Honestly though, who really wants Croatia? The great armies of Communism have conquered the weak and pathetic states of Ukraine, Belarus and Poland. Ukrainians shall be starved, Poles shall be massacred and dumped into mass graves for no adequately explained reason and Belorussians will be made honourary low grade cadres. I also claim the Baltic circle - Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Finland and the St. Petersburg area. St. Petersburg shall be renamed "Jintatsugrad" and Warsaw shall be renamed "Capital of Worthless Peoples." I also call the Crimea and the Volga. My leading officials need vacations.

Vladimir Putin will be appointed a seat on the Politburo and the Sovnarkom as Commissar of Internal Affairs as well as head of the VeCheka.

Chekists: the Sovnarkom has decreed that our enemies are right at our doorsteps. It is therefore your duty to summarily execute anyone suspected of being an agent of the forces of imperialism, be they saboteurs, speculators or political riff-raff. Those who execute less than a dozen enemy agents each month will be disciplined severely and denied vodka. those exceeding their targets will be rewarded. Long live the revolution!

Attention citizens of Greater Russia: The Kisuke administration has sex with livestock on a daily basis. Any time you have lost a pig or a cow, or found your goat dead when it was perfectly healthy the day before, it is due to the sexual violation committed by the Kisuke administration and its agents. My dog was raped by Kisuke himself. He WILL be avenged!