Be Yourself?

[Taco-Calamitous]

Should you be yourself, or should you be a person that other people will think is cool? Or are you supposed to find a middle ground, being a version of yourself that you think people will like? Are you supposed to change who you are to a degree to where the cool kids will find you socially acceptable? Can you really win this game, or are there already designated "winners" and "losers," and if that is the case, does it matter what you do?

I would prefer to be myself. I know there are traits about myself that some would find awkward or weird, and the less accepting would be uncomfortable to be around me because of those traits. There are things that I like that the "cool kids" don't like, and there is behavior that I deem undesirable that the "cool kids" deem the opposite. Am I supposed to force myself to shake my undesirable traits, stop liking things that I like, and accept behaviors that I find unacceptable, so that the cool kids will accept me?

I pose these questions because I've seen people on here call their behavior "real." Behavior that I'd consider brutally honest and highly abrasive at times, and I can't get myself to act like that without either forcing it or just letting go and not caring for a while, but ultimately feeling bad afterwards. Therefore, me behaving in such a way is not "real" to me, so I frequently decide to revert back. But then there still seems to be some expectation of myself and others to exhibit that behaviour, even if it doesn't come naturally.

By no means am I saying I'm an angel. I know I can be a ****, but I feel bad about it often times, too, unless I was joking, and it's clear that everyone involved knows it.

To get back to my train of thought though, it just seems like there is an expextation at times for everyone to "be real" and act the same... when we're not all the same. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and different things that will set us off and upset us. If we were all the same, the world would be a boring place. So why put the expectation on people to act like you want them to? Why can't there be a more general acceptance of difference? And in a community of nerds, why can't we be more sympathetic to each other? To some extent, I'm sure that everyone here has experienced being bullied, looked down upon, or being socially shunned, and no one needs it on the internet too (unless, of course, their behavior is genuinely harmful to themselves or someone else.)

Of course, I know it's human nature to gloat and flaunt any shred of superiority that we might feel over others. "I may be lame, but at least I'm not as lame as him/her!" I'm guilty of it myself at times, of course. Probably a lot of the time. Keeping it in check would be a good idea though, I believe.

If you just wanna laugh and play it up to your little cliques while casting out and shunning others though, more power to you, I guess. Don't expect much sympathy, though.

...I'm going to use this buzz that the two Dead Guys I've drunken have given me to give me the courage to actually post this monstrosity. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Furore]

Should you be yourself, or should you be a person that other people will think is cool? Or are you supposed to find a middle ground, being a version of yourself that you think people will like? Are you supposed to change who you are to a degree to where the cool kids will find you socially acceptable? Can you really win this game, or are there already designated "winners" and "losers," and if that is the case, does it matter what you do?

I think this is largely dependent on the individual. Some people with a stronger sense of self seem to either act independently without a thought to it or may instead contemplate what it is they themselves actually believe outside of most external influences suggesting they should be someone else.

Others aren't as strong and perhaps feel a need to fit into a group of people that mightn't be so accepting of some differences effectively making them take on some characteristics they mightn't have otherwise.

I don't feel there are designated winners and losers because of this - for some people a win would be to remain completely unique, for others a win would be to fit in as best as possible, others may even feel a desire to hit a kind of balance within the two.

[Rocky]

Thats the beauty of the internet it seems. You can completely reinvent yourself like Madonna and you can find an indefinite amount of outlets of communities to test these different avenues out until you "find yourself". Which honestly doesnt sound too different then going through real life in those "rebellious teenage years". Since we're all on here, we are all losers, but some people will lose a lot harder than others.

I keep it real how all my close friends know me as I do on here, and I like this community because it gives me the chance to do so. Maybe its a bit easier to be more extreme in any aspect because we cant see the retaliation happen irl as we can on here, so I realize that and keep my extremes in check (like not do/say anything I wouldnt in front of someone irl).

Anywho, let the cliques keep clacking, but when you guys need love, remember that the Dalai Lama is here for you all.



PS I'm not praying in this picture I'm just kissing my pillow goodnight.

[che]

There are no "cool kids" or "nerds". This is a misconception of society. There is only truth. And reality. If you attempt to recreate yourself on the internet and try to make yourself cooler than you really are, you're in for a huge wake-up call, given the people you are around are smart enough to know that.

