I like passion as much as the next guy, but you know what I like more than passion? Making people know that I'm not ****ing gay. I don't wanna take the chance that someone might think I'm gay and go for the obviously pre-OK'd buttsex I just agreed to that comes when someone confirms you're gay.

If my wife ever tells me to come to bed, you know what bitch? I'm ****ing playing videogames. When was the last time a videogame ****ed another videogame in the ass? That's right. Never.