I have a degree in environmental engineering. So I know a lot about environmental sustainability, hazardous materials, and hydrology. Hydrology is a pointless thing to know. I don't even know why I had to take that course. I have so many formulas for calculating things like peak discharge by means of the rational method going through my head, and I will literally never need to use any of them again, unless if I decide to teach a hydrology course, in which case, I would rather drown myself in a toilet.

I'm certified in hazardous waste operation and emergency response through OSHA, so that's pretty cool. I also have an enormous penis.