Mystery ahoy! Evil Bad Gumshoes on the scene!

[SOLDIER #819]

Note: Not a secret mission, but if you don't participate I will be very sad.

It is time we put our vast resources toward the pursuit of true knowledge. It will prove useful in our upcoming battles with our enemies. For with knowledge comes power, and power is pretty awesome. Therefore, everyone: go and seek out TFF's greatest mysteries so that we may sever the yarns of fallacy and unravel their truths!

Without further ado... Our first case. And a most pressing one at that.

http://thefinalfantasy.net/forums/so...ml#post1325575 <-- Click

Forget for a moment that Ally more or less admitted to eating this nude. WHAT is it? It being the thing that is not the potatoes. It looks so delicious, but as for its identity I can only come up with a weird combination of delicious things. So far my best guess is tuna sashimi squished together with a big melty marshmallow and cheese on an english muffin dowsed in a thick garlic butter sauce.

Whoever solves this mystery will get an exclusive EBGievement. (For the less cultured, it's sort of like a trophy or... achievement. But not really.) Do not ask Ally. Do not listen to her. For the purposes of this case consider her prone to tell lies and play tricks to keep us from the succulent morsel of truth buried beneath the grit and dirt.

Get it? Grit? Potatoes? Ha ha ha.

[Dodie16]

*puts on thinking cap*

Why, my dear S, I do believe that dish consists of eggs benedict. However, most dishes of that nature are made with a slice of ham, a poached egg, on top of an english muffin covered with hollandaise sauce. I can see the egg and muffin are there, but the other ingredients to this particular dish have yet to be identified...

[Taco-Calamitous]

Looks like a damn omelet on biscuit bread to me. With hashbrowns, and oranges. Or something. I definitely see cheese in there, anyway. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Yoko]

It looks like a damn good breakfast and is making me hungry.

[SOLDIER #819]

Looks like eggs benedict with salmon (possibly smoked?) to me. =P

Are you saying that it could be raw and not smoked? Like... say... Sashimi?! With all those delicious parasites and worms still writhing about?

It looks like a damn good breakfast and is making me hungry.

I think you're on to something here. You may just crack this case yet!

*puts on thinking cap*

Why, my dear S, I do believe that dish consists of eggs benedict. However, most dishes of that nature are made with a slice of ham, a poached egg, on top of an english muffin covered with hollandaise sauce. I can see the egg and muffin are there, but the other ingredients to this particular dish have yet to be identified...

Yes indeed. We are going to have to bring about the big guns for this.

Tele, fetch our thinking pipes! NOWWWWWW.

So far I'm convinced that marshmallows have everything to do with this.

[Taco-Calamitous]

Tele, fetch our thinking pipes! NOWWWWWW.

Get them your own damned self

Meanwhile, I think R Kyra is on to something! Maybe the whole meal is made of marsh mallows! Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Yoko]

I need a thinking pipe. If only tele would supply it.

[Quistis]

Looks like eggs benedict with salmon (possibly smoked?) to me. =P

[Imposter]

Oi...I think everyone is pretty close. Definitely eggs benedict look at the Hollandaise sauce seeping out of them, the meat looks quite fishy if you ask me, and I know for reals that is an english muffin.

[SOLDIER #819]

Oi...I think everyone is pretty close. Definitely eggs benedict look at the Hollandaise sauce seeping out of them, the meat looks quite fishy if you ask me, and I know for reals that is an english muffin.

Close is not good enough. Someone needs to wrap this case up with a bang. I don't care how.

[Yoko]

Marshmallows?! Marshmallow egges?

[Dodie16]

"A true gentlemen never leaves any puzzle unsolved!" I'll get to the bottom of this mystery if it's the last thing I do.....before bed.

So what we've gathered so far: It is definitely an eggs benedict type of dish. The question is, what sort of variation? Many seem to think that the meat is some kind of fish, salmon to be exact. According to my sources (i.e. Google), eggs benedict using that particular fish is called Eggs Atlantic or Eggs Hemingway and even as Eggs Royale, which substitutes salmon for the ham.

As for the "marshmallow", methinks it could just be the light and fluffy sauce trying to throw us off the track of it's true form.

[Taco-Calamitous]

I don't think those are actually eggs. They are actually imitation soy eggs, and those hash browns are actually death browns. And that's not salmon, it's piranha. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[SOLDIER #819]

... and those hash browns are actually death browns.

