The One That Got Away

[Order]

Hopefully some of you have similar stories to share...

There was a girl who worked for me in the Navy.
We got along well and she caught my attention the first time I saw her. She had everything I liked in a girl.
We hooked up in a port one night and spent the next three days together until we had to go back to the ship and work again.
I told her I was conflicted because I didn't know if I was going to stay with the Navy and that having a relationship with a subordinate could cause me problems. So we cooled off.
By the time we got back to our home port, I decided I wanted be with her anyway, but it seemed like she never had time for me.
After the third weekend I asked her to go to dinner and she gave me another lame excuse why she couldn't I realized I'd been placed squarely in the friendzone.
This was affirmed by the fact that she started telling me about some other guy she'd met.

I asked her if she thought he was good looking and if she'd date him. She said yes.
Well, I happened to have some friends in common with said dude, so I called him and told him she was interested, but waiting for him to make a move. I told him to hurry up and get her, cuz a girl like that doesn't stay single for long.

Well, he grabbed her up and now their married and happy.

For a while I kept thinking I should have done something different. i had to remind myself that theres always someone else. It took a while for me to accept that she probably just put some thought into it and couldn't picture herself with me.

That hurts, you know.
Finding the one with every quality youve been wishing to see in anyone, then finding out you aren't what they want.

Part of it was I couldn't stand to feel that when I was around our mutual friends.
Part of it was that I'd murder any lesser man than me for putting his hands on her.

I get thank you emails from them sometimes. They still don't understand why I did it. The guy thought I was screwing with him at first. Then he thought he owed me something.

Looking back, I like to think I did it for good reasons. But the truth is, I knew the rest of the guys who were trying to get in her pants and I wanted to strangle most of them to death for thinking about it.
In the end,
I may have done the morally correct thing, even if accidentally.

Today, I keep meeting closet psychopaths who want to control me. Dirtbag girls with criminal friends. Druggies. Hookers. Leeches. Desparate women who claim they aren't married.
That girl that I had, if only for a couple days, is the reason I don't just settle in for a life of unpredictable moodswings, pills, and daddy issues with some slampig.

The good ones are out there. They're just at home, watching TV and their friends are trying to get out of the friendzone.

Moral of the story.
She'll be happier without you as a friend. youll be happier with someone who doesnt friendzone you.

[Rhaps]

My rule of thumb is "If you're ever friendzoned, stop all communication with that person." Saves time and trouble.

My story is kind of lame compared to yours, but here we go:
This happened at work maybe a month and a half ago. I was doing my waiter thang, bussing tables, taking orders and whatnot, when suddenly, this absolutely stunning girl walks in. Her silvery-blue eyes reflected that certain ray of light that can ensnare any man, no matter his creed or preference in women. Her hair was dark, in a sort of Zooey Deschanel style that's been popular for awhile, but it was a bit wavier. Needless to say her face could launch a thousand ships. I'm giving too much floaty detail, better press on.

As luck would have it, she sat down in my section of the restaurant. No one accompanied her, and she looked quite lonely at her table. Of course I went out of my way to greet and introduce myself, do all of the waiter bullshit, but I don't think I've ever enjoyed it quite as much as I did then. She lit up and smiled for me, and I'm pretty sure I'd have melted on the spot if it weren't against workplace policy. She didn't need much, so I cycled around to each customer, and found myself coming back to her rather then heading into the kitchen to chat with my coworkers, and doing something I rarely do with customers: Strike up conversation.
Her meal wound down, and it was clear she was going to live. My heart was racing. "Now or never, Billy, now or never. Do. Not. ****. Up."
I approached her, and then this happened.

"So, did you enjoy everything?"

"The food was ok, but this was fantastic. You're a great server," she said, smiling.

"I'm going to hold you to that when my manager puts me on review," I said like a ****ing dork. She giggled, I hoped at my line, but more than likely at me being such an awkward person.

"Alright, well, I've got to go. My name is Sarah, by the way. Will you be here this day next week?"

