Bacon is disgusting. It makes me thirsty and it tastes like a pig's ass. I'm mostly saying this because I got food poisoning from bacon one time, and ever since then, I haven't been able to eat it. Because it's absolutely disgusting and has the texture of vomit after it's vomited.

I hate being poisoned, and those cookies look like they'd be able to poison me. I'd rather eat another man's **** than eat that.