Uncle/Aunt Vs. Proper Name. A debate

[VidenTheColdOne]

(i didn't put this into the debate thing, because i don't feel it's worthy of "Expanding one's mind" lol)

Ok. This is the scenario. Say your biological Aunt/Uncle moves in with you. Now, this is not a man/woman who you have known your entire life. In fact, you have met him once, and that was when you were so small you could not even remember. You barely even knew he existed. Now say you are in your 20's. This is 20 or so years of no contact. Said person suddenly moves in, and expects you to call him/her Uncle/Aunt. Do you call them Uncle/Aunt, or do you use thier proper name?

This comes up since this actually happened to me recently. Now he insists that i call him "Uncle". I do not feel he IS my uncle, due to the fact that i have only known him for about 4-6 months. I have friends who i feel are more family than him. Family is A lot more than just blood. Therefore i don't call him "Uncle" I discussed it with my Aunts, who have been with me since i was a baby, and even them i call by thier proper names on most occasions. They say they don't care, and that since i am an adult (22) it should not matter. I agree. I am old enough that i shouldn't have to call them by thier title. It isn't as though i call my dad by his proper name. Aunts and Uncles are different. What are your thoughts/opinions?

[Nightmare Cloud]

I don't see why you should have to call this guy 'uncle', especially since you hardly know him. At your age, I don't think calling him 'uncle' is important anyway. I mean, I'm 16 and I don't do that too often.

[GypsyElder]

Hmm. Well, I personally call my aunts and uncles by Auntie/uncle followed by their name. For example I call my Aunt Fey, "Auntie fey" and when anyone else in my family is referring to them, while talking to me they say the same. If it's my dad or another relative other than myself, brother, or cousins they say auntie/uncle[ fill in the blank ]

I say, if you don't feel comfortable referring to him as just "uncle" maybe using his actual name along with it might make you feel a little better. If the Uncle part in general just completely wireds you out, then call him by whatever makes you comfortable. I don't think it should be a big deal unless he's absolutely demanding that you address him as "uncle".

[The Dark Crystal]

When talking to my uncles I usually call them by their proper name. Though when I'm talking to my aunt's I say "aunt' then their proper name. Most of my Uncles are more like Best friends, and I can say what I want or whats on my mind and they do not care. When I refer to my aunts I think I still use the word aunt just as a sign of respect.

Ok. This is the scenario. Say your biological Aunt/Uncle moves in with you. Now, this is not a man/woman who you have known your entire life. In fact, you have met him once, and that was when you were so small you could not even remember. You barely even knew he existed. Now say you are in your 20's. This is 20 or so years of no contact. Said person suddenly moves in, and expects you to call him/her Uncle/Aunt. Do you call them Uncle/Aunt, or do you use thier proper name?

I totally agree with your statement though, because their is more to family then blood as you said. I also think if they really cared about you they would have stayed in contact with you over those 15-17 years you didn't see them. (you said you were young at the time, so that is just a guess)

I'm not saying you shouldn't try to build a relationship with them, because you should since they are family, but I don't think you have to call him/her uncle/aunt to build that relationship.

[Block]

Who does it hurt to call him Uncle? I mean, what if his name was just Uncle? Would you require him a nick name just to avoid bestowing the title upon someone you barely know? More importantly who really knows their Uncle? I have 3 Uncles and only one of them I have come to know in the past 5 to 6 years of my life. Does it hurt you in anyway to show a man who is your elder a little respect and call him by the name he requests of you?

Last bit of info, being 22 hardly makes you an adult. Judging by this topic and how hell bent you are on avoiding this new uncle I'd say you're a couple of years off of calling yourself an adult. I say this, by the way, as a 25 year old child.

[Che]

He wants to get closer to you, and him wanting to be called uncle is his way of doing it. If he really is a good person, even though you may not personally know him, you may warm up to it and one day call him uncle. Sounds a little like you're taking this a little bit too far, but I've never had my uncle move in with me...

Just start callin him "uncle bro" and invite him to your xbox and beerpong parties for some real bonding. It's not a bad thing to get to know your uncle.

And tell your aunt to make you a god damned pie. And make it apple.

[Block]

And tell your aunt to make you a god damned pie. And make it apple.

That reminds me of ocarina of time. Amazing the things the memory rolls back for you.

Call him Uncle.

