranzer]

Question: What did the ghost say to the bee?

Punchline: Boo bee!

[Tallulah]

How do you annoy Lady Gaga?

Poke 'er face!

Yeah, I know... -_-

[Taco-Calamitous]

Here is one by my hero Cranky Doodle Donkey:

"How many apples grow on a tree? All of them! X3"

[Joxsjua]

Q:Why does Lady Gaga like to perform in the nude?


A:She was born that way.

[Assassin]

What says "oh oh oh"?
Santa walking backwards!

[Crescent]

Knock Knock


Who's there??


.....


Go fk yourself.


EDIT:

Dad: Why are you eyes so red, son?
Son: I smoked weed, dad
Dad: Don't lie to me, you were crying because you are a faggot.

>XD