Unknown Entity's Poems

[Chez Daja]

The problem I sense here is that you try too hard to rhyme things and it results in what could only be described as ... near-terrible writing. I see creativity here that has been stumped by the need of wanting to create rhymes that roll off the tongue. You focus on your first line and make the next one up as you go along, or at least, that's the vibe I'm getting off of these poems.

Poems don't necessarily have to rhyme all of the time.

The rushing is seen in more places than one, but here's an example...

Even from the first day we met,
I hoped i'd never forget,
Your charming ways,
And hoped we would last more than just days.

Although I'm not keen on your choice of wording anyway, the first two lines are too short to match with the last two.

The Hollywood Sign is probably the one I'd favour most out of all of these... I think with a little work and a little thought of how to better your usage of words, you could improve a Hell of a lot. I tire of reading these teenaged angst love poems because they're so very over-used. If that's your thing, then fair enough, but I really think you need to reconsider some of the wording in these. I definately don't think you're beyond help, so forgive me if that's how this message is coming across. I just think it'd be cool if you sat back and read them over a few times. You might see my point, you might not.

That's my opinion, take it or leave it.

[ChloChloAriadne]

The problem I sense here is that you try too hard to rhyme things.

Actually, that's the first thing I thought ><.

I don't actually think the subject matter/content and length are all that bad in any way.. But yeah, as Chez said it basically feels like you're struggling to find words that rhyme a bit, and to me it just made the whole thing read kind of.. Awkwardly. The rythm in them just didn't seem quite right or something..

If the poem doesn't want to rhyme when you're writing it, don't make it. It'll improve it alot.