[Xithor]

I have to agree with Che, although he might not have been their for you your entire life he just wants to try and get close to you. Calling him uncle is just his way of trying to break the ice in a sense. I call my uncles and aunts Tia and Tio but that's because my family is Spanish and we're all really close. If you're blood you're family and it doesn't matter how long it's been. Although I have been in contact with all my family members so I can't put myself in your shoes Viden

[Tiffany]

To me, you have to earn the right to be called my Aunt or Uncle. If you haven't done jack for me then don't expect me to give you a title of distinction. Although, if he is trying then I don't see the harm of waiting it out.

I wouldn't take well to someone demanding it of me though.

[Pendulous]

To me it has nothing to do with how well you know them. At a certain point, I call my aunts and uncles by their names. After 20 I'd say there should be no problem.

[Furore]

He moved in with you, yeah?
Why not call him whatever you want and if he gets annoying just threaten to give him the boot? Easy peasy.

For the very reason that some elderly people can act like children I don't believe older people should gain instant respect. If they were there for you as a kid then they've earnt the respect. If they earn it later, that's fine too, other than that you owe them nothing regardless of how old you are and how old they are.

Of course if they were senior citizen old and beginning to fall to pieces you'd be an asshole to disrespect their request, so there are exceptions to my general opinion.

[Sinister]

Can't help much, never could stand the majority of my aunts and uncles so I never called them anything. When I do have to speak to one of my aunts and uncles that I can stand, I adjust for the situation.

My aunt that I dearly love, is called simply, Sis or Sissy. (due to her being called Sis by my mother.) My uncle is called Uncle *insert first name here*. My other Uncle prefers me to call him simply by his first name.

If he's someone you respect or someone who has earned your respect I hardly see the harm in calling him what he wants. If you don't like him, then to **** with him. Call him whatever you want.

-Sin

[Block]

We don't know each other at all. Let's say then that we meet and I tell you my name is Robert, but all my friends call me Pops. Would you then go, "you weren't my father for 22 years!? wtf!?" or would you simply be polite and call me by what I request.

More over, just because he hasn't "been there for you", which I'm assuming to you means no money for the birthday or Christmas, it doesn't mean that you can't be there for him now when times are rough and he's relying on family to get back on his feet. Bitch more about words you have to say.

[loaf]

When I was young I put Aunt and Uncle in front of it. I think when I was like 14 I just stopped saying it. Just said their name, I don't think it's a big deal.

[Furore]

We don't know each other at all. Let's say then that we meet and I tell you my name is Robert, but all my friends call me Pops. Would you then go, "you weren't my father for 22 years!? wtf!?" or would you simply be polite and call me by what I request.

More over, just because he hasn't "been there for you", which I'm assuming to you means no money for the birthday or Christmas, it doesn't mean that you can't be there for him now when times are rough and he's relying on family to get back on his feet. Bitch more about words you have to say.

Actually by 'been there for you', I mean 'at all'.
I have a large extended family and so long as they've been willing to have a relationship going, even if it's just the occasional letter, I consider that being there.

If it's some random relative I never met who wants to move in randomly there's a good chance I won't be treating him the same way I treat those who've made the effort to get to know me and foster a relationship.

Perhaps you'd let a stranger with the same blood mooch off of you and even treat them with respect (via usage of a title reserved for elder members of your family), but I'll be damned if I do.

Then again, I consider some of my friends to be more 'family' then some of my 'blood related' family so perhaps that factors into it. I just don't invest that level of trust so easily and why should I be expected to?

[loaf]

I know of one person I'd call Uncle still. The fool aint even my Uncle.

[VidenTheColdOne]

Thank you for the insight all of you. Please continue.

I wanted to post without adding biased facts, but now i would like to see if any opinions change with this new information.

I began calling him by his proper name, because i don't know him at all, let alone as my father's brother. He began to insist i call him "Uncle" but i just cannot. You say if i have respect for him then it should be no problem. Well i have to say that, unfortunately i do not have much respect for the man. He can be very rude, and obnoxious. He is also extremely racist (not that i'm trying to be mean, but these are just examples. He says things lie "Taco" "Nagger"), which i find appalling beyond anything. I have a very open mind, and he seems to close his to any new ideas. And this isn't just once or twice, he does it all the time. Also, every other word out of his mouth seems to be the "f" word. He does not act like a respectful man, therefore i refuse to give him my respect. Just because you are old, or even blood related doesn't mean it's a "get out of jail free" card. Earn it. That's all i'm saying.

[Dodie16]

I'm was in a similar situation to you, and I also feel that people that you are related to when they're out of your life for so long, need to earn the right to be called an endearing term such as Uncle or Aunt. If they aren't in your life like that, and suddenly are, it just feels awkward and forced to me. I don't think it helps that he just absolutely wants you to call him "uncle".

