Co-workers.

[Halie]

So, I've been having some problems with people I work with recently, two women in particular. They're both fully grown, adult women and they're both bullying me a bit. They pick at everything I do, they make fun of how I look, they mess me around, they whisper about me and then laugh (I know they're talking about me because they're staring right at me whilst they're doing it, as if that aint obvious enough).

I work part-time so I only see them once or twice a week, but it's still pretty draining and it is getting me down a little bit. The only things stopping me from quitting is that 1. I need the money, and 2. They've probably peaked in life, they won't go any further whereas I'm saving my money so I can go to uni (as crippling as the £9000 per year will be). So I guess it's quite sad that they feel the need to pick on a teenage girl, but I still don't really know how to deal with it. I work with my brother, and they only do it when he's not around so he can't see what's happening but I think I'll still talk to him about it. I just don't wanna seem like a wimp to them though. Whenever they're dicks to me I normally just shrug it off and walk away, but it has brought me to tears a couple of times when I've gotten home.

So yeah, do you guys have any advice? Do you have any bad experience stories with co-workers, whether it be from bullying or just plain annoying or whatever? How do you deal with them?

[seanb]

That sounds pretty crappy. They must have sad lives and nothing better to do. But don't let it bring ya down, chances are that theyre insecure and jealous because theyre stuck in a mundane job and going nowhere and get comfort from looking down on someone who is young and full of oppurtunity,... i dunno

But if it where me I wouldnt let them dominate me, and tell myself that I'm more important than them, and if i caught any looks or remarks being said I would walk over and confront them with confidence, which would more than likely put them in an awkward position.

[smurphy]

As someone who is a final year Commerce student(please dont hold it against me) who happens to be specialising in Human Resource Management I can at least inform you of your rights. I am not familiar with british labour law but I am with european and Irish labour law which are intrinsically similar. You should definitely inform your employer or manager about the problem. If they disregard your concerns, that would mean that they can be held vicariously liable for the behaviour of your coworkers, meaning it would be in their best interests to to stop the harassment, for were it to continue you would be due recompense.

I know you dont want to appear weak by going to a superior but that is offset by the potential embarassment and shame which could be felt by your vile coworkers if they were to be called up on their harassment.

[Dranzer]

First, I'd like to say I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Even grown adults don't know how to go to work just to do what they went there to do: work. Second, it doesn't make you a wimp for informing your supervisor of their behavior. Not only is it harassment, it can lead to defamation of character, sexual harassment, slander, etc. It also leads to a hostile work environment, which no one needs unless you're playing some sort of sport where you get to get physical with someone (or a dirty politician). My advice to you is to report this behavior to your supervisor, not only verbally but in writing - I'm in healthcare and documentation gets shoved down my throat everyday so I can't stress its importance in such a situation. If you feel comfortable enough to confront your co-workers about their behavior and ask them kindly to knock it off, try that first. However, if you don't, do the first thing I mentioned and have your supervisor deal with it, they get paid extra for that sort of BS anyway (I also have angst against administration right now so I had to throw in my little jab).

As for personal experiences, honey I've been through a shitload of scenarios similar to this. They weren't about the same thing, but still harassment and often petty crap that only plucked at my nerves. I'm currently going through a situation with a co-worker who's attempting to dig certain information about me from other fellow co-workers - it's to a point where discrimination is involved, which pisses me off to no end because the near four years I've been working there I've never had that kind of an issue before. Ever. Normally I tell the person (or persons) to cut the BS, grow up and do their job. This situation however will be taken up with my DON, but I don't do the whole "he said, she said" crap. I'm taking everyone involved up to that office with me to hash it out then and there. Now, I know you only work part time and perhaps your job isn't as important to you as mine is to me (I'm dealing with my career) - don't take that the wrong way, I merely mean that it seems you're just saving up money to put yourself through college then you'll be doing something else; correct me if I'm wrong.

Bottom line, don't tolerate that behavior anymore. Try not to let it get to you, and know that you don't deserve to work in an environment where your grown co-workers still act like they're in high school; your supervisor needs to tell them to shape up or ship out.