[rJ floW]

I read a book once (I can actually read!) and it was about the 7 different "me"s
I read it for growth purposes and it talked about the..7 "me"s

pretty much it put into words how there are 7 different perceptions of you, and its important to realize and control them.

Being a utilitarian, I think you should be able to adapt your circumstances to achieve your goal. Many claim "to be real" or "not a sellout" but to achieve most, you have to adapt and be what people want you to be. It sucks, but suck it up unless you wanna cash in checks on the first and fifteenth holla

[GypsyElder]

Should you be yourself, or should you be a person that other people will think is cool?

I would like to be both? I would like to think my normal self is "cool" enough anyway.....

bottom line, no one likes "fake" people ( not being yourself ) but if it makes someone feel better being a completely different person, on the interwebz or whatever then by all means.

There are no defined "winners" and "losers, but people decide what they think makes a "loser" and a "winner" and base themselves off of that.

probably made no sense...oh well *shrugs*

[Maridia]

People should be themselves but there's a time and place for everything. In the end true colors always come out, but you have to judge yourself honestly.

It's like football, if you're a runner you have to run the ball, you can't force the pass. You have to pass at some points, that's just life. But in the end why get a field goal when you can get a touchdown?

[Alpha]

The problem with 'being yourself' is that it automatically defines one as different from some invented 'normal'. I mean, why can't it be 'being yourself' to fulfil all the stereotypes of 'being cool' or 'normal'?

So, in pursuit of being oneself, one is consciously trying to not be something else. I susepect that no one can truly 'be themself'. There is no oneself. There is only what oneself wants to be.

Thus, we are always going to react against, emulate, or some combination of the two, in terms of the construction of identity.

Myself, honestly, I think I try and set myself apart from some things, and gravitate towards others. It's largely a conscious process (like, not dressing a certain way), and largely unconscious. 'Being myself' means dressing in tight jeans and listening to alternative rock.

But that's not innate. Nothing is innate. Arguing that it is even possible to be a complete individual is foolish.

[winterborn86]

I'm always myself, people may not like it but it's tough. I'm not going to change who I am for no one. What's the point in having a life if your not going to live it honestly, why live a lie and be someone your not? If people can't take you as you are them maybe screw em!!

[Jin]

There is only truth. And reality.

This is a misconception of society.

On to topic, there's being yourself and then there's being what will most easily get you through life, which is, of course, usually what society deems the most agreeable. The internet is interesting. Although it has been said that one can make a new personality for themselves, I'm left wondering if that is in fact a new personality, or if it's the person's true personality, made pure through relative anonymity and unhampered by societal consequences. For example, people on this forum probably have no idea how polite and non-confrontational I am in real life. It's a funny concept, right? Is that my true personality? No, I'm a bitter douche bag, no question, but I hide that from society because it makes life too difficult to get through. And oddly enough, I usually feel pretty strongly about the need for others to be polite in public as well. I hate rude people in stores or restaurants. But I don't think that's so much my personality as it is a compromise I've created to deal with society. So in some situations, I think it's perfectly acceptable not to be yourself.

I'll expand on this more later, I've got to catch a bus.

[Block]

I do not think it's possible to not be yourself. If you have made the choice to change something about yourself to be more appealing to others that in itself is who you are; someone who values the opinions of others to the point you are willing to put their thoughts ahead of your own. While hiding your true opinion on a particular subject you are still just being you.

[Tiffany]

I tried to be someone else when I was younger and it made me miserable. I am a what you see is what you get type of person now. It meshes with some people, clashes with others. C'est la vie!

[Jin]

I do not think it's possible to not be yourself. If you have made the choice to change something about yourself to be more appealing to others that in ourself is who you are; someone who values the opinions of others to the point you are willing to put their thoughts ahead of your own. While hiding your true opinion on a particular subject you are still just being you.

This is an excellent point.

Yourself is smart, sir.

[Block]

This is an excellent point.

Yourself is smart, sir.

Thank you sir.

