I need advice

[Yoko]

As the title states, I need advice. It's kind of stupid of me to ask this because I do know what the end result should be, I just want to see your thoughts on the matter.

So, I went through a bad break up a couple years back. The end result in order to stop the craziness was to get him to delete and block me on facebook. Of course that didn't shut me up, but it was a start. After a while, I stopped trying to contact him. The friendship was too far gone anyway.

To get to the point, it seems as though he has unblocked me. I don't know why I checked, but I did. The only option I can do on his profile is send him a message. My question is, do I say something, or do I ignore it and keep going with my life. Bear in mind that I feel terrible for all of the shit I caused and would do anything to apologize to him (Don't think I haven't though..It's just that my words never reached him to the best of my knowledge). Secondly, I want to know that he's okay. I still care about him. You know?

So, let me know. Am I being stupid or not?

[Alpha]

We can't really help without knowing more. It sounds as though he broke up with you, not the other way around. You're not over him?

If he's moved on, you'll have to accept it.

Contact him if you can handle being _friends_, otherwise drop it.

[Yoko]

Yes, I can handle the just being friends. And I have accepted that he's moved on. This is just one of the last things I expected.

I'm probably not going to share more of this story. It's depressing as shit and I know how much you all loooooove depressing shit. I'll spare you the drama. I was a reeeeeally bad girlfriend anyway.

I've spent the first year trying to get him back. Went crazy....said things. The next year I tried to forget him. That sure as hell didn't work. I found that accepting things the way they are worked best. The thing I'm missing is closure. Damn one's need for closure. It sucks.

[che]

Doesn't sound like you can handle it. My advice it to move on yourself. Life goes on buddy.

[Halie]

Well as a person who's been in your ex's shoes I'd say giving him a message to apologise and wish him well might be a good idea. It'll give you a sense of closure even if he doesn't reply. I'd be very nonchalant about it, though. If it's been a while then I think it's okay. I broke up with someone who went a little cray cray (very) afterwards, but recently he messaged me and apologised and I accepted, I also respect him a lot more now.

If you really want to, which it seems like you do, then I say yes.

[Mystyrion]

Better to build bridges than burn them. Even if it is just a simple apology.
I have been on the opposite side of the spectrum. At first when my ex apologized to me I thought nothing of it. I didn't really care, didn't really want to care after the shit she put me through.

The longer I thought about it though, I realized that it was just a friendly gesture towards me. Trying to harbor no ill will against her. We don't talk, we don't see each other, we aren't even friends on facebook, but we are on good terms. So I'm guessing she got what she wanted out of it.

[Yoko]

Halie, I have tried that. It didn't really work for me.

I think the thing I need to do is forget I even saw that he unblocked me and keep going with my own life normally. If something happens, it happens. Chances are, it won't. But I won't be forcing any doors open that really don't need to be opened. It was nice enough to unblock me. I'll just leave it at that. I don't want to talk to him or see him or any of that. What's done is done. I moved away and I'm moving on.

Sorry for the silly thread guys. I appreciate the advice

[che]

Halie, I have tried that. It didn't really work for me.

I think the thing I need to do is forget I even saw that he unblocked me and keep going with my own life normally. If something happens, it happens. Chances are, it won't. But I won't be forcing any doors open that really don't need to be opened. It was nice enough to unblock me. I'll just leave it at that. I don't want to talk to him or see him or any of that. What's done is done. I moved away and I'm moving on.

Sorry for the silly thread guys. I appreciate the advice

wHAT A SILLY THREAD. BAN PLZ NOW

[Yoko]

wHAT A SILLY THREAD. BAN ME NOW

Fixed che

[Cyanist]

Okay, I have an older sister who will go to extreme lengths to avoid saying she's sorry, so I am speaking from experience this time. Me: "Srsly? Sis, It's TWO WORDS!"
If you are really sorry and if you're a true adult, I think you should bite your embarrassment (I assume that's what it is) and just apologize. Hey, it doesn't mean you have to be friends it doesn't mean you have to go through whatever you did again. and it doesn't mean you have to be on polite speaking terms for the rest of your life, either. It's the right thing. Sure, it will help you move on, but it will also give you peace of mind that you aced at least this portion of a difficult phase in your life.
But I guess it wouldn't be too bad if you don't... Maybe someone might assume you haven't grown from this experience. Not that you should particularly care what anyone other than yourself thinks... my head is beginning to hurt.

[Yoko]

If you are really sorry and if you're a true adult, I think you should bite your embarrassment (I assume that's what it is) and just apologize.

I have apologized. Quite a few times actually. He just never responded. Thanks for the advice though. I have always thought of trying again, but after trying so many times, why would this time be any different?

[Azuteor]

Have you been apologizing over Facebook this whole time? If my ex tried to do that, I wouldn't have it. I'd think that she was trying to go the easy way out of the apology. If you haven't talked to him one on one with him then I'd advise it. It shows that you care that much. ...BUT...It's been a couple years since that happened and it's all in the past.

Maybe give him a call to ask him how life is?

[Yoko]

Nope. Last time I apologized, it was a year ago. A little under actually. And the last time was through e mail. Facebook was blocked two years ago.

