A Question to the TFF Ladies: Controlling Boyfriends

[Govinda]

Your sister's not in a good place, Cid. I hope she sees the light soon and gets rid of that scumbag before he goes psycho with his possessiveness, which he probably will do at some point.

I could never be in a relationship like that; but at the same time, that's a very easy thing to say. I've seen strong women brought down by men like your sister's boyfriend; they start by accepting the possessive/jealous thing, and then move into a defensive position where questions about their shitty boyfriend only prompt rationalisations of their behaviour and crap about how it's backward to think that men should pay for everything. Pointing out that having the woman pay for everything is no more forward thinking does nothing.

If your sister started from a position of low self confidence, she probably took the jealousy as a compliment. Women who haven't had too many men or think that their chances of finding a new one should their current relationship end will go to any lengths of inner rationalisation to keep the 'relationship' going, if not alive.

To answer your questions, I've never been with a jealous layabout before, and I've never had a relationship my family didn't approve of.

I have a question for you, if you don't mind - does your sister have friends, and time to see them between her two jobs and her man? Does she get out with the girlies often? If so, it could be in your interests to ask them what they think of the boyfriend. Girly girls can be a powerful tool in a woman's life if you get them on side.

[Hiromi Kikawada]

I have never been in a relationship before...but i think that if you talk with your boyfriend or girlfriend about how you feel then they will listen if they truely love you...does that make sence?

Rikkuffx-san!!!!Your story is so sad...but its okay,Your a good person.^.^
(Hiromi hasn't even had a kiss before yet...)

[Chez Daja]

Your sister's not in a good place, Cid. I hope she sees the light soon and gets rid of that scumbag before he goes psycho with his possessiveness, which he probably will do at some point.

Exactly. Over a vague assessment, I realised that most woman who like being controlled are those that have very low self esteem, don't have any self respect or aren't often good friends with the person they're in a relationship with. That said, I was like that when I was fourteen or fifteen (so still only a child, but I'm using it as an example), and that was because my boyfriend at the time had taken days of ignoring me or not letting me know where he was or if he was okay. Nobody wants to be in a relationship like that, so I think I let him control me for a while in hopes that he might treat me better.
I also find that it's younger men that like to have girls to control. I don't know a single guy who enjoys being depended on and likes to control their girlfriend who is over the age of nineteen (again this is out of people I know, and know of), except for men that have serious problems... anybody who has a normal slate of health and is a man and likes to control a girl is just a creep (or was seriously bullied as a child) and that's all there is to it.

Cain, has your sisters' problem improved?