For my entrée I'd have Cracker a la Ritz, with a side of your finest Philadelphia full-fat. I require a main of foie gras, with spinach and feta ravioli and a side salad, balsamic vinegar and pesto dressing. My dessert shall be a chocolate ganache, with a butterscotch and vanilla creme. I will be paying by American Express, will this suffice?

Or a packet of Doritos. I'm not fussy.