"Sorry, but I was called in tonight. I'll be here next Wednesday though! I guess I'll see you around then. Do you suppose I could get your nu-"

"Eh waiter! Sir! Sir! Can I get some extra butter packets?! Sir?"
An elderly man nowhere near the vicinity of my section shouted this at me, interrupting me asking for her number. I looked back at her and smiled wanly, said "Be right back," and went over to the kitchen to grab his stupid butter.

She was gone when I got back, and hasn't been back since then.

Hard to believe how making a joke lost me that. Hell, maybe she was just really polite and would've shot me down. Maybe I should blame the old guy. Maybe I should blame the other waiter who wasn't tending his customers. There's probably an infinite number of alternate paths to this situation, but I like to believe she'd have said yes.

...I also like to believe she'll be back one day.

[Order]

Yeah, that missed chance thing can really bear it's weight on you.
I shoulda done this, I shouldn't have done that.

I rationalize by thinking that there will always be another one. But it's rare to see someone who really grabs your attention.

Edit:
Good rule, by the way. I do the same.

[Yoko]

Once you think about how many people there are in the world, narrow it down to how many people you see, then think about how many people you talk to and interact with, it really is a slim chance that someone like that or even the same person will come around into your sights again. Not to completely crush your hopes and dreams or anything. I'm just putting it into perspective. It doesn't mean you can't be optimistic. Bitches love optimism.

I can't really say there was anyone in my life who I regret 'letting go'. I mean, it was hard to let go of my ex, but he was a jerk anyway. There is one regret I have in my life, and that was not having the chance to get to know my grandpa. My parents made that literally impossible. He ended up 'getting away' (or in this case dying), before I was old enough to talk to him on an adult to adult level. Very unfortunate. He would love to know that his granddaughter is a whiskey drinker.

I don't know what kind of impact I leave on others. If people see me as 'the one that got away', I would be rather flattered.

Rhapso, that happened not all that long ago, correct? You ever think of asking the co-workers of even trying to work on that day again? She might still be in the area. IT MIGHT NOT BE TOO LATE!

[Order]

Bitches love optimism.

That's awesome.

[Alpha]

I really hate the concept of the 'friendzone'. Tell me if I'm getting it right. You have a (girl) friend you want to bone, but she only wants to be friends with you?

So what? Either you be a friend back, or you stop being an arrogant douche and accept that sometimes people you want to sex do not want to sex you back. There's nothing wrong with that, that's just an adult way to manage friendships.

...

On to the topic. I have a long-term girlfriend and we're happy together, but we've been through a lot. Actually no she's been pretty consistent; I've been through a lot of self-doubt. I had three girlfriends before my current one; and I'm friends with all three of them still (but only talk to two of them regularly... one of them is a particularly good friend). If you know you've got a good thing, it is still remarkably easy to screw up, provided the significant other isn't forgiving. If they are, you're lucky, because there is no doubt that we all make dumb mistakes at some stage in a relationship. In fact the probability approaches 1 after about two years.

[Rowan]

Once you think about how many people there are in the world, narrow it down to how many people you see, then think about how many people you talk to and interact with, it really is a slim chance that someone like that or even the same person will come around into your sights again.

What she should have said was that based on the fact that there are over 6 billion people in this world, there is a more than likely chance that you will find someone who is better than this 'girl who got away'.

So much for optimism =S

[Order]

Alpha,
Keeping in touch with/being friends with/sleeping with your exs is not friendzone. I was friends with one of my exs for years.
Wanting to be in a relationship and continuously being kept at a distance is the friendzone.
I don't keep in touch with exs for two reasons, it makes the new girlfiend jealous/insecure and I broke up for a reason. However, moving to a new city every few years makes it easy for me to disappear, even from the stalker types.
Edit: Acting like you haven't ever seen some shamefully whipped dude chasing after a girl who clearly has no interest in him?
Claiming to never have wasted your time trying to convince a girl to give you a chance to impress her?
Are you a blind eunic?

