why did the chicken cross the road, stop, turn around, go back across the road and then recross the road?
Because he was a two-timing double-crossing chicken.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

A mushroom walks into a bar.
The bartender yells at him to leave, saying, "We don't serve your kind here!"
The mushroom replies, "Why not? I'm a fun guy."

Did you hear the one about the insanely filthy window? I doubt it. It's too dirty to tell.

knock knock...who's there? Pile-up
(you hear them say "pile a pooh") and it sounds funny! XD

There was a tap on my door this morning
My plumber has a strange sense of humour.....