What the shit

[Pete]

So my ex of literally 4 years has just emailed me. Have not had contact with her since approx March 23, 2013; broke up with her in May of 2012 as many of you know.
Earlier today, she emails this .

My instinct is to not respond and delete, completely ignoring the situation. Part of me wants to tell her to go to hell one more time. Another part wants me to get nudes to share with those who want them. I've been with my current and future wife quality gf since December of 2012, so part of me really just wants nothing to do with her. Part of me wants to tell her to go to hell, especially because I know for a fact that she was on dating sites in the months before we split. The other part of me wants to be a dick, knowing that she hasn't done any better since me, and exploiting her for very meh nudes.

Your call tff

For reference, the relationship didn't end in epic disaster. It fizzled out, upon discovery that she MAY have been cheating on me online. Evidence points to cheating. Skyrim also played a heavy factor in this, but I'm OK with that. Almost a year after the breakup, she texted me asking to pick her up from the train. I vehemently declined. Long story short, choose!

[Rowan]

Im gonna be frank with you, and this is years of experience talking (probably similar age as you).

ACHTUNG!
DON'T GIVE HER THE ATTENTION SHE IS SO OBVIOUSLY CRAVING

As much as I wouldn't mind nudes, gotta do the bro thing here and give you the real advice. This is a desperate cry for attention and nothing more. Responding in any way or form is giving her what she wants. The only remnants of power you have left in that failed relationship, is to deny her this plea for attention.

And before we get any sour britches in here tell me im being harsh, just remember you owe her nothing, let alone a response.
Crack a beer, have a wank and keep striving for greatness.

[Yoko]

Noooooo!!! Is this hurricane? Stay away from that!!!! Even the other one you were telling me about is pretty crazy. It might seem mean, but since I have experienced and been the crazy bitch side of the relationship, do not give her the satisfaction of a response. It isn't worth it. You're in a much better place now.

[01habbo]

Telling her off or hitting her up for some nudes is probably not going to make you feel better. You'll probably just make yourself feel even more angry. The other choices you are left with is either be the bigger man and just reply to her and say the same or ignore her. To be honest being the bigger man can include ignoring as well, replying to her and telling her the same will be just lying to her. That isn't how you truly feel so the best decision is to just ignore her. Lying won't make you feel better and acting on your emotions to yell at her won't make you feel better.

It's better for you to just ignore it, don't give her the light of day. That will be the ultimate revenge.

[Rocky]

Ignore/Delete: probably best option, then again she may not leave you alone if she didn't think you got the message.

Tell her off: might be good for closure if you were looking for that. It also may make you seem bitter and unable to move on.

Reply in kind: good for making her get the picture that you moved on, then again its giving her attention and a hook and snare back into your life, which you may not care for at all after all that she did to you.

Nudes: great for them gold ol happy times, but there are plenty of chicks that do it for free.

What would I do? Complete dismissive answer, acknowledging you got the message but you don't really care. I think my response would be "OK thanks (lol)".

Idk Pete just sounds like she's doing it for her own sake, like she has a guilty conscience that needs to be cleared up. Or perhaps she really is sorry about her immaturity in the past, it can be hard to say. You know her better than anyone else, try to see what she's trying to infer, and respond accordingly.

[Clint]

You broke up, you both moved on. It's neutral ground. If it wasn't an email, if she walked up to you on the street and issued that apology to you, you wouldn't ignore her and walk away. You wouldn't tell her off. Not unless you're a sociopath. You'd most likely offer some polite words and be on your way. Rowan said something about denying her any sort of attention is the only power you have left from that failed relationship, but that's severely childish thinking. You're not in a relationship with this person, so it doesn't matter if you have power or not, unless if you're really insecure, but that isn't the impression I get from you.

All she's doing is issuing an apology. She made no mention of trying to bargain her way back into your life. I guess my advice is don't be a dick.

[Rowan]

You broke up, you both moved on. It's neutral ground. If it wasn't an email, if she walked up to you on the street and issued that apology to you, you wouldn't ignore her and walk away. You wouldn't tell her off. Not unless you're a sociopath. You'd most likely offer some polite words and be on your way. Rowan said something about denying her any sort of attention is the only power you have left from that failed relationship, but that's severely childish thinking. You're not in a relationship with this person, so it doesn't matter if you have power or not, unless if you're really insecure, but that isn't the impression I get from you.

