Ok I'm going to be fairly honest, I could only force myself to read up to the second part. This was due mainly to your writing style and complete lack of pacing, story and character wise there's not really anything perticualy bad about it. The main problem is that the whole thing has a tendancy to meld into one confusing rush of words and I had to re-read bits of it multiple times before working out exactly what you were trying to portray, for example in the part 1 while they're in the bar it's very difficult to know which person is speaking at any given time because you aren't following the usual rules of speech where you start a new paragraph when a new person is speaking. Also your story lacks any kind of pacing with new events being hurled at the reader in fairly rapid succesion with no chance to build up atmosphere, for example look at this piece from part 2:
“Hah! Redgola, kill them!” Salka laughed. “Salka, get ready to die!” Salka turned around the see a woman with ear’s with her hand on a wound. “YOU?! YOU’RE SUPPOSE TO BE-”
As it is it just kinda fires straight into it barely leaving the reader time to rationalise what was going on. It's fairly obvious that you were trying to make this a sudden event, but literecy sudden isn't the same as reality sudden. Something like this should really be drawn out a little more, for example:
“Hah! Redgola, kill them!” Salka laughed, a manic grin spread over her all too innocent features. The laugh froze suddenly, turned to ice on the night time breeze, as a voice she thought silenced rang out over the treetops “Salka!" It screamed "Get ready to die!”-- and so on and so forth, you get the point.
Ending on a lighter note I have to say I liked the little bits of information at the begining of some of the parts, It really showed that you'd put some thought into the world and how it works
EDIT: Oh yeah I forgot to mention this but you might want to disable your signature in the darkness thread, it'll make the whole thing much more streamlined for readers. And if you think i've been to harsh with my critisism feel free to rant at the stuff I've done in the literature zone
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