It is unlikely they have yet discovered our methods to cultivate death browns. I am more inclined to believe that is not even a brown, but hash. Hash cooked in potatoes.

Since you all seem to think it is some sort of salmon (come on guys, really?!), we must find a way to verify this claim. Thankfully, I have provided an inductive proof that will make short work of this mystery.

Ally is clearly on a vacation, as most people do not live in hotels --> She was walking around nude --> Most countries have neither the weather nor laws to facilitate Ally's nude prancing --> This leaves places with warmer climates, such as Australia, known for its nude beaches, so no waiter would be shocked to see her nude and gladly accept the view and tip with no qualms --> Australia is also known for COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF HASH (1/3rd of all citizens aged 14 or over have tried it), WHICH CAN BE ADDED TO POTATOES --> Eggs Atlantic/Hemingway/Royale is a common variation on Eggs Benedict in Australia --> Ally was eating Eggs Benedict - Ham + Salmon ~~ Q.E.D.

MYSTERY SOLVED.

For providing pivotal intel that lead to this mystery's solution, Dodie and Tele have both won the EBGievement, the (pending) title of which is "Ally's Muffin". You guys can't hog it. You will have to share it.

While I was hoping to find Ally caught red-handed with something more lascivious and entertaining, I suppose salmon with its disease-ridden body full of nasty bacteria will have to do. But remember, if Ally gets salmon belly worms it's totally on you guys and not me.

But man this looks really good. http://www.flickr.com/photos/duang/4...n/photostream/

[Dodie16]

I will only take my half of "Ally's Muffin" if it's buttered. No one likes a dry muffin. Oh ho ho ho...

So, what's our next case? Got any other TFF mysteries that could use the clever and calculating minds of the EBG?

[SOLDIER #819]

So, what's our next case? Got any other TFF mysteries that could use the clever and calculating minds of the EBG?

I'm glad you asked, my dear Dodie! Our next case will take us to far away lands, some lovely and some perverse, but both exotic and never mundane. It will require us to look deep into the words of one man and through them insights into his twisted soul.

Our mystery of the moment will be... Where has Loaf disappeared to and why has he gone?

As before, the man himself will no doubt tell lies if queried directly. We must use the full extent our imaginations and logical engines to discover the truth!

I will only take my half of "Ally's Muffin" if it's buttered. No one likes a dry muffin. Oh ho ho ho...

I'm sure that can be arranged...

[Dodie16]

Case 2 of "The Missing Loaf" commences now!

Clues so far: It's apparent that Loaf has had time to say his farewells to TFF...twice. This could mean that his disappearance was not one that involved capture. That doesn't conclude that he's not on the run from something or someone though. Could the Vegas Mafia be after our dear Loafy?

[Imposter]

What if it isn't Loaf that has gone but rather everything surrounding him was sucked into a different reality (like in his nose!). So really we all have disappeared and he is left alone...the reason for this would be simple his sneezing ability distorts time so normally he holds them in but this one snuck up on him and now we are trapt in another reality without loaf.

Maybe if he does the opposite of a sneeze we will be brought back to the real real timeline.

On another note if we are really EBG we all need evil goatees...just sayin'

[SOLDIER #819]

Clues so far: It's apparent that Loaf has had time to say his farewells to TFF...twice. This could mean that his disappearance was not one that involved capture. That doesn't conclude that he's not on the run from something or someone though. Could the Vegas Mafia be after our dear Loafy?

A good point! His actions do not fit the profile of a prisoner. He is hiding... But why? We need answers! Where did he even live to begin with? West? Midwest? Mideast? East? Middle East? Zimbabwe?

What if it isn't Loaf that has gone but rather everything surrounding him was sucked into a different reality (like in his nose!). So really we all have disappeared and he is left alone...the reason for this would be simple his sneezing ability distorts time so normally he holds them in but this one snuck up on him and now we are trapt in another reality without loaf.

Maybe if he does the opposite of a sneeze we will be brought back to the real real timeline.

My God man, you may be onto something. But you must seek out material evidence. Without proof people will think it mere fantasy, no matter how plausible it may be to my ears.

