How Do You Deal?

[Sinister]

Hey! Lot has just happened since I've been gone and just recently(apparently). I've been reflecting on it all...pondering it all about. See, I'm pretty laidback(or have at least become laidback recently). I find it pretty ****ing hard to get involved in Drama. I just really...idk. Some people seem to really love it. I never got that. (I also get drafted to pick sides in a fight(too many times), when I really have nothing at stake, don't care and just want to take it easy.)

But here recently, I found out that a member of my family, who has been gone since before I was born and returned about eight years ago, was a...well, a pretty low criminal. He wasn't a murderer, but think about the next worse thing and that's him. He never told anyone and kept it secret. Well he had to be admitted to a Nursing Home and then...well, the story came out. It wrecked a lot of the remaining portion of my family.

In another case, there was someone on youtube that I watched. I did not know them; I only watched them recently. They were funny and very...idk spazzy. Then their videos disappeared, twitter account closed, Twitch TV account closed. And I find that the person in question was pregnant and had killed herself. I've never met her, don't even know what she looks like(more to the point I don't know she even really killed herself)

Either way, this isn't a pity-me thread. (none of this shit happened to me, I'm not bawling tears, don't care) I just want to know from you guys...how do you deal with this?

Do you ignore it?
Do you bury yourself in it?
Do you try to talk it out?
Do you pick sides?


-Sin

[Josh_R]

When bad shit like this happens to me. I get really really drunk til I don't care anymore.

[Alpha]

I don't know. Not a lot of bad stuff has ever happened to me. I've only ever lost friends to them moving overseas. Actually, my first ever and best friend moved to Australia when I was about 13, and I haven't seen him once since, and have had one Facebook conversation with him. After he moved, my new best friend moved... somewhere. I actually have no idea where he is now. 3/4 grandparents were dead before I was born. My nana died a few years ago, and I felt sad for maybe a solid week, and once or twice ever since. Those are probably the three worst things to ever happen to me. So I dunno. Get busy learning something? Take your mind of it? Why am I answering this when I have no answer?

Oh, the left-click on my mouse just broke. I'm devastated.

[Sinister]

See, this is me, actually. I haven't really had a lot of stuff like this happen to me(I say "happen to me" but lets be fair, it didn't happen to me. It happened around me.). I don't have a reaction to it, really. Everyone gets so upset and screams and yells. It's pretty surreal trying to get on with your day-to-day, when people keep shoving drama back in your face and get mad when you don't really have a reaction to it. It's like they're guilting me into feeling like I'm supposed to say something or do something when this stuff happens...but I've got nothing. *shrugs* lol

As far as the drinking thing... Hell, I've done that when good things happen to me too. So that's not a reaction from me. The only noticeable reaction I've had was posting this thread and that was out of...morbid curiosity? I guess it bothers me that I'm not...bothered?

-Sin

[noxious.sunshine]

In my experiences, I've been dealing with a drug-addicted older brother for about 16 yrs. now. He smoked pot in high school - started selling it later on with his wife when I was around 12, got me to try it. Later on, after a bad car accident (the only one he's been in that wasn't his fault) - he got hooked on painkillers. I assume his wife had already been into them or they'd already been doing the "minor" stuff like percocet and lortabs. He got rxed & hooked on Oxycontin. Then they got into smoking crack & meth - 2 or 3 babies later. They've been arrested numerous times for various things & in and out of jail - check fraud, breaking & entering/robbery, possession, blah blah blah. It's a wonder neither of them are in prison. They lost custody of their kids -finally-, after many years of effing up.

And Yes, he talked me into trying all of the above and has attempted to try and use me to get free shit ("Yeahhhhh that boi thanks you cute. Go flirt with him, see what you can get"). It makes me sick thinking about it.

I mostly blame the wife. My parents & I have tried to be there for my brother - especially me. Maybe not always financially (though I did give him a car), but anytime he's needed family, I've been there.

It's been probably 2 years since I've spoken to my brother and 3 since I've seen him. I started feeling bad for him about 1.5 yrs or so ago and would text with him & talk to him, but it just got to a point where I realized he was only talking to me to see what he could get out of me - even though I had nothing to give & my own problems to worry about.

The last time I spoke to him, I was pretty tipsy, and kind of went off on him. I told him about himself and what kind of person his wife had turned him into and that as long as he continues to go down this road, he's not my big brother that I used to be "close" to. He's stolen not only from my parents, but from me as well. (He's always been jealous of me though 'cuz I'm the baby, in spite of the 10 yr difference). My dad's jaw dropped over what I had said and told my sister to shut up when I accidentally woke her up.

So, I have said my peace (or is it piece?) to him, he knows what he's doing, and it's up to him to fix himself now. I'm not going to worry myself over him anymore or be there for him unless I see that he's truly genuinely trying to help himself and get his kids back and build a stable life for them all... And go back to being the Big Brother that I used to love so much. I'm totally probably lying. If he were in another major accident, I'd most likely be the 1st one there - like always. But whatever.

Same with my parents. I'm the only one that worries about my dad, and I tried to go move in and help them, but my dad - in spite of the few good times we had while I was there - was pretty much a **** to me. Like the things he said were terrible and I just couldn't deal anymore. I was going downhill really wquickly out there and had to get myself out of the situation. Again, I'm the only one of us kids that's tried to pay them back "for all the money I owe them" and I'm -definitely- the only one who would even -dream- of moving 800 miles away from home just to try and help support them.

So I just ignore it all. I have little to no family support, so I just say "fuggit" and worry about myself and what -I'm- going to do - what's best for me and my family. There's no point in getting upset about it anymore 'cuz it doesn't fix anything, so yeah.