All she's doing is issuing an apology. She made no mention of trying to bargain her way back into your life. I guess my advice is don't be a dick.

Obviously you have probably never felt the embarassment and humiliation of having someone cheat on you. Dignity can be a hard thing to regain to some people, others not so much. Im not judging Pete, I know hes a cool dude but I dont know what experiences hes had. All im doing is offering my advice, which I believe will allow him to leave his dignity in tact. I will say that I dont believe I have ever been cheated on, but I have been in a relationship in which I believe I was being humiliated at the time.

I believe I tend to know a great deal about these type of women. The type of women who sends a random message to an ex partner 4 years later with an unwarranted and pointless apology. They want attention, validation and redemption from their past actions.

Do not give her the satisfaction. Theres nothing childish about that. She wronged you. Its not about being "the bigger man" thats such a ****ing load of shit everytime I read that phrase. It essentially means "go against your will to become the biggest pretentious prick you believe you can be" dont bloom into the flower of faggotry because you want to be 'the bigger man'.

If someone murdered your wife or family member clint, would you forgive them if they asked for it and be the bigger man, or would rend them with a blunt knife?

[Yoko]

She knows full well you've received it. She wants a response, but probably knows she isn't going to get one. I sent something along the lines of that message years after breaking up with my ex. It's a self closure/trying to forgive whatever actions that drove her over the wall.

In a way I'm glad that my ex never responded. In hind sight, it wouldn't have been healthy if that can of worms was opened again. Stay healthy. It's better for the both of you in the long run.

[Clint]

If someone murdered your wife or family member clint, would you forgive them if they asked for it and be the bigger man, or would rend them with a blunt knife?

If my wife's hypothetical murderer was sincere in his apology, yes, I would absolutely forgive him.

And you're right, I've never felt what it's like for somebody to cheat on me, because I've only ever chosen one woman to be with, and she was the right one. Doesn't make what I said any less valid. If anything, I have a 100% success rate with romantic relationships, which should add some merit to what I said.

Nonetheless, being cheated on is no excuse to be angry four years later. That's absolutely ridiculous. There's no reason to react negatively to a simple apology.

[Rowan]

If my wife's hypothetical murderer was sincere in his apology, yes, I would absolutely forgive him

Thats some next level pope-like shit, man.


But you must concede that you could not call someone childish for refusing an apology, especially if its by means of a simple non-reply.

I'd also like to add, that if a women cheats on a man (or vice verse) It does not mean they ought to have less merit when it comes to relationship advice. That is a very unfair statement to say that because noone has cheated on you, that your advice is wroth more. Sometimes people are not who you think they are.

[Clint]

I think if you choose to spend part of your life with a person, even if that relationship ended, and she comes back years later offering an apology, you should have the decency to accept it, pending on the sincerity of it. If it's not sincere, then no reply is the best option. If she has other intentions other than to offer an apology, then it's not sincere. It's manipulation. But from what I read of Pete's email, she wasn't bargaining for anything else. I don't know her, but from the looks of it, it seems sincere enough.

I'd also like to add, that if a women cheats on a man (or vice verse) It does not mean they ought to have less merit when it comes to relationship advice. That is a very unfair statement to say that because noone has cheated on you, that your advice is wroth more. Sometimes people are not who you think they are.

If you have a relationship that's so poor that your significant other chooses to be with somebody else other than yourself, I'd definitely say you have less merit than somebody who has never been unsuccessful in love. No offense if you were cheated on, but there was a reason she did that, and responsibility doesn't solely fall on her. Sure, she's at fault for the act, but there was more going on than just her being a dirty whore.

[nix]

Where's the option for.... MURDER?!?!

Do that... or flush her head down the toilet..... Which is the one that's illegal

OR!!!

Do both, Murder by head flush!!!

All seriousness aside, I wouldn't bother responding, unless that you don't care about your current relationship..As it will bleed into that and you will have the head wreck of telling your current bird the whole shabang

[OceanEyes28]

The opposite of love is not hatred; it is indifference.

