I can't ever show a girl a good time. I'm gonna die alone.

[Cereal~Killer]

Anytime I have a chance with a girl, I always screw up any chances I had because I just get so nervous and can't conversate too well. It's like a cloud of silence just fogs up my brain and I can't think of things to say. I had a shot tonight, since I was hanging out with this girl at the annual fair, and again I think I screwed up. I mean, there were little moments I felt went well, but overall, it was pretty bad. I mean, when we parted at the end of the night, all she said was "cool" and then "bye." Damn I feel like I'm just destined to be alone forever. Now matter how much I want a girl (which is ALOT) and now matter how much I prepare, it always ends up the same. I could die right now. I'm getting near that point where I just want to give up. I'm 23 years old, for God's sake. This would be a normal problem with a 15 year old boy. I shouldn't still be having this problem at my age. Any advice anyone would like to give me?

[che]

First of all, change your username. If you're telling a girl your username irl she might not know which way to spell it. That's one more conversation you have to avoid that you don't want to.

Joking aside, stop "trying". Just relax, take a deep breath. You're going to be liked for who you are, not for the Brad Pitt you've built up in your head you need to try to be. Having never met you, you're probably pretty awesome, as most people are, you just have to accentuate the things you're unique at.

If you care a lot about a girl to get that nervous, that's saying a lot upfront. But you're not gonna make her interested by being nervous and fake and trying to be something you're not. Actually this works quite the opposite. What you have to do is settle down, and enjoy being with her genuinely. Once you're out with her and you get over the fact that she's absolutely gorgeous you'll realize you're just having a good time with a friend. Then you can decide if you have more feelings for her or if you don't. And she can accurately judge you instead of trying to sift through your awkwardness. Which might be cute to some girls.

Don't give up man. You seem like a nice guy. Just be yourself (hardest advice to take ever if you're afraid of failure, yet it's the best advice, trust me). Next time you're out doing something, call the girl up and ask her to come hang out. If you can tell she didn't enjoy the fair trip, make it known you won't be as awkward on this next hangout.

[Bubble Boy]

Ever think maybe you're just not hanging out with the right kind of girl? There are some people you meet that you just 'click' with and conversation flows naturally.

[The Dark Crystal]

I absolutely agree with che on this.

Another thing, girls love confidence, when you act like you said you did that was probably the biggest turn off for her. You gotta be in control, but don't push it, let her know you are here to be yourself, and don't be afraid to do so.
I'm not saying to get a big head either, that can also be a turn off, you just gotta find that sweet/G spot my friend!

Like bubble boy said as well, sometimes you just aren't hanging with the right one, and no matter what, you just won't get that long term relation you are looking for. doesn't mean it can't happen, but most likely it won't last.
Their are plenty of fish in the sea man, and their will be that one, just give it some time.

We can tell you these things, but it's all up to you to do what yea gotta do. I think most of us go through the similier problem, you just gotta practice, and learn from your mistakes basically. I wish you the best of luck my friend!

[Joe]

There was a bit in the movie "There's Something About Mary" where they say that if you "gas the badger", so to speak, before you talk to a girl/go out on a date, you'll be more relaxed and thus less awkward.

Just don't get it stuck to your ear like Ben Stiller did, even if the girl did mistake that stuff for hair gel.



Dunno what else to tell you, since I kinda suck with women, but manage to be friends with a bunch of beautiful girls

[OnOneRyder]

Talk to her as you would a guy friend, minus the immaturity and a guy friend you wanna sleep with....? She's going to find out everything about you if it gets serious anyway, may as well just be yourself right off the bat and she'll either dig you or not.

[loaf]

There was a bit in the movie "There's Something About Mary" where they say that if you "gas the badger", so to speak, before you talk to a girl/go out on a date, you'll be more relaxed and thus less awkward.

Just don't get it stuck to your ear like Ben Stiller did, even if the girl did mistake that stuff for hair gel.



Dunno what else to tell you, since I kinda suck with women, but manage to be friends with a bunch of beautiful girls

No man should go out with a loaded gun.

Also there is this song, i think from like the 80s? Called Girls just wanna have fun?

It's pretty much that.