[Halie]

Well I think I'll talk to my brother about it first because I work with him, get his opinion on the matter. If it does escalate and become worse then I'll try talking to my manager, but I'd feel like a tattle-tale. I'd have more guts to actually go up to them myself and ask them what their problem is, but right now I'm sort of taking the highroad I suppose.

@Dranzer: It's a bit odd that somebody is trying to dig up information on you lol. I'd be concerned about that as well.

[Dranzer]

Well, it's a bit more involved than that, I was trying to be as vague as possible while still stressing the severity of the situation. In all honesty the person in question is trying to deflect some much deserved negative attention from herself and pin something on me. The reality is she really has no business having a nursing license and everyone is fed up with her. I'm not really worried about any of the lies she's been attempting to spread because no one believes her. What concerns me is the effect her BS could have on the reputation I have set with my patients, which is very good (I say it with confidence, not arrogance) and I'm not about to allow someone to screw that up; I've worked hard for it.

And the highroad is always the best route to travel, it eventually leads to people having much more respect for you on a professional level. Trust me, I know it's not easy - I'm personally not above spitting or hair pulling, but you know I need my paycheck. XD

[Tallulah]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. These women have no right to pick on you for any reason at all, let alone the fact that you are younger than them and are 'only' part time. They sound like a jealous pair of nobodies. The main thing is, as hard as it is (I know as I was bullied at school, a lot), don't let them get to you. Remind yourself, as you said, they've peaked and are on the way out.

Have a word with your manager, explain what is happening, and let him/her know that it is affecting you in and outside of work. Keep a log of any incidents and times you feel you are being victimised by these women, and bring these to your manager's attention. Hopefully your situation at work will improve. If not, then go over your manager's head and request a meeting with his/her boss.

I feel fortunate in that I get on with practically everyone at my work, and it is the colleagues that make the job. It's a shame these jealous b*tches with nothing better to do are making your life so difficult. Good luck, and I hope this gets resolved soon.

[Josh_R]

When I worked at McDonald's I would often see older crew members messing with the younger crew. Being rude, saying shit behind their back, and so forth. Often times it is jealousy they see that you have actual ambitions, and they get mad. Cause they are never going to leave that place, its the best it is gonna for them.

I worked a brief stent at Taco Bell, and there where a few people that treated me like shit. I was in High School I had already enlisted in the USMC I naturally assumed they were jealous. Cause I had actual goals in life, and they were gonna be there forever.

[Unknown Entity]

Where I work, if you have a problem with a member of staff, you're advised to speak with the manager about it and/or given a number to call where you can express how you feel confidentially. If it's not resolved, you can go higher to Head Office, and the person(s) in question can be investigated and given a written warning/documented discussion.

We're such a tight group of people where I work anyway. On the few occasions when we've believed someone's had a problem with us, we usually just ask them up front when we're alone - infront of everyone, it's not very professional. If you're confident enough, just ask one of them if they have a problem with you - perhaps one of them on their own, and not in an upset or angry tone. Keep it calm, as though you're just simply asking someone a question. Depending on their reaction from that, you'll know what to do next (i.e. manager time, HR time, quit time).

Maybe talk to your brother first, and see if he understands what you're going through. If he works with them, he might know them a little better. It may or may not resolve things though, if he gets involved. It'll be nice to have someone with your back though, and that might make you feel a little more confident.

I hope it's resolved soon. Bullying isn't nice, but the faster you act, the better. Don't let it drain you either - you're a lovely, smart, intelligent girl and that makes you heaps better than them.

Hell, tell me where you work, and I'll come down and be a right problem customer for them. ><

[Chez Daja]

Speak to your brother and your manager. It isn't often encouraged in staff to confront the situation without somebody higher up being aware.
I used to work in a small office with three guys, never had a problem with them. We had problems with women in the office an hour away because they were useless, but that's about it.
Where I work now, we're a bigger team and we have to support each other because of the nature of the work we do (support working, assessing, etc). I know there are some rivalrys' going on between certain staff members but I don't usually create or influence any drama.

[GypsyElder]

What Chez said. Also,

I work in the Human Resources Department at my job, and the last thing you want is for this it escalate and cause a problem in the wok place. You'll be the one at fault if you don't speak up. I would suggest keeping it low key and telling your manager or the Human Resources generalist if you have one. I don't even think you should let your brother know if you think he'll start a commotion.