It is easy to take a good relationship for granted.
Many girls I have dated start doing the psychology crap, trying to find out how far I'll go for her comfort, how honest I am, blah blah blah.

Now, in your case, you would be in the friendzone if current girlfriend did not exsit and you were trying to pick back up with one of the exs unsuccessfully.



Rowan,
6 billion people on the planet.

2 billion starving to death in china.
1 billion starving to death in various other places.
1 billion have mental disorders or deformities.
1 billion honestly believe they should have been the opposite sex.
4 million are in the north korean army.

So that leaves...
500 million scattered around the world that aren't undesireable right off the bat.
Of that, I'm sure most are douchebags.

Not that I'm being pessimistic.
I just hate when people remind me that there are 6 billion people, as if each one could be worth meeting.

Truth is, most people are not worth meeting.

[seanb]

Oh so someone with a mental disorder or deformity, you instantly disregard as someone unsuitable to be in a relationship? No wonder she got away

[Yoko]

Rowan,
6 billion people on the planet.

2 billion starving to death in china.
1 billion starving to death in various other places.
1 billion have mental disorders or deformities.
1 billion honestly believe they should have been the opposite sex.
4 million are in the north korean army.

So that leaves...
500 million scattered around the world that aren't undesireable right off the bat.
Of that, I'm sure most are douchebags.

Not that I'm being pessimistic.
I just hate when people remind me that there are 6 billion people, as if each one could be worth meeting.

Truth is, most people are not worth meeting.

That's exactly what I was trying to say. People are like fingerprints. No one is ever the same. Everyone has different personalities, different views. The odds of you finding that person again with the same views or a nice balance is difficult. Not to say that you shouldn't try...It just takes a lot of work. I'd rather work on my career.

I know people who meet internet friends they like and then one day, the randomly fall off the world wide web, and there's no trace left of them. Kind of sad to see, but in that case, I would say Get out into the world and meet other people. There are some really nice people out there, and no, they are not in the friendzone. I believe in fate. When it happens, it happens. You can't force anything.

[Tallulah]

*sigh* I fell in love with this guy, but it went wrong because we are both shift workers and we found it hard to see each other. Amongst other reasons I am only just beginning to comprehend six weeks on, but I still don't want to talk about it because it is still raw in the back of my mind, he finished with me.

We are still friends, though, and although he has given me half hearted invites to see him again, I keep my distance as I'm not getting hurt again.

I wonder if I had told him that I loved him earlier on, would we still be together? Perhaps not, because he claimed it was him, not me. I used to want to get back with him but now... It would be nice but... I dunno.

Besides there is someone else I like, and I've liked him for a while. If he likes me back for real I wouldn't want to let him go. I just wish I knew for sure... <3

Wow, quite a philosophical post from me there.

[Order]

Sean,
Yes any mental disorder or deformity makes someone undesireable.

Kyra,
Ah, I get ya.

Tallulah,
You can never be sure of how someone feels about you. You gotta take that step.

Alpha,
Didn't mean to sound condescending, but i probably do...

[Pete]

No breaking into song a la Katy Perry?

About five years ago I met a girl right after a really bad breakup. My ex had cheated on me, and when I kicked her to the curb, she got all sad and promised to change, blah blah.

This girl found me on myspace, and we just kind of hit it off... except we had never met in person, due to her work schedule and me being broke in between school semesters. We basically spent a whole summer flirting and making fun of my ex.

One day, I had to go back up to my ex's town, since I was storing shit in her basement, since before we broke up, and I wanted it out so I could put it in the house I rented for my senior year. I unfortunately had to call her and head to her house, where she proceeded to meet up with me and "help" me unpack all of my stuff. That turned into a lot of her crying about how she screwed up, and how sorry she was. After that we got some food, because I was starving. My plan was to just head back down, because I had no need to be up there. That turned into making a quick stop at her house, when the myspace girl texted me. I'll never forget it.

