The short answer:
Penis.
The longer answer (things I do like):
A sense of humour -- I can't talk to people who don't have one.
Somebody who shows a sense of stability/people who know how to take care of themselves. I'm not your keeper, I expect you to have half a brain.
Good hygiene. Seriously. Be clean.
Must be interested to learn about stuff I like. -- Generally, I'd never date somebody who's the polar opposite of me, but if I'm willing to give your hobbies a chance, you have to be willing to partake in mine ocassionally.
Be willing to spend time with me. -- I like my time alone, too but I expect us to hang around together a lot. Why else would we be dating?
Must be older than me. -- I'm not dating a younger man. No offence to anybody that does, but I find it slightly creepy. That said, he can't be much older than me, either. Five years is the very most I'd do, and that's only now that I'm an adult.
Be open. -- If somethings' bothering you, let me know. I don't want to play guessing games all night.
Honesty/be trustworthy. -- Obviously the fabric of any good relationship.
Trust me. -- I am trustworthy, if you're going to get paranoid about every little thing, then I'm going to ditch you. I can't be dealing with somebody who cries paranoid fantasies at me all day everyday. I don't care what your excuse is.
Also, I prefer not to date men who have had an outlandish amount of girlfriends/sexual partners. To me, that says you're either insecure or that you've been sexually deviant, and I can't be bothered with men who have been round the block sixty million times.
Don't put me down if I don't know something/ask you something. -- I'm not stupid, but if I ask you something, it's because I'm interested or because I trust you to answer my question without making me feel like a knob about it. (Admittedly, I've never dated anybody like this, but I hear a lot of stories.)
And if love was to come from it... well I expect you to show me you care, either by telling me you love me every once in a while, or by doing a nice gesture for me. Nothing huge is required, just something thoughtful, like warming a towel for me when I get out of the bath or making me soup when I'm sick, etc.
Be my friend. -- Let's hang out not only as partners, but as friends. We don't need to kiss and cuddle constantly. I like hanging out over a game and eating a pizza the same amount.
Like animals. Especially rodents and small critters. Hamsters/mice/rats/gerbils/etc. You may find this dirty, but surprisingly, tamed rodents are very clean animals. My hamsters are so self-conscious, they clean themelves almost everytime they're awake (within the exception of my youngest, who is the scruffy one of the lot.)
And... have similar goals to me. If our lives can't coincide peacefully, then what's the point?
Things I don't like:
Overly romantic men. -- Please, if you're more of a girl than me, it's just not worth it.
Lying. -- Seriously, I wouldn't lie to you, so why do the same to me? I find liars annoying little attention seekers.
Instability. -- I mean this with everything; money, mental health, addictions to dangerous things, paranoia, overt jealousy. Call that selfish if you want, I don't really care. I like my man to be stable and not a mental wreck.
Don't constantly tell me how attractive other women are. -- I don't expect you to not to find other woman attractive, but if you're looking at them constantly, it implies you're not that interested in me.
Also, if you dislike animals, you're not going to get far with me. I have pets and I love them all dearly and if you don't like them, too, then my opinion of you will seriously decrease. Sorry, but that's one of the number 1 rules.
Don't be clingy -- this doesn't mean we can't hang out. But I don't need to hear you write essays on how much you love me every few minutes.
Don't expect me to schedule my life around your needs -- I have things to do, too. Give me some time to take care of errands, then I'll spend time with you.
Excessive smoking and drinking is extremely unattractive and I won't waste my life with somebody like that. Illegal drug use will not be tolerated in any way or form, either.
Don't expect impossible demands to be met. -- I don't expect you to change your whole life around for me, so don't expect me to change my whole life around for you. Little sacrifices are acceptable, and maybe even a moderately large sacrifice, depending on it's nature and how much damage it's doing.
-- So yeah, call that a huge and high maintenance list, but I explained to you what I like and dislike. My boyfriend fits all of my above, so I don't need to worry about having trouble finding somebody.
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