I also feel that you can lose the respect and privilege of being called an endearing term as well, even if they were in your life from the very beginning. I had a "falling out" with my biological mother, so I don't feel the need to ever call her "mom" ever again. My stepmother is the one that I call mom.

I do think you need to give him that chance though, but from the sound of things in your later post, it might be a bit difficult.

[winterborn86]

I never use Auntie or Uncle before their names, I just call them by name my whole family do it so no one cares, I'm the same with my kids, if I take them to see my sis, I will say "lets go see Sarah" instead of Auntie Sarah but my partner is different, when he takes the kids to see his brother or sisters he calls them Auntie/Uncle whoever but I will still just call them by their names.

[Josh_R]

I usually don't call most of my aunts/uncles aunt or uncle followed by name. They are not that much older than myself. My mom sister is 22. Barely older than myself so I call her by her name Samantha. I have had a few that I called aunt or uncle followed by name, but they are long since deceased..

[Unknown Entity]

I hardly ever see my aunts and uncles - it's been a good few years since the last time I saw them, infact. It's not their fault they live so far away (there was a lot of issues before I was born, one of them being that my uncle was forcefully taken away from my nan by his abusive father, and she didn't see him for a few decades, and another down to love, when my aunt moved to Australia to be with her boyfriend - now husband).

So really, I just call them Aunty/Uncle followed by their name. One of my aunts said we can call her just by her name, but "Aunty..." still rolls off the tongue. Every now and then in social situations, I might just call them by their name, or a part of their name/nickname.

For me, not saying Aunty/Uncle is like calling my mum by her first name - it feels strange, unless it's meant to be a joke. =S

EDIT: Probably won't happen for a good few years, but I don't think I'd mind being called "Aunty Gemma" by any children my brother has, or the children of closer friends. I think it'd be kind of cool. xD;

[VidenTheColdOne]

I have 3 nephews, and a niece. I wouldn't mind them calling me uncle, but i'm not going to make them. It's thier choice.

[Che]

Thank you for the insight all of you. Please continue.

I wanted to post without adding biased facts, but now i would like to see if any opinions change with this new information.

I began calling him by his proper name, because i don't know him at all, let alone as my father's brother. He began to insist i call him "Uncle" but i just cannot. You say if i have respect for him then it should be no problem. Well i have to say that, unfortunately i do not have much respect for the man. He can be very rude, and obnoxious. He is also extremely racist (not that i'm trying to be mean, but these are just examples. He says things lie "Taco" "Nagger"), which i find appalling beyond anything. I have a very open mind, and he seems to close his to any new ideas. And this isn't just once or twice, he does it all the time. Also, every other word out of his mouth seems to be the "f" word. He does not act like a respectful man, therefore i refuse to give him my respect. Just because you are old, or even blood related doesn't mean it's a "get out of jail free" card. Earn it. That's all i'm saying.

How are you supposed to ask us something like this without giving us all the facts? Opinions are biased, and that's what you're asking for. The fact that you were asking our opinions without giving us all the facts seems weird to me, because you're basically asking us to give opinions on two totally different things now. Should have just asked this one first imo. <3

And now my previous post was a waste of time because I'm obviously going to say that you can't respect a man who doesn't respect stuff himself.

[DragonHeart]

If you don't want to call him 'uncle' then don't.

When I was young I'd call them Aunt ____ or Uncle ____, but now that I'm older I just call them all by their first names. I'll still refer to them as aunt or uncle if I'm talking about them in conversation, but I've not used the title to them directly in a long time.

It depends on the family, too. My mom's side of the family (where all said aunts and uncles are from) is very casual and laid back, it's no big deal. On the other hand, I would never call any of my father's relatives by name alone, always with their proper title. Why? Because they're rich and proper and that's just how it is. It's not so much a term of endearment with them as it is one of respect. I've always thought calling a relative by their first name was a more of an endearment than using their familial title but again, that's how I was raised.

I'd say just call him by whatever makes you feel comfortable, name or title.

~DragonHeart~

[VidenTheColdOne]

Sorry if i confuzzed you. perhaps i should have given you all the facts. i guess i just wanted to see if anyone would change thier opinion, or stick with thier guns, and go for the "family is family" argument. Though many people have stated what i already suspected. I tried talking to my uncle last night about some of these things, but he does not listen very well, he likes to interupt. It's getting to the point where if we can't work things out, i'm just going to ignore him. There is no point in fighting with him over stupid stuff, if he doesn't want to be civilized, than so be it.

[Che]

Sounds like some white trash shit.