"So what are we doing on this beautiful night? "

I had to tell a white lie that I was tired from the 4 hour drive up, but wanted to see her on Sunday. She was busy, so Monday it was.

Bang the ex... 3 times. Head home Sunday afternoon. Monday pours, like biblical rain, so we call it off.

Then the fall semester rolls around. We flirt a lot, I start banging the ex again, and it leads to a mini blowup with the myspace girl. Officially break up with the ex, for reals, and tell the myspace girl. We meet up over Thanksgiving and it was great. No shenanigans, just a nice night. Long story short, we go back and forth flirting and such.

After that, it's been a whole lot of inconvenience, and unfortunately fizzling out. She was in college when I was home, I was when she was home. Work made it difficult, then I got into 2 year relationship, and we essentially danced around each other for 5 years. Still kinda makes me wonder what could have been, had I just gone home that one Saturday in July, instead of banging my ex.

[Order]

That's a pretty epic story.

Ex sex has never led to anything good.
but its convenient and easy.
I can understand why you did what you did. It's hard not to believe an ex when they start crying and appologizing. Especially because nobody wants to let a cute girl cry.

[Rowan]

6 billion people on the planet.

2 billion starving to death in china.
1 billion starving to death in various other places.
1 billion have mental disorders or deformities.
1 billion honestly believe they should have been the opposite sex.
4 million are in the north korean army.

Seriously? Half the world is in starvation? You have no idea about the world which is shown by your simplistic analysis of the human population. You are trying to divide 6 billion people into 5 simplistic and unrealistic catagories and then tell us the pickings are slim (failing to mention the catagory where half of them are men). Whatever man, if you think theres only 1 bitch out there for you then theres something wrong with your perception. If you had 1 million disirable women lined up waiting for you to pick one, im sure that at least 1 of them will meet whatever unrealistic expectations you've set for yourself. I dont believe in fate, I believe in attitudes and statistics. The only person making it difficult to find someone is yourself. Too bad you think theres not enough people without deformities, food and vaginas... or democracy.

[motscroises]

I don't have anyone that got away because I'm way awesomer than everyone else so if I got dumped (HAAAH) I'd just go be awesome with someone else and not care.

[Order]

Rowan,
I was pointing out that I do agree there is always someone else to meet, but not 6 billion worth meeting.
It wanst ment as a personal jab.
If you would like to challenge me to a "who knows more about foreign countries" contest, this isn't the thread for it, but in the right place, bring it.

Anyway,
I didn't intend for the thread to be about optimism or pessimism or how you feel qbout being in a relationship/single.
Just a place to share some stories.
So far they're all interesting.

Here's another one...

I was in highschool and this girl was part of my group of delinquents.
She was albanian and smoking hot.
On top of being able to hold her own in a political debate against me, she was 100% class and sex.
I spent months working away at her disapproval of my skin color. Eventually, she agreed that I wasn't another white guy.
She agreed to go on a date with me, so I went to her house to pick her up.
I met her parents who were both clearly the wealthy family types. They barely approved of the work my parents did, but were civil with me anyway. I put on my game face and tried to convince them I was intelligent and cultured.
Haha.
Anyway,
I take her to dinner and she gets a call from her dad right after we order. She excuses herself and quickly walks out front.
I could tell by her gestures that it was not a pleasant conversation.
She came back just after we got our food and said she needed to go back home.
I maintained my composure the best any 17 year old can and smiled at her, laid cash on the table for the meal, told the waiter to **** himself before he could ask anything, took her by the hand (careful to lead, not pull) and drove her home.

I found out days later that her father didn't want her dating me. I knew it was because I am a white american. I couldn't really argue too much, because I always belived a child should obey their parents, even if they're being rediculous. As long as they aren't negligent or abusive anyway.....
Welp,
They moved to california not too long after. I didn't stay in touch because her family would never have changed their minds.

But, damn.
Shoulda known her parents were the real challenge. They were the ones I should have been trying to convince all along.
I'd be willing to bet that she is now one of those daddy issues kids, though.