Also what is the opposite of a sneeze...? He would have had to achieve this anti-sneeze once before to be brought back for the TFF awards, then sneezed again to disappear. This makes it doubtful that it was an accident. You think he would have been on guard and held his nose or something. So whatever happened, this disappearance must have been in some measure by his own design, as Dodie earlier surmised.

On another note if we are really EBG we all need evil goatees...just sayin'

Given that half or more of our active members here are women... oh man. Oh man.

I will only take my half if Dodie takes hers. I am having too damned much fun being "Prince Cinnamonboots" to change to "Ally's Muffin" if I do so alone. And I don't want you buttering my muffin, S And since it is also Dodie's muffin, that negates you from buttering hers, either. Dodie or I will be doing the buttering if need be done. I only trust myself or her with that task.

It's technically Ally's muffin. But then, I'm not sure I'm qualified to butter it in that case either. But who then!?

Blah blah blah blah mundane hearsay blah blah too simple blah blah blah. Plotting some kind of conspiracy. Don't trust that man. Anyhoo...

I agree. Something feels amiss...

[Yoko]

BUT S! Simple is what WORKS! Loaf has always been a private person. Only posting 5 words at a time. Its amazing how much thought can go into sucj a small sentence.

Maybe its LOVE!!

[Taco-Calamitous]

I will only take my half if Dodie takes hers. I am having too damned much fun being "Prince Cinnamonboots" to change to "Ally's Muffin" if I do so alone. And I don't want you buttering my muffin, S And since it is also Dodie's muffin, that negates you from buttering hers, either. Dodie or I will be doing the buttering if need be done. I only trust myself or her with that task.

My theory is that Loaf hasn't gone anywhere and that he's being a troll. The evidence is that he has freely "left" and "comeback," and then "left" again. He's simply in hiding somewhere. Plotting some kind of conspiracy. Don't trust that man. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Quistis]

*hugs her Princess Sugarsprinkles title*
I love the title so much that I refuse to participate in the next game!

And goatee for women?...no comment.

[Imposter]

Well if you can't grow one use this...back to the matter at hand though perhaps he is trying to send us back to a timeline/universe to fix some mistake in his past. Maybe like Kyra said it has to do with love...maybe he sent use to a universe where his love didn't get in some evil accident or maybe it is far worse...and he wants us to prevent her from giving to chairity!

[Yoko]

There's an Imposter in out midst!

[Quistis]

perhaps he is trying to send us back to a timeline/universe to fix some mistakein his past.

You know..I somehow read MISTAKE as MILKSHAKE.

So I guess that's my theory. He went to fix some milkshakes.

[SOLDIER #819]

You know..I somehow read MISTAKE as MILKSHAKE.

So I guess that's my theory. He went to fix some milkshakes.

Quistis, you may be onto something. A cursory search of Loaf's drinking habits has led me to a shocking discovery.

I love beer, Bud, Miller whatever.

But my favorite that I just found out about.

Irish Carbombs. It's like drinking a milkshake.

Car Bombs are the best. Like drinking a milkshake. Just down it quick!

It would seem Loaf has deep-seated need for the drinking milkshakes, no matter how volatile they may be. Further investigation reveals...

My friend made a peanut butter and rolo sandwich....shit was bomb but I aint telling you all how to make it...there is a certain way to make it right.

My recent meal was a Del Classic Chicken Burrito and a Deluxe Chili Cheddar Fries from Del Taco, if you like Chicken Soft Tacos then that Burrito is like a big chicken soft taco. Also those fries are bomb.

Loaf shows a pattern of unhealthy obsession that mixes foodstuffs and explosives. Given his so-called expertise with detonating delicacies, Atma's theory of time-space leaping becomes more plausible. Only, he did not sneeze his way off this existential plane... he blew himself out of it.

However, knowing how gifted he is in the art of culinary chemistry, I find it hard to believe that this was a mere accident. Not only that, it had to have happened twice. We have established the means of disappearance, but why did he do it?

[Quistis]

No way...lol! I am simply speechless by this coincidence. Sometimes the things I say out of random makes the most sense..go figure. lol

So it's sounding like it's food related so far. His name is LOAF after all.

[Taco-Calamitous]

...so this mystery solved yet, or what?

[SOLDIER #819]

No way man. There is still much left to do. I NEED PROOF DAMNIT.

Also it's somewhat on hold until I get my bearings on school and certain members coming flowing back in.

[Yoko]

The proof is in the pudding