My advice is do not engage.

If you must, a polite, "Thank you for the apology and well wishes. I hope you do the same," can communicate benevolent indifference, so long as you don't let her rope you into further communication.

If it's been this long, she's apologizing for her own sake, not yours. It's up to you if you want to validate that.

You should also consider your future wife in all this. If I was with someone long term who told me an ex from ancient history had sent them an email apologizing, I would be comfortable exchanging a few "haha what the ****s" but I would become less comfortable if my SO began obsessing over how best to exact revenge. That would indicate to me that she still has power over my chosen someone, and that is unsettling.

[Rowan]

The consensus is as follows Pete:

Do not engage.
Do not reply
Do not validate

Crack a beer, have a wank and keep striving for greatness.

[OceanEyes28]

I, too, support masturbation as a decision making aid.

[Rowan]

If you have a relationship that's so poor that your significant other chooses to be with somebody else other than yourself, I'd definitely say you have less merit than somebody who has never been unsuccessful in love. No offense if you were cheated on, but there was a reason she did that, and responsibility doesn't solely fall on her. Sure, she's at fault for the act, but there was more going on than just her being a dirty whore.

Some women are whores, man. There is never a good reason to cheat. If you are not happy in a relationship, the best thing you can do as a person is to end it. You dont betray the person you're with before ending it, thats a disresepctful, whorish thing to do.

[Clint]

You should have been more careful when choosing who to spend your time with. If she's a whore, you should be able to tell before you engage in any sort of relationship.

[Pete]

So I wound up deleting the email and not responding. A few things mentioned here really made sense, as well as a few things that others have told me.

Ally is particularly right in that I really have no emotion towards her. I'm very happy where I am with my life right now. I don't need whatever drama or negativity that my ex would bring. Plus, there's no sense in keeping contact with someone who was undoubtedly shitty to me.

Part of me thinks there's some ulterior motive for this. There's no logical reason to reach out to an ex after years. Part of me hopes she's doing alright and in a good spot herself. One of my friends suggested the idea that maybe she's doing it as part of a rehab thing, but it's been years and I don't know.

I don't have the anger that I once had towards her, in fact I really feel nothing towards her. I get more mad at myself for not seeing enough of the signs and for not listening to my friends who were really trying to look out for me.

So long story short, I did nothing. Well that's not totally true. I had a bunch of beers and really stunk it up on star wars battlefront. Other than that, no contact with the ex whatsoever.

Thanks for the advice guys.
Yoko, it wasn't hurricane. She's a story for another day, and both Tammys to my Ron Swanson.

[Clint]

It's good that you didn't reply. You don't want to open doors that you closed years ago. It's a good thing that you took my advice. Everybody was telling you to reply, and I was the only person telling you not too. You are welcome.

[loaf]

What's a girlfriend?

[Pete]

What's a girlfriend?

The hand you don't scroll with

[Lacquer Head]

Response: "Who has two thumbs and doesn't give a ****? THIS guy" with a picture of you doing the thumb thing while kissing your girlfriend.

[Rowan]

even better still, reply with


"I faked every orgasm"

[OceanEyes28]

So THAT'S why there was never any frosting for toaster strudels. I'll be goddamned.

[Rowan]

So THAT'S why there was never any frosting for toaster strudels. I'll be goddamned.

Is this a sexual reference about strudels?

[OceanEyes28]

Is this a sexual reference about strudels?

Yeh.

[Rowan]

Yeh.

I think i just got it, but ive never heard a vagina being compared to a strudel before.

I've heard of the old meat purse and ham wallet.

[OceanEyes28]

Mostly I was considering a man faking an orgasm, and when I imagined what would be a useful material to really sell it, I remembered my favorite childhood treat.

[Clint]

I think a better material to use is blood. Ejaculate is 95% blood anyway. All you have to do is cut through the spongiosum inside of the urethra and puncture the bulbo-cavernous artery, and just let the blood gush out. It's so easy. Mimes do it all the time.

[01habbo]

I think i just got it, but ive never heard a vagina being compared to a strudel before.

I've heard of the old meat purse and ham wallet.

You guys have just ruined strudels for me.