You need to make it a point that they're causing you discomfort at wok. Talk to whoever you're reporting to privately in their office that way you have time to explain the whole situation.

Those ladies are f*cking ridiculous. If all fails, put whoopee cushions on their seats.

[Halie]

Well, I told my brother about it all and he had a word with one of them. Not in an aggressive way or anything, he just calmly spoke to her and told her I was his sister. To be honest it's pretty much alright now, or at least better than before. I know the two women still don't like me for some reason, but neither of them are actually bothering me anymore. I've had three shifts since he spoke to her and they've been much better. Just sort of an awkward tension lol.

Thank you all for your advice, I'm so glad I didn't have to take it up with management though.

[Rowan]

This is all good advice, but theres something you should definitley do before you see your boss. CONFRONT THEM. I'm not sure where you are on the self-confidence level, but heres your chance to really learn something about yourself and deal with this issue on your own terms. A great opportunity for character growth and development and a chance to level up your self-confidence. Confront these girls in a calm manner and ask whats so funny or if theres a problem. They sound like prissy teenagers , am I correct? I mean, if they were fat and ugly, why would you care what they are saying? They're probably not use to being confronted. This is an easy battle for you that will be incredbly rewarding. Go upto them and ask them if they have a problem or whats so funny? Stand tall and strong and make them realise that theyre little obvious giggles and stares will not go unoticed and will result in consquences and confrontations.

Trust me.

give it a shot.

[chikala95]

It's good they have stopped. This is similar to what happened to me in school. My brother had a word with the boy, almost scared him to death, then he stopped. But then the girl's started talking about me and insulting me etc.

I never confronted them, nor did I ignore them. I just calmly showed them that I didn't care. If you show no interest in them they should get bored and just move on.

If it ever happens again, just laugh in front of them. Show that you aren't bothered by the fact they bully you and tell them they must really like you since they talk about you so much! they're jealous of the fact you are much more mature than them and can do your job better than them!

Try and raise yourself up to put them down. it works for me.

If you don't have the courage to confront them, then just do more of the things they hate. Style your hair differently or wear different clothing. If they start talking about you just give them a smile to show you can hear them but don't care. See it more of an honor that they are spending their valuable time thinking about you

[Rowan]

I never confronted them, nor did I ignore them. I just calmly showed them that I didn't care. If you show no interest in them they should get bored and just move on.

This isn't the case most of the time. By not standing up for yourself, you are showing signs of weakness and validate their behaviour. This is the kind of process that tends to lead to more bullying in future. Please follow my previous advice.

[chikala95]

By not standing up for yourself, you are showing signs of weakness and validate their behaviour. This is the kind of process that tends to lead to more bullying in future.

I never said to not stand up for yourself. It's the difference between crying and showing them weakness to standing tall and moving forward. Even if you report them they see it as grabbing the attention they desire thus creating more problems in the future. If you ignore them and carry on with your life and be PROUD of your life, the bullying will seem like nothing. When a fire is ignored, it goes out, right? It's the same idea here.

[Sinister]

It's been a while, but anytime you're at a job where there is little or no advancement for your co-workers, there's a mentality that springs up. You see a lot of people with sullen little souls pounding out their 9 to 5 with little or no hope of seeing anything but their dredging work. When they see someone with ambition in their eyes or plans ahead of them, they instantly lash out in some sort of twisted revenge fantasy.

This can be taken in several ways. I'm not particularly fond of people, but I still adopt a little pity for people in their position. Honestly hating them or retaliating on them is simple reinforcement for their activity to continue or worsen and it shows them that you are indeed a perfect target.

If it does start causing you psychological or emotional harm, then to be perfectly candid you need to have a supercilious and patronizing attitude to them, as if you are suffering them and not the reverse. Give them the impression that you are putting up with them simply long enough to do your job. Once your communication with them is done, do not notice them or their laughing or such. This will provide them with little reinforcement and is a dominant attitude.

I'm sorry. People are not easy to deal with at all in some situations.

-Sin