[Heartless Angel]

I'm a cynical douche who doesn't really give a shit about anyone's life. Including my own. That usually works pretty well for me. When your mind is focused on the broader scope of the universe, shit that happens in individual lives which will only exists for around a century just kinda seem insignificant.

[Rhaps]

I swallow it all and keep it inside until my stomach feels like it's bleeding. Then I post it to some internet place or another in an attempt to release. When this doesn't work I have nervous melt downs in my shower where no one can see or hear me. If it goes beyond this I stop eating for a few days until my instincts kick back in and hunger overrides emotion and I start feeling like a person again, but that only happened once when I was like, 16, so I think I'm safe to say I'll never do that again. Usually I don't let things affect me emotionally because I suck so bad at dealing with shit. However, a few people can still get to my inner processes, and when they do it's completely beyond my control. Oh well

[che]

Learn from them, but keep your morals. Don't take advantage of people in order to gain more from your life. It won't make your life any better. Unless you are able to live with the fact that you ****ed people. And then you're a ****ing douchebag according to Che.

People can be ****ing great people, but there can be a different side to them in which they only think for themselves and to better themselves regardless of others. Life is short, if you're stealing...eh you're not really hurting anyone. It's not like murder. So that's cool, but you're still being a ****.

[Sinister]

Learn from them, but keep your morals. Don't take advantage of people in order to gain more from your life. It won't make your life any better. Unless you are able to live with the fact that you ****ed people. And then you're a ****ing douchebag according to Che.

People can be ****ing great people, but there can be a different side to them in which they only think for themselves and to better themselves regardless of others. Life is short, if you're stealing...eh you're not really hurting anyone. It's not like murder. So that's cool, but you're still being a ****.

Yeah, I see what you mean. Pretty much all the ****-ups people manage is when they're thinking only of themselves or of instant gratification. So as a selfish generation of people in love with instant gratification... We're pretty royally ****ed.

The guy I was talking about actually cost one of my family members her job by hiding his secret. Turned out the Nursing Home was within several hundred feet of a school. My family member worked there(nursing home) and got him a residence. He lied and told the director of the Nursing Home that my relative already "knew" about his crime. So she was fired and just learned her long lost "immediate family" relative was a former offender. He was just thinking of his dignity, not her job. If he could just hide it a few days more, it was worth it/or he didn't give a shit.

Pretty grotesque example of what can happen to a person.

Also just want to tell you...Che... I am...high as balls right now and just finished watching a marathon of South Park... And...Che...I actually heard Cartman's voice while reading your post.

-Sin

[Tiffany]

Wow, that sucks that your family member lost their job there. So they took your uncle's word that they knew over her? I'd try to fight that if that were me, so I suppose in that situation, that's how I'd deal.

I've had lots of bad stuff happen to me tbh I don't know exactly what I did to deal, I just did. I've had people ask me how on earth I've coped with things but at times you have the choice to either give up or just plow through the shit... and that's what I did. Not saying it was an easy ride or anything but you do what you gotta do. I've also found that the ones who claim to hate drama the most (in my life) are generally the ones who create it the most.

With those people I gradually cut them out of my life.

[Odin1199]

Best to ignore or stay out of drama. If you get caught up, you'll end up getting involved. Let people sort out their own mistakes. If they have issues, your help won't do anything, they'll be at ground zero again in no time. At other times, when you have alot at stake and it's either you or someone else and you're right, then you have to defend yourself. Mostly stay out of conflicts, unless really threatened.

[Lacquer Head]

If it doesn't directly concern me, I don't concern myself with the problem. I don't care about a person's past, but if they do have negative traits that will affect me negatively, I try to distance myself from them so that they don't get the chance, no more, no less. As for people killing themselves, if I don't know them, I don't care. The truth is, that's how it is with anyone, if you can't relate to a person, all they are is just another statistic. If I do lose someone I care about, I just try to accept it, reflect and not let it affect my life too drastically, you can't change the inevitable, all you can do is mourn and carry on.

[Pete]

You just do whatever it is that you have to do at the moment, and then you justify and make sense of everything after the fact. That's what I do when everything turns to shit. Sometimes you just have to say **** it and bail, sometimes you have to endure, and sometimes you have to make the hard decision. Sometimes you just have to sit there and take it, fight like hell or leave it up to the powers that be. It really depends on the situation and how it affects you. At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for yourself.

[Block]

You just do whatever it is that you have to do at the moment, and then you justify and make sense of everything after the fact.

by getting high

[DragonHeart]

I guess I kind of have the opposite problem in that I've had to deal with so much external drama that I simply can't muster the energy to get into it, voluntarily or otherwise, when people around me are creating it. I'll save the sob story, but I will say that I am a terrible person to go to for sympathy because of it. I'm not apathetic, exactly, I just can't understand why people can't or won't handle their own shit.

For example, even though I am the absolute last person who wants to be involved in anything, one of my coworkers has taken to using me as his confessional. It started one night with his confession that he tried to kill himself the day before and now every time that I work with him all I hear is how he's too "old" to do anything with his life (he's younger than me ffs), he's not good at anything, he's depressed, etc etc. I find working with him extremely tiresome because I'm trying to be helpful and offer what little advice I can, only for him to shoot it down with some bullshit excuse and continue moaning about how horrible he has it. First world problems to the max, man. I want to punch him in the face. Alas, I do need my job still.

I don't think that I deal with it so much as I just don't internalize it for myself. Talking to him frustrates me so I do try to keep my distance. When I can't, I say my piece and move on. I don't tend to dwell on things which I suppose has a lot to do with what can appear to be apathy. I'm not without empathy (or sympathy, for that matter), but I have a well developed sense of emotional self-preservation.