[Rowan]

Pretty much all that has been said. Although its easier said than done.
"I know you're nervous, dont be"
Try telling to someone with a phobia of anything. It just doesnt work. Im not saying you have a phobia of women, but im guessing you dont talk to women much/if at all? Sometimes if you feel awkward, it might be her thats making you feel that way. What I mean by this is that perhaps some of her mannerisms intimidate you subconciously. Its not out of the ordinary to feel slightly awkward talking to someone you've just met, but perhaps you cuold work on your social skills. Im not sure where you're at right now in your life, but I use to be socially awkward too when I was single and talking to girls. The thing that helped me was working in retail. They force you to greet complete strangers every couple of minutes. After a year or 2 at several different retail outlets, I could comfortably talk/ask strangers anything without feeling awkward. I realised that prior to working in retail, I was socially inexperienced. If you come to understand this then you'll feel better about yourself and more confident talking to girls. You just need more practice and a little motivation. I strongly sugguest working in retail.

[NikkiLinkle]

Just be yourself and be honest with a girl you like, that you are a bit anxious. If the girl really likes you, she'll understand. The fact that you actually hung out with a girl, must mean something right? Just try not to look into things too much and just enjoy your time together. Good luck

[Yoko]

All that's been said is really good advice. Feeling nervous/awkward is a natural feeling. It means you're human. I used to be awkward as a kid. I probably am still awkward. What you need to do is push past that awkward feeling and just go for it. It takes practice. Don't expect to be a pro right off the bat. If a girl can't see you for who you are inside, she probably isn't worth going after. There are better girls out there. It's just a matter of being patient.

The key thing to do in any situation is relax. Stay calm. A calm mind is a good mind. Once you start to get anxious/nervous, that's when things start to go haywire in that brain. That is still normal, but try not to over think things.

As Rowan said, retail does help. It helped me as well.

[OceanEyes28]

Realtalk, your current attitude toward dating puts a lot of pressure on the lady you're taking out and you should chill.

Example. Over the top, but still useful. About a year ago, I met this woman at a bar and she started telling me about her son. It was a bar I frequented for open mic, and a few weeks later, she was back with her kid. I met him, he was shy as ****, whatever. His mom tells me later that her son thinks I'm "hot." Also, she starts telling me how he had his heart broken a while ago and has been afraid of dating and is really just looking for his true love.

Holy ****.

1. If he's the kind of guy who needs his mom to make all the moves, I'm not his type. Most girls probably aren't (this doesn't seem to be your problem, but I'M JUST SAYING).
2. I just met this mother****er, I'm not trying to be his true love. And now I'm not even trying to have a conversation because I'm weirded out.


I know it sounds a little unfair, brushing someone off like that. But first impressions mean a lot and there are a lot of creepy ****ing dudes (and moms) out there. If it seems like they're going to turn out that way, I want to cut ties and gtfo as soon as possible.

Whether or not you mean to, if you're freaking out about how you can't get a girl to like you and THIS time HAS to work OMG... it's going to come off as desperation and creepiness/he might stalk me oh god.


ALSO. You are putting the pussy on a pedestal and all that gets you is taken advantage of. The girls who will treat you well are the ones who want to be talked to like friends/human beings. Putting us (and our youknowwhats) up on that pedestal puts a bunch of pressure on us to be perfect. We worry that you're interested in an idealized version of who we are and if we **** up, you'll become repulsed by who we really are. Shit sucks.

It's not that we're not looking for someone who will fall in love with us. But that's just it... we want someone who can actually fall in love with who we are, not someone who just wants to be in a relationship (ANY relationship) and is more interested in us for their own validation than what we bring to a partnership. That takes time to discover, and the beginning of that process should be low-pressure, no obligations, funtimes. And I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about just hanging out and seeing if you can actually stand being around that person.


Be nice. Be genuine. Be interested without being needy. Understand that if something doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. Good luck.

[che]

Realtalk, your current attitude toward dating puts a lot of pressure on the lady you're taking out and you should chill.

