Loving Anyone A Lot Makes You Hate Everyone A Little

**Pete** · 08-15-2016, 01:38 PM

I think that's more of a love vs lust or trust vs infatuation.

Before a relationship is even a real thing, there's that whole courting phase where everything is fresh and new, and you still don't really know each other. The highs are that much higher and the lows are even worse. You don't really know their circle of friends and even though you're not anything official, you hope that they're not seeing anyone else.

I think it's more that once you get over the hump and get into a steady relationship, things come easier and you're less likely to be frustrated and bothered by things. Obviously there are red flags and things that are bad news, but not every relationship is like that.

I've experienced enough to have gone through all sorts of phases in relationships. I've noticed that the courting phases were always the most intensely felt. I think it has to do with the idea of the promise of something new and the idea of maybe this will be the one. Anything taking away from that is seen as a threat and treated as such until proven otherwise.

I don't know as much about experiencing profound jealousy while in a relationship. I had one girlfriend get caught with a hickey on her neck, which wasn't from me. I didn't feel jealous, I felt betrayed and pissed. I was more mad that she would flaunt her grimy new boyfriends around me, but I think that's a normal reaction.

I had another girlfriend where I was actually the other guy. I didn't realize that until after the fact. She wound up having a long distance boyfriend before me, and we kind of overlapped for a while. After a while, it was brought to my attention that she had an online dating profile. I wasn't mad, but I started to distance myself and play Skyrim like a fiend. We drifted for a month or two, stopped calling and texting and both kind of just ended it. She tried to make me jealous afterwards but it just annoyed me.

I think that if you have such strong feelings for someone but are that prone to jealousy, it's a problem with trust. After you develop trust over time, the jealousy fades

**Anastar** · 10-20-2016, 07:58 PM

Originally Posted by Pete

I think that if you have such strong feelings for someone but are that prone to jealousy, it's a problem with trust. After you develop trust over time, the jealousy fades

I would agree with you there, Pete. If the love is real, then trust comes along with it. Jealousy comes with infatuation, trust comes with love.

However, there is an "in between phase" - I'll call it that for lack of anything better to call it. Right now, I'm involved with a man but I simply don't know him well enough personally to know for sure whether or not he can be trusted. We've talked a lot on the phone and online, but we've only met a few times. I have every reason to trust him, but... how can I know for sure that it's real? It takes time and honesty and communication. But I think love will come when I no longer have any doubts.