Now to go ahead and answer the question in the way it was meant to be answered. It depends. Am I at a job interview? Am I meeting a drug dealer for the first time? Am I trying to get laid in a bar (not that I do this anymore being engaged and all)? All of those are situations in which someone might do something that doesn't really ring true to their opinion, but the situation itself calls for more consideration of pleasing the other party. I personally have been "fake" in all three of the scenarios listed above and I'm proud of it. I think that knowing the right time to slam your true opinion down on the table and when to hold your tongue to please someone else is a skill that directly reflects upon ones intelligence. However when I'm meeting a new person that is just a perspective friend I have no need to falsify my ideals to please that person and I will just stick to my guns so to speak. Their are other scenarios that apply to when I stick to my guns, but what I think is important is knowing the appropriate time to reveal your true thoughts and when to stfu and agree.

I'm off to class.

[Taco-Calamitous]

So there's a general consensus that either there isn't really a "true oneself," or that the "true oneself" is what we shape ourselves into being. So even if I'm quiet when someone is saying something that I disagree with, that is still me being my true self, because that is how I react in that situation, whereas others might just be like "****in' **** a duck!"

But what about the second half or so of my initial post? It seems to be ignored for the most part, and I am curious; does anybody see any merit in it? About being more accepting of differences in personality and opinion, especially on an internet forum where there is likely to be a strong diversity in both? Or is it one of those situations too where you have to be "fake" in order to succeed? Or would being accepting of such differences be "fake" for some people, and I should be accepting of their unnaccepting nature?

...kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya...

My head isn't clear enough to better explain this right now, but maybe once people respond, I'll have a better grasp of how to explain it. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Furore]

That accepting or not accepting differences thing is part of what makes a person unique. For as long as you get people with pride, arrogance and/or a desire to **** with others for no real reason, you will get conflict. The sad part is some people are all too quick to point out a person's pride, arrogance or whatever else yet can't see it in themselves.

Idealistically I'd consider myself a pacifist - in some way I'd love us to all get along embracing our differences and all that, but realistically it ain't gonna happen.

The closest I know of is some individuals who are pretty chill get on with almost everyone (I'm glad to have met at least two such people on these very forums), but even they can get dragged into the conflict by those who thrive on it from time to time.

It's not completely bad though, even conflict has it's positive consequences much of the time just as remaining peacefully stagnant carries some negative consequences.

[smurphy]

The more I think about it, I think the real "me" is actually a product of the expectations of society and my peers, as opposed to being a true and unbiased reflection of who I really am.In real life, I go out of my way to being anti conformist, under the argument that people usually accept me for who I am and if they dont, their loss. I go out of my way to look as auspicious as possible and take interest in hobbies which are largely frowned upon or ignored So strictly speaking from the viewpoint of someone who doesnt try to conform in order to appear more amiable to peers, I think that I am a reflection of what I dont want to be as opposed to who I really am. Anyway, who would want to conform nowadays, what with mainstream music and general culture being, for lack of a better word, "inadequate".

Of course, here on the forum I feel that I can express my true opinion in the hope that the community is diverse enough to contain another individual who shares similar viewpoints and maybe there are other individuals who can enlighten me on many subjects. Despite very occasionally receiving criticism for my opinions here I dont feel the need to adapt my viewpoint as I know there would be others here who agree with me in many regards, so I feel no pressure to conform to this or not conform to that. I see the internet, or more specifically this forum, as a safe haven to voice honest opinions. I am a stubborn individual so I wouldnt have it any other way.

[Pete]

I think that I'm pretty much who I say I am. The way I write on the boards is pretty much exactly as how I'd say it if we were face to face. I don't pull punches and I don't sugarcoat things. If people can't deal with my opinions, I'll be more than willing to discuss it, but they've also gotta learn that everything isn't sunshine and lollipops.

[Block]

About being more accepting of differences in personality and opinion, especially on an internet forum where there is likely to be a strong diversity in both? Or is it one of those situations too where you have to be "fake" in order to succeed? Or would being accepting of such differences be "fake" for some people, and I should be accepting of their unnaccepting nature?

