Dealing with grief.

[Block]

Let's keep it real, folks. My mother passed away last October. It's been very hard for me and I've been going through different emotions throughout this whole ordeal. I personally have been using writing as a crutch, a way to deal. I don't keep a journal / diary, but I write everyday about a page worth of whatever comes to mind. Mostly short stories and the such, but I was just curious if other people if had to deal with grief. If so, what was your crutch?

[OceanEyes28]

<3 4 Block

I'd say laughter. It's a defense/escape mechanism a lot of the time, but it also helps me a lot and keeps me from getting too mopey. And it can seem inappropriate sometimes I guess, but people who know me get it. I make jokes. I talk openly about what I've lost. When our friend Amy died, I did cry a lot, but I had friends who would sort of... laugh about it with me? haha that sounds bad. But like, okay..... she did it in such a cliche way.... I mean, it was probably just the longest thing in her closet, but she hung herself with her prom dress. So lame. One of my best friends is similar, and we had to sort of laugh about it. Really, Amy? Come on. We also remarked that she would be pleased with how great her boobs looked during her visitation. She would have gotten a kick out of that.

Also music. Writing music has helped me get through the loss of relationships, my grandmother, things of that nature.

[Block]

<3 4 Block

I'd say laughter. It's a defense/escape mechanism a lot of the time, but it also helps me a lot and keeps me from getting too mopey. And it can seem inappropriate sometimes I guess, but people who know me get it. I make jokes. I talk openly about what I've lost. When our friend Amy died, I did cry a lot, but I had friends who would sort of... laugh about it with me? haha that sounds bad. But like, okay..... she did it in such a cliche way.... I mean, it was probably just the longest thing in her closet, but she hung herself with her prom dress. So lame. One of my best friends is similar, and we had to sort of laugh about it. Really, Amy? Come on. We also remarked that she would be pleased with how great her boobs looked during her visitation. She would have gotten a kick out of that.

Also music. Writing music has helped me get through the loss of relationships, my grandmother, things of that nature.

Thanks for the sympathies, and the great advice.

[Rocky]

I've had to go through some pretty big losses last year or two (big housefire that left my family living in a hotel for 3 months, grandpa passing away, singlehandedly cockblocking myself with some awesome chick), but I found the best way to deal with it is just give myself some time to think about it, my "me" time. After that, just talking about it helps too, I just talk to friends and family about the situation until it becomes kind of a joke in a way, kinda what Oceaneyes is saying.

[Unknown Entity]

My condolences, Block. Hope you're keeping well. =(

It takes me a while to get over grief. Nothing hugely terrible has ever really happened, but when something does, it can set me back months. Most cases, I'm set back a few weeks. I don't even know or remember what I do to deal with it. I know I cry and/or rant a lot. Usually when I'm alone and curled up in bed trying to sleep lol. But crying helps sometimes. It just releases everything I have pent up, and then I can string together a sentence to how I feel without bursting into tears again.

When I lost my head of year at school, I half didn't believe it. She was nowhere near as close to me as family, but it was still huge. I didn't cry until I got home from school, and when I had no one to talk to. I just wanted to have a little time on my own to cry it out. And then the next time I cried about it was at her memorial the following February. The same happened when my mother's friend's mum passed away almost two years ago, except she didn't have a memorial separate from the funereal, so I cried during the service.

In my first year of college, at the start of the new year, I lost contact with someone who I was quite close with following an argument. That whole year was a blur, haha. But something good came from it - I met someone completely new - and I've not looked back since. I had so many good friends during that time too, who still back me up on it today. I always had someone to talk to, and talking helped big time. I'm in a better position now than when I was back then.

I keep a journal, which quite honestly... I don't like as much as I used to. I feel I use it too often, and in the wrong place. But it helps. It helps me to rant and rave as much as I like without interruptions, and get my thoughts all down in bulk.

[Pete]

I'm sorry about your mom, buddy. I lost my dad and grandma in the same week back in October, so I know exactly how you feel.

It's tough, but the way I've been dealing with everything is through just keeping myself busy and by trying not to let my schedule vary too much, or to change anything drastically. The gym's been great; just lifting and going all out with my workouts every now and then is such a good and almost cathartic feeling. My friends have also been a really big help, just being there and keeping me busy... The girlfriend has also been great with it, and letting me talk or vent if I have to.

I know it sounds dumb, but knowing how both my dad and grandma were, I just think that they'd both say something like "I'M dead, what the hell are YOU sad for?" and it makes me laugh a little bit, as well as just thinking that their individual suffering is over and that they're at peace now. My dad was all sorts of messed up for about 2 years from diabetes and amputations, and my grandma had a massive stroke the day after my dad went into cardiac arrest, rendering her essentially a vegetable. To say it was a bad week, would be an understatement.

Just hang in there, and if you wanna talk about whatever, you know how to reach me.

[Tiffany]

Sorry to hear about your Mom Block. Massive hugs!

Grief is a hard one for me to explain. I get angry when I deal with grief, which probably isn't the best way to go around things. When my guy's Dad killed himself I can't tell you how friggin' angry I was, and I find even to this day (been hard, coming up to the 1 year ani of it all) that I go through cycles where I'm okay! I mean, I'm really okay! I look back on being sad and I wonder to myself why I was so upset in the first place.

Then, I get upset. And it hits me like a sack of bricks. And then I don't understand how I was even remotely okay with everything. I mean FFS, he chumped out on us, our daughter, his life... such a gift to throw away.

Then I get to a comfortably numb spot, where I just don't think about it at all.

I dunno. I'm probably not the person you want to be looking towards as a way to deal with things. As for a crutch? I dunno. It changes. Sometimes I have a few drinks and get comfortably numb (alcoholic much? ) other days I sit and talk with my guy about how things are, and how we feel about them. Sometimes I'll rant away in my private journal, all the stuff that I know isn't really PC to be talking about publically.

[Block]

Thanks a ton for all the advice and concern! You guys are awesome.

[GypsyElder]

Hmm this is a tough one for me, I'm not so sure if I have an actual method of dealing with extreme grief. I've only had one real case and that would be my mom as well. I just take time for myself an think, but that's how I deal with most things.

Talking about situations like these actually don't help me much, it just makes me feel the urge to break down more. I need the time for myself to come to terms with it on my own and for reasons I've established for myself;otherwise, all the little things will continue to eat at me. This might be the case for me because I've never really had anyone to vent to, plus I don't feel comfortable doing so. I guess I've just learned to teach myself this.

Also, Crying. It's the best release. Truth.

[Leon]

My condolences to your losses, everyone. I've lost quite a few people over the last decade. I really won't go into details, but to me the only way to deal with grief is to cry. My crutch? My mother. She ALWAYS know what to say, even if it's something I don't want to hear because even then I know she's right. No matter what amount of grief I had to go through, I've been able to move on.