(Mods, Admins, etc: I apologize if this is too adult for this forum, just let me know.)

Alright, so I hurt myself the other day, and I figured I'd make a thread about it. Kind of like the MAK-90 I bought for my dad, I think mine might trump those of others ... but my recent injury wasn't too gruesome or anything.

So ... just explain your worst injury. I mean, I've been shot at, and I've been blown up a few times (I could explain how blast concussion turns a person's organs to jelly, but nah), but the thing that happened the other day took the cake.

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So yeah, I broke my penis.

Apparently, there are three tubes in a man's penis. One goes all the way through -- that's the urethra -- and the other two are just there. Those are the ones that fill up with blood, causing an erection. The outer lining of each of those two tubes is thick and fibrous, but gets thinner and weaker when filled with blood. Tuesday morning, I somehow bent mine the wrong way, rupturing the side of one of those tubes, causing the blood to pump out into the rest of the organ, turning it and the surrounding area a deep purple color. Not only that, but the area around the ruptured tube swelled, pushing the rest of the penis away, so I had a near-ninety-degree angle for a while. So, realizing the severity of the situation, I started driving to the nearest VA hospital, only to be diverted (before I got all the way there, thankfully) to another, more distant VA hospital with a better urology staff. To fix this "penile fracture", as it's called, they needed to cut around the foreskin, where a circumcision would be, then roll the skin around the penis all the way down to the base. Then, they have access to the ruptured tube, so they can clean and suture it. At that point, they roll the skin back up and sew it back in place.

So yeah, I now have nineteen stitches around the top of my penis, and I don't even know how many on the inside. The ones inside will dissolve in six weeks or so, and the ones on the outside will take two weeks to dissolve, but that should be healed by then. For the next month, however, I'm prettymuch forbidden from having an erection. That's not a problem right now (I couldn't get hard if I tried), but maybe in a week or two, it'll be very bad.

For now, I have three prescription medications: An antibiotic, to ensure that neither wound gets infected; Valium, to ensure that I am relaxed enough when I sleep to not get an erection; and Vicodin, so that I don't feel like I had my penis sliced open.

... So now, what are y'all's worst injuries?

(Yes, it's okay. Go ahead and laugh.)

(Oh, and a tip for y'all guys. About half the time a penile fracture occurs, it's during intercourse -- most often when the woman is on top, or when she is on top of a desk or table or something, and the man pulls out too far and ends up ramming himself into the table. So I say to you ... be safe. Trust me, it's not fun. And on that note, if you wake up with an erection, don't push it too hard to get it into your pants.)