[OceanEyes28]

Hey so I think you both have figured this out by now, but just in case, stop talking about starving deformed people in China in this thread.

thx

I have experienced this, yes. Bad timing on both our parts.

Also

My rule of thumb is "If you're ever friendzoned, stop all communication with that person." Saves time and trouble.

This annoyed me. But at the same time, if you're the type of guy who bails on a friendship because you're not gonna get to **** her, you're right... it does save time and trouble. For her.

I'm hoping you meant it in a better way than it came across.

[Order]

I don't have anyone that got away because I'm way awesomer than everyone else so if I got dumped (HAAAH) I'd just go be awesome with someone else and not care.

I believe you.

[Dranzer]

I don't have anyone that got away because I'm way awesomer than everyone else so if I got dumped (HAAAH) I'd just go be awesome with someone else and not care.

This was worth repeating.

LMAO @ all of you.

<3

[Order]

If you've never been rejected,
If you've never took your chances,
If you laughed at my stories...

Enjoy your internet, because you sure as hell haven't lived.

Also,
How's your slampig girlfriend?

[Dranzer]

If you've never been rejected,
If you've never took your chances,
If you laughed at my stories...

Enjoy your internet, because you sure as hell haven't lived.

Also,
How's your slampig girlfriend?

You take things way too seriously. You're story wasn't nearly as humorous as others, and the way they were told (Pete's for example was particularly funny). My laughter was actually at the ridiculous argument that got stirred up because certain individuals insist on coming out on top every time they see something they completely disagree with, or think/know is wrong, etc.

Waste of time, dude seriously.

& bitch, please on the girlfriend question if that was directed at me.

^ Again, LMAO.

[Order]

Dranzer,
You jumped in talking shit, save face if you think nobody noticed you showing your ass.
How do you think one would interperate a statement like, "LAMO @ all of you".
Makes you sound like a douche.

I don't see how you could have never tried and failed to gain a girl's interest.

Yes, the slampig girlfiend question was directed toward you, internet tough guy.
I enjoy riping on people who talk shit when they can't contribute to a conversation.

The title of the thread is "the one who got away" and not "who is so awesome that they've never been rejected".

Anyway,
Went to a bar with a group once.
One guy asked me how to pick up women at a bar.
I told him that first, you can't worry about rejection. It happens.
He asked me how to stop worrying about it, so I took him around the bar while I hit on some women that I was interested in and let him witness me being rejected over and over until the place closed.
I explained that some girls aren't looking, some aren't attracted to you, some have the wrong idea about you and some just don't want to be hit on.
The only way to find a woman at a bar that will respond positively is to start talking and offer to buy her a drink.

Of course, the whole time and for weeks after, my buddies ripped on me for failing so hard, but that one guy understood my point.

[Tallulah]

Tallulah,
You can never be sure of how someone feels about you. You gotta take that step.

Thanks for the advice. I work with the guy in question and I would hate for things to be awkward between us if things went soured. I'm sure I could handle it. It doesn't help that like everyone knows, though.

[Order]

Oh, a coworker. Yeah, that does make it risky, but only if the guy turns out to be clingy or vindictive if you break up.
I'd suggest going for it and being prepaired to break up early if things get rough, but looking at my track record with relationships, my advice will probably not lead to a long or fulfilling expirience.

[Dranzer]

Dranzer,
You jumped in talking shit, save face if you think nobody noticed you showing your ass.
How do you think one would interperate a statement like, "LAMO @ all of you".
Makes you sound like a douche.

I don't see how you could have never tried and failed to gain a girl's interest.

Yes, the slampig girlfiend question was directed toward you, internet tough guy.
I enjoy riping on people who talk shit when they can't contribute to a conversation.

The title of the thread is "the one who got away" and not "who is so awesome that they've never been rejected".

[OceanEyes28]

Enough. Dranzer, that crosses the line from a disagreement within a thread to hijacking it completely. Both of you let it go.

[Yoko]

So, I got to thinking last night. There were a bunch of guys that got away in my life. I just choose not to think about it, because thinking of the future is a better way to look at things.