What is accepting someone else? You said something about disagreeing and keeping your mouth shut, and if that counts as accepting then there are a lot of accepting people on these forums. But if I were to define what being accepting of someone is, I would say that it is realizing their differences, why they've come to those differences, and (most important part here) respecting their differences. If you do the first two, but then still think their opinion (or what have you) is hogwash then I wouldn't call you accepting even if you don't point out your disbelief. At that point in time I would say you are not accepting of their opinion but instead too concerned with the ramifications of pointing out said nonacceptance. The nasty part about this though is that someone who isn't really accepting of a person looks just like a person who is unless they decide to vocalize the nonacceptance.

[Taco-Calamitous]

There is a difference between accepting something and agreeing with it. Just as there is a difference between respectfully disagreeing with someone and making them feel like crap for thinking something or being a certain way. Especially if the way they are isn't detrimental to anyone else but may be slightly annoying, why make them feel like crap for it? Patience is a virtue I think a lot of people could stand to have more of, myself included at times. Take time understand and talk to one another rather than driving a wedge between one another with blunt words or insults. But we're all human, and tend to make mistakes. Of course it's not all going to be roses all the time, and sometimes there is a need for stomping them, but generally there is not a direct need to cause that lack of roses. Sometimes, to relieve stress, It is definitely tempting, I will admit. Maybe there are better avenues for that, though. ...and I think I'll just leave it at that. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[che]

No, it's the internet. The more I beat my opinion down someone's throat the more I think I might have given that person a different look on things through either my view or making them think more about something so they start to consider more options. I may look like a jackass, but I'm sure that person will benefit from it in a way in the long run. But that's who I am, or who I want to be.

So really, the people who sit back and are accepting of everything are the jackasses because they never learn anything but what they perceive in their own environment.

[Taco-Calamitous]

Or maybe, just maybe, when you force something down someone's throat and especially when you insult them, it makes them not want to listen to anything you have to say or acknowledge that it might have had merit. Maybe a more respectful approach would have gotten through to that individual more, and made them more willing to listen to what you have to say. I know that's how I work. Although I suppose people work in different ways. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Block]

There is a difference between accepting something and agreeing with it. Just as there is a difference between respectfully disagreeing with someone and making them feel like crap for thinking something or being a certain way. Especially if the way they are isn't detrimental to anyone else but may be slightly annoying, why make them feel like crap for it? Patience is a virtue I think a lot of people could stand to have more of, myself included at times. Take time understand and talk to one another rather than driving a wedge between one another with blunt words or insults. But we're all human, and tend to make mistakes. Of course it's not all going to be roses all the time, and sometimes there is a need for stomping them, but generally there is not a direct need to cause that lack of roses. Sometimes, to relieve stress, It is definitely tempting, I will admit. Maybe there are better avenues for that, though. ...and I think I'll just leave it at that. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

You are of course entitled to your own opinion of accepting. That is fine by me. I have just described, to me, what makes someone accepting in my eyes.

[Jin]

No, it's the internet. The more I beat my opinion down someone's throat the more I think I might have given that person a different look on things through either my view or making them think more about something so they start to consider more options. I may look like a jackass, but I'm sure that person will benefit from it in a way in the long run. But that's who I am, or who I want to be.

So really, the people who sit back and are accepting of everything are the jackasses because they never learn anything but what they perceive in their own environment.

Is it really necessary to pass douchery off as being selfless? You know I'm as bad for it online as anyone, but let's be real here. No one is doing it so that others may learn. People see something/someone that they believe to be stupid and proceed to make fun of it because, for any number of reasons, they enjoy doing so. That's it. There's no altruism there; the betterment of mankind is not the goal. Just plain school yard cruelty.

Or was that post sarcasm?

[Rocky]

Wow, not even Jin can tell if chad was being sarcastic or not.

shit just got real.

[Jin]

Chad's pretty good at it. I've never denied that.

[Block]

Or was that post sarcasm?

I thought it sarcastic.

[Taco-Calamitous]

Well, I guess "No, this is the internet" would have been a dead give away if he wasn't being serious. Although I don't know if it's outright sarcasm or not. Sorry if I took you seriously when you were just joking around, chad; when I'm taking a discussion seriously, I fail to catch humor a lot of the time unless it's blatantly obvious. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[che]

Ugh. I feel like nobody *gets* me here. Sigh.......

[Pete]

Bravo chad, you went from douche to emo in 2 posts.

Color me impressed.