Last time I tried to apologize to him in person...(or at least have a conversation with him), it was around Christmas 2009. That was the last time I saw him...Went crazy after that. Not pleasant. That isn't the point. He has been un-contactable for almost two years. Changed his number (he always hated phone calls anyway). The point I'm trying to make here is whether or not it really is a smart idea to try again, or to let this sleeping dog lie. The latter being that he is actually alright and living his own life, and I will continue to live mine. I'm beginning to like the latter idea anyway.

I have moved on, believe it or not. It took me a while. I am quite happy with my life and the decision he made to break up. No matter how much I hated it at the time. It was for the better. I was already going crazy anyway (He lives in Kingston to the best of my knowledge. Not like I need to know. I live in Barrie. The two places are a fair distance apart. Our relationship wouldn't have lasted long. We broke up earlier that year). I got the help I needed and I'm dealing with it. This was just an idea that re-popped into my head since I saw that he had unblocked me. In a way, I think he's testing me to see what I'll do. In all honesty, I don't want to talk to him. I don't think we can ever be friends again. That's alright. As long as he's okay.

[LocoColt04]

If you honestly don't want to talk to him, then don't worry about it.

Maybe he didn't unblock you - maybe he started a new facebook account and then didn't have an existing block list.

I think if you feel that nothing will come of it, don't hurt yourself attempting to make amends. If he wanted to, he would have acknowledged at least one of your apologies.

[Pete]

There's always the less likely possibility that he was just bored, late one night and was curious as to what you were up to. I've looked up exes in the past for that sole curiosity, because trust me, there's no way I'm even thinking about getting back with them. I was just kinda bored and possibly a wee bit tipsy after a few beers and thought "Oh, what's she been up to?"

I wouldn't try to contact them, even if they unblocked you. It just doesn't look all that good on your part if you start hitting them up right after they became available. If he wants to talk to you, he'll get around to it.

No need to rekindle things if they ended poorly, because despite how much either of you have changed, a lot of resentment and old feelings can creep up and it can only be bad news.

[seanb]

Leave the poor chap alone and just move on,
if it ain't broke.....

[Crescent]

Girl..it sounds like you havent moved on or maybe your just real bored..Just dont even go there. Leave him alone. You've said you reached out to him multiple times..well then the ball's been in his court for a while now..He would've responded if he wanted to get back in touch..Let it go. Find some closure in another way.. maybe find the answers and reflect within yourself

[Lily]

it might look a little crazy if he has unblocked you after 2 years and 5 minutes later youre messaging him, its like youve just been sat waiting for it to happen. id leave it.

if youre still beating yourself up over it in a couple months time, and youre still unblocked, i dont suppose a hi how are you could do much harmand see what happens from there

[NikkiLinkle]

If you've already apologized in the past, don't spend anymore time apologizing. You're doing great things with yourself, focus on you and not the past. You're ok and you'll continue to be ok

[Order]

Im goin to be very blunt.
Stop reading now if you cant handle it.





To him, you are the psycho ex who wont quit.
Every form of contact from you is pathetic and aggrivating. He may not have the will power to completely ignore you, but nothing but hate will come of you interacting with him.
Do whats right, do what you already know you should.
You dont deserve the relief of an accepted apology. Your relationship was terrible and your desparate attempts at prolonging the suffering have made you an enemy to him.

Burn the bridge.
Cut all ties.
Find somone you wont take for granted like you took him for granted.
Treat that new person better. Dont tell them about how you annihilated this relationship.
Stop being utterly selfish and irrational.


You will eventually learn this is all true and correct.
Follow this advice and you will feel better.
Ignore my advice and your shame and embarassment will continue.

[Yoko]

Im goin to be very blunt.
Stop reading now if you cant handle it.





To him, you are the psycho ex who wont quit.
Every form of contact from you is pathetic and aggrivating. He may not have the will power to completely ignore you, but nothing but hate will come of you interacting with him.
Do whats right, do what you already know you should.
You dont deserve the relief of an accepted apology. Your relationship was terrible and your desparate attempts at prolonging the suffering have made you an enemy to him.

Burn the bridge.
Cut all ties.
Find somone you wont take for granted like you took him for granted.
Treat that new person better. Dont tell them about how you annihilated this relationship.
Stop being utterly selfish and irrational.


You will eventually learn this is all true and correct.
Follow this advice and you will feel better.
Ignore my advice and your shame and embarassment will continue.

There are so many ways I could reply to this, so I will start with this: Thanks.

One of the things that I need to prove to myself more than anyone else is that I have changed. The old me would have said something already. The fact that I haven't already means that I've learned something. The ball is in his court. If he wants to say something, let him. I won't be the one to do it.

Everything else you said doesn't apply because that's already what has happened. Thanks for jumping to conclusions about me. That gets you reeeeeeeeeeally far in life.

[Cyanist]

Ah, you've already apologized several times on-line? I wasn't aware of that. Forget everything I said before. It is now obvious that he was the childish one. Don't bother taking pains to see the creep in person. If he initiates conversation, I advise you be distant.

[saio]

i'm probably going to regret this (i don't like giving advice).
i suggest you move on,
his actions clearly state that he's moving on,
be an adult and do the same
you will feel better as a result,
don't open a door that's better left closed

(note: this is just a suggestion,
you are in control of you're own life,
so you don't have to listen to anyone)