I used to go to summer camp a lot. In said summer camp, there were a lot of guys. And at night, the girls and guys were separated for a reason. There were a few guys in my group that I liked, but I was between the ages of like 12 and 16 during these times. The only time I would get to spend time with these guys was between the times of like 7pm and 9pm, since we were returned to 'barracks' at 10, and lights out was 11. Some of the girls would sneak out at night and go have fun with that special guy of theirs. I would rather just sleep, because even then I knew what the most important time of the day was. NIGHT TIME! Anyway, some of these courses would have little dances. Quite a few times I would find myself dancing with one kind of guy, we would talk and whatever. Since the officers at these camps were completely against cadet fraternization, any kind of kissing, hugging or anything like that WAS taboo. I was slightly a 'rule follower' back then, but there were times I would be like, why the **** not. At said dance, we ended up making out in the middle of a crowd. A few moments later, I feel a pull on my shirt and I get kicked out (keep in mind I'm like 13 here). He was kicked out too and sent back to barracks. I didn't see that guy again . I don't remember being upset about it. And it's not like the fling would have worked out. Even I called it 'just a crush'. Although back then those words mean a lot...there was no way I could have found him again. It was an end of course dance and I had never seen that guy before. The life and times of a 14 year old! YAY!

Another time was a little more successful. There was one guy I had gotten to know over the time of a three week course. The course ended up going to Ottawa for a day, and I ended up spending most of the day with him. I was 15 this time and on the way home, we ended up sitting in the back of a coach bus together. We all know what that leads to right! Make out session for the win! Most of my friends could see us, but I honestly didn't care. As long as the staff didn't see, that's all that mattered. He tried to reach for my boob at one point. I'm not sure why I didn't let him. After that he ended up getting all weird with me, but whatever. It was another failed crush that I ended up never seeing again. We did end up hanging out until our course finished. We probably had another few make out sessions, but I wasn't willing to lose my virginity. At least I was trying to be smart, right? After the course finished, we parted ways and never saw each other again.

I have quite a few more camp stories. One of my friends that was more closer to my home town I ended up liking at camp...ended up turning me down. Now he's in a happy 5 year relationship with his girlfriend. I am happy for him, but I'm selfish enough to think...that could have been me. Meh. she's better suited for him anyway.

This is why I always to look at the brighter side of things. It's also why I have a jaded view of the world. There is absolutely no way I'll find someone like those guys. I won't sit there and break down the world into sections. I just mean....well, you should know what I mean. I already stated it. No matter the odds and how they're against you, look at the bright side. Optimism is key. I haven't exactly given up on finding someone, I'm just not actively searching because I have more important things to do right now. I'm at a time of my life where I'm looking out for myself for the betterment of my future. After I'm satisfied, then I will start looking again. :3

[Order]

Kyra,
The camp stories were actually a little funny, but not in a sarcastic-douche "ha-HA" way.
I mean, I remember when I was that age and had no idea what I was doing. I could picutre it.

Anyway,
I get what you mean with getting yourself set up and in a good place before searching actively for a relationship.
I've been thinking the same way. I still date, but never take it very seriously.
Relationships usually crumble when the girl finds out that not only have you not thought about marriage or children, you don't want to picture yourself with her in the future.
I get the fact that most women want something long term and stable. Security, or whatever...
It would be nice to date a girl who wasn't counting down the days to the year mark when they expect to be proposed to.

[Pete]

I think that may be one of the worst feelings in the world. When you're happy with the person you're with, but you just know that you're not gonna be with them for the rest of your life. Just bizarre and kind of sad at the same time, all while being happy in your relationship.

Happened to me with my last gf. She told me that "her kids will be Jewish." I think the real dealbreaker with that lies more in the fact that if things were to progress to that level, I'd have no say in how my kids would be raised, and so at that point I just knew that it ultimately wouldn't work. Yet I was still relatively happy with the relationship... until things just fell apart lol