Example. Over the top, but still useful. About a year ago, I met this woman at a bar and she started telling me about her son. It was a bar I frequented for open mic, and a few weeks later, she was back with her kid. I met him, he was shy as ****, whatever. His mom tells me later that her son thinks I'm "hot." Also, she starts telling me how he had his heart broken a while ago and has been afraid of dating and is really just looking for his true love.

Holy ****.

1. If he's the kind of guy who needs his mom to make all the moves, I'm not his type. Most girls probably aren't (this doesn't seem to be your problem, but I'M JUST SAYING).
2. I just met this mother****er, I'm not trying to be his true love. And now I'm not even trying to have a conversation because I'm weirded out.


I know it sounds a little unfair, brushing someone off like that. But first impressions mean a lot and there are a lot of creepy ****ing dudes (and moms) out there. If it seems like they're going to turn out that way, I want to cut ties and gtfo as soon as possible.

Whether or not you mean to, if you're freaking out about how you can't get a girl to like you and THIS time HAS to work OMG... it's going to come off as desperation and creepiness/he might stalk me oh god.


ALSO. You are putting the pussy on a pedestal and all that gets you is taken advantage of. The girls who will treat you well are the ones who want to be talked to like friends/human beings. Putting us (and our youknowwhats) up on that pedestal puts a bunch of pressure on us to be perfect. We worry that you're interested in an idealized version of who we are and if we **** up, you'll become repulsed by who we really are. Shit sucks.

It's not that we're not looking for someone who will fall in love with us. But that's just it... we want someone who can actually fall in love with who we are, not someone who just wants to be in a relationship (ANY relationship) and is more interested in us for their own validation than what we bring to a partnership. That takes time to discover, and the beginning of that process should be low-pressure, no obligations, funtimes. And I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about just hanging out and seeing if you can actually stand being around that person.


Be nice. Be genuine. Be interested without being needy. Understand that if something doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. Good luck.

This is 100% bullshit. Women SHOULD want to be perfect. And I don't mean bringing me a sandwich. I mean bringing me two sandwiches and laughing at all my ****ing jokes on a date, and then inviting me upstairs to **** them when it's over and saying it was the best time of your life.

[The_Dream_Recluse]

Anytime I have a chance with a girl, I always screw up any chances I had because I just get so nervous and can't conversate too well. It's like a cloud of silence just fogs up my brain and I can't think of things to say. I had a shot tonight, since I was hanging out with this girl at the annual fair, and again I think I screwed up. I mean, there were little moments I felt went well, but overall, it was pretty bad. I mean, when we parted at the end of the night, all she said was "cool" and then "bye." Damn I feel like I'm just destined to be alone forever. Now matter how much I want a girl (which is ALOT) and now matter how much I prepare, it always ends up the same. I could die right now. I'm getting near that point where I just want to give up. I'm 23 years old, for God's sake. This would be a normal problem with a 15 year old boy. I shouldn't still be having this problem at my age. Any advice anyone would like to give me?

I feel for you man. I too have this problem with women. In all honesty, i've never had a proper relationship before. I've had a few online/long distance relationships, but they've never worked out.

This might have to do with the fact that i'm overweight and most of the girls i know are skinny as f**k though

Anyway, as for advice, maybe you should try talking to a different type of girl that you usually go for. You never know, you might be surprised. Or maybe you will be lucky and a girl might end up liking you who is one that you like as well. Just hang in there man, hopefully you will find someone soon.

I wish you the best in your endeavor.

[OceanEyes28]

This is 100% bullshit. Women SHOULD want to be perfect. And I don't mean bringing me a sandwich. I mean bringing me two sandwiches and laughing at all my ****ing jokes on a date, and then inviting me upstairs to **** them when it's over and saying it was the best time of your life.

Don't troll me, butthead, I know your secrets.

[Cereal~Killer]

Thanks everybody. And yeah Recluse, I've never been in a proper relationship, either. There are two that I consider to be close, though. The first time, it was a girl I met on MySpace a few years back. When I met her, she had just moved from my city to Arizona. We stayed in touch and got close, despite the distance. When she moved back, we met up a couple times, but she had a problem sticking with just one guy, so things didn't work out.

Then the next one was a girl I saw from time to time and talked to off and on for a few years, but we never got into an official relationship, so failure there.

