The Prince of the Night Versus XIII

[Alisbet]

Hello, this is the beginning of my epic story that is basically my version of the game Final Fantasy Versus XIII. Here is something that you need to keep in mind while reading my story. First off, this story has no relations to the game itself, and it has been stripped of all Final Fantasy elements with the exception of few subtle references. Secondly, this story primarily takes place in our own earth with the world of Final Fantasy XIII being mentioned a few times and is depicted as an off-world colony. But anyway, without further ado, may i present to you: a story of love and deceit, of choosing your own path.
The Prince of the Night Versus XIII

[Alisbet]

Prologue

Where are we going with our lives,
What is our purpose in this vast world,
I have always been the finest warrior in my country,
until that fateful day 2 years ago,
mysterious beings known as fal'Cie invaded our peaceful country,
and killed my parents,
with their sights on conquering the whole planet,
leaving my wife Stella behind,
and discarding my old name behind,
I, prince Noctis Lucis Caelum,
shall have my revenge,
on all thirteen of them.

Here is my prologue to this wonderful story. Don't forget to comment, for they keep this story going on tracks. I try to update daily, and if not, then at least once a week.

[Alisbet]

Well, I think that it is the time for the first chapter of this story, enjoy.

Chapter 1

It was a nice day in London. A man dressed in a fine suit sat alone in his office, watching the news on television. Suddenly he heard a knock on door. "Come in" the man commanded. The door opened and another man much younger than the first man stepped into the room. "Hello, master Faraday, I trust that you are alright" the younger man said in an exhausted voice. "Same as ever, Roger, do you perhaps want some cognac or something, i can serve you your favorite if you like" the man referred to as master Faraday said while searching his bottle cabinet.
"No thank you, I just wanted to come here to discuss about the inheritance of my estate" the other man referred to as Roger said. Master Faraday was slightly baffled by the response. He however regained his composure. "Very well, I shall agree to your request, so sad that your parents had to die so suddenly".
"I know how it feels like, they promised to leave their estate to me when I am ready to do so, they however died during the invasion by the fal'Cie, and I have committed myself to track them down and destroy all thirteen of them".
" Roger Fawcett, I cannot believe this, how can you be so selfish, We don't know where they are right, and I fear that they may come again". " I know that it feels impossible, but I have already promised Stella that I would do everything that is possible to make her happy, when i was young, my parents used to tell me stories, play with me and things like that, and now, that is nothing but a distant memory now that they are gone and i have to fill that gap no matter what the cost and I, prince Noctis Lucis Caelum, shall have my revenge on those that took them away from me...".

Well, here was my first chapter, I have to say that this story is going to be great. And yes, in this story, the real name of prince Noctis is Roger Fawcett for your information. Do not forget to comment on this story, for they keep this story going. No comments, and I will be forced to discontinue this story altogether, you have been warned.
Until next time, bye.

[Alisbet]

Alright, I really want some comments on this story as we speak. I give you 5 days to post some comments. If by any chance you fail to comment, then i have no choice but to discontinue this story. You have been warned.

[Alisbet]

Hello again, I hope that you are becoming interested at this story. Do you know what would be nice, it is that you too can contribute to this story in a way. Simply post your ideas to me via e-mail and I will add them story, if they have any relevance to the story that is. Anyway, here is chapter 2. Enjoy!

Chapter 2

Far away from London, out in the sea was what appeared to be a yacht, a really nice one to be certain. But if you were to look inside, you would find a lot's of hight technology in there. In the middle of all this technology, a man that appeared to be in his mid forties sat in his high-rise chair somewhat resembling a throne. He watched one of the computer monitors where a strange looking being can ben seen in shadows. "Tell me again, just how did you exactly were unable to obtain the Relic, I am rather disappointed in you, Raq, If you continue to disappoint me, our contact will be broken" this man shouted with anger.

"We have been unable to locate the Source, I am sorry that we have disappointed you, but you are required to be patient, you cannot simply expect us to do everything for you" a faint voice whispered, apparently from the being on the screen. The man took a sip out from his wine glass. He then rose out of his chair and looked at the table near the entrance, in it was picture of a young girl about the age of 10 with a smile in her face. The man smiled a bit and then went outside.

Well, here is another chapter for you, as you might notice, i have tried to simplify the way this story is told, and make it a little easier to read. Remember to post your suggestions by e-mail, and of course, ant kind of comments are appreciated, and i hope that you don't mind if this chapter is short, I will try to make the following chapters longer, i promise.

[Alisbet]

Due to a writer's block, this story cannot continue, by my hand anyway. All hope to see this story to completion is not lost though as somebody else can continue this story in my place. If there are any volunteers to continue this story, just send me a message, and I will tell that user the rules to this story in return.

[Victoria]

I doubt anyone will want to write it for you. Given that someone tried to give you the feedback you wanted so badly, only to be reported as a "Bothersome message."

...And to even remove a moderator's comment as well, does not bode well for you.

Actions speak louder than words, and it seems to me that you are not a very nice person, and you do not take feedback very well.

So it begs the question, why bother writing in the first place when you do not want to improve, or want to hear people's feedback?

By all means, we are not the rude people here. We're just trying to help you with your story. But if you do not want that help, your loss.

And since you cannot continue the story, I'll just close this thread, then.

I also took the liberty to undelete the post you deleted, just so people can see how you really are. Unnecessary move? Perhaps. But it is one I felt that needed to be made.

Edit: Reading through your posts... in your first chapter, in the end you mention the same thing. 'Comment or the story will stop. You've been warned.'
...That is not a very good thing to tell readers. You don't need comments to continue writing a story. The tone comes off as extremely arrogant as well.

And with that kind of tone, it turns people off of wanting to read your story. Especially if you say your own story is great when it turns out to be not that good to begin with. (It really needs some structure work.)

I apologize if I sound harsh, but I take writing very seriously and always look forward to people improving their craft. It makes me feel really bad when I see people who come off as arrogant and close-minded to other criticism.