That second girl was the only girl I've met so far that has looked past my little problem and was happy with me anyway. Unfortunately, I lost her due to the ex. You know how that is.

[The_Dream_Recluse]

Then the next one was a girl I saw from time to time and talked to off and on for a few years, but we never got into an official relationship, so failure there.

That second girl was the only girl I've met so far that has looked past my little problem and was happy with me anyway. Unfortunately, I lost her due to the ex. You know how that is.

Unfortunately, i'm all too familiar with that scenario. There was a girl that i liked back in high school that i invited to my formal (Australian version of prom). Anyway, we had been talking practically every day via online (she lived in Brisbane) and when the formal arrived, me and a mate of mine rented an old classic car for the night and took our dates in that. I bought her a beautiful pair of gold earrings and we had a great night, conversing and whatnot amongst friends.

In the end though, my shyness cost me dearly. After the formal, i had been contemplating asking her out and when i finally summed up the courage, i found out from her friend that she had gone back to her ex. I was pretty devestated to say the least lol.

Now a days, she's single but we're not really close anymore. She's busy with nursing and every weekend she apparently has flings with men. I guess that's just the way life is.

So yeah, i feel for you man. Don't let your shyness hold you back. Try and find some confidence in yourself and you will be able to find a girl who will return the interest and intimacy that you desire.

[Furore]

One bit of advice I can give, is it pays to seem passionate about something (though not obsessed with it, you really don't want to bore a girl to death with one topic).

Generally these days I'm very apathetic - kinda stopped giving a shit about most things other then myself and my friends as most things seem unchangeable - this to most girls ain't an appealing trait. Nine times in ten at the very minimum, girls only show interest in me when I'm wiping the floor with someone while working as it's one of the few times I seem alive. Which really doesn't work for me as these days I hate being forced to use violence and feel that guilty about it, that having someone show interest in it just puts me in a dark place. Ironic job for a pacifist I suppose, but most other jobs aren't hiring large guys with a partially caved in head.

[Cereal~Killer]

Well, I talked to that girl earlier and it turns out she understands that I was nervous and said it's fine and we're still good. Not sure if she's willing to hang out anymore or just talk, but at least she's still talking to me, at the least.

[RamesesII]

Buy a puppy that always works if not borrow a kid off someone and push it around in a pram you'll have the women hanging off you in not time then just pick the right one.

EDIT:Also helps if your good looking too, not saying your not (not that I would know) good tip if a gay guy has the hots for you then your in like flinn with the women.

[Pug]

Just be yourself. My GF rejected me for 3 months before she agreed to date me (after rejecting me around 20 times... being careful not to be too pushy stalkerish) because I was being myself (which is immature and women seem to think if your immature in 1 way then your immature in all ways), but eventually she saw past the immaturity. Women take time to do that its annoying >.>

+ if your really uncomfortable, rather than ask her to a fair or something just invite her to your mates house. If your lucky shel stick to you, you can act yourself easier because youve got stimuli around you and its no longer awkward. Unless your mates smell real bad ofc. Or you could take her to do something you really enjoy so youv'e got lots to babble on about.

IMO for guys like us just relax, be yourself, and if she don't like it then its just like a guy you met on the street. He don't like it your no longer mates. She don't like it your no longer dating. We don't have the awsomeish social skillz to try to act more grown up and charming and things like that.

Once you break past the barrier of a comfortable date (or "hangout" which is my preference) once youl be fine. Just gotta man up, do it however the hell you want, and if she don't like it then thats that, move on.

And you are NEVER too old to get your first GF. I know hot women who are 28 and still Virgins. Its pritty normal. Besides some women dig men being their first no matter how old they are. Which makes me pritty suprised tbh, youd think women would do the "find another reason to think hes a creep" thing since a guy has never had a GF before. But apparantly not. Women are mysterious o_O

[Clint]

Since when is 23 old? And since when are 15 year old kids dating? An average life expectancy is 75 years. If you can't find a girl now, wait 40 years and then find one half your age. It worked for me.

[Angantyr]

Stop being emo. Get drunk, play with her and be a boss.