Most rewarding way to off someone?

[che]

Note: This isn't for real. We're not plotting to kill anyone, and if you actually are, don't mention it. It's just for fun.

What's the most rewarding way to kill someone? Would you like to be up in their face, looking into their eyes as you do it? Would you like to kill them without them ever even knowing you were there all stealth-like? You want to kill them from atop a mountain with a giant fireball?

I guess it depends on what that person did to make you feel like you needed to take their life. But suppose you were in that mindset, what's the most satisfying way to do it?

[Padraic]

Well, I know this sounds rather odd, but I would want to make them catch fire and watch them burn to death. Mostly so I can see what happens to things when they burn to death. Its a way of blowing off steam AND its educational! =D

[midgetbob]

a knife through the cheekbone (as this would hurt like ****ing hell AND you would hear the blade scraping through the bone) as it wont kill them, THEN take a spoon and jam it between the ribs... since its blunt and mildly curved, it's going to push and then tear the lungs... fun!

[Bubble Boy]

Well, I know this sounds rather odd, but I would want to make them catch fire and watch them burn to death. Mostly so I can see what happens to things when they burn to death. Its a way of blowing off steam AND its educational! =D

Holy shit dude you have issues.

I understand pyromania...but my understanding only goes so far.

[Padraic]

They aren't issues if you accept them. I just like fire, thats all there is to it, and I have a strong liking to science, so I like to test things and see the results. I guess this just makes me a mad scientist.

[Merlin]

While I have no desire to kill anyone, because I find it rather stupid (to say the least), I know that ammonia and bleach mixed in a tin pail causes an undetectable chemical reaction that creates a colorless gas that will kill you. Police would chalk it up to you mixing two chemicals together like a dumbass. This is a key reason chemicals say not to mix them. If you are curious: Ammonia and Chlorine Mixed.

[Violet]

Just sneak some anti-freeze in their food. If I were a murderer, I would prefer to watch from afar rather than get me hands dirty .

[Cheesevixen]

I would shove my knee into their chest while I choked the life from their eye's. Watching them turn bloodshot, and recognize that I had won. I think that would be the most rewarding way to off someone ever.

[Sinister]

Thought about this before.

Three different possible methods:

Incapacitate them with a headblow, take a carpet knife and sever the axillary artery(located under the arm or arm pit). Just hang the dying person upside down, similar to a deer. Feed a catheter into the wound, pump the arm a few times to squeeze out the last drops and you have what I call a "Complete Desanguination". Yay!!

Method two is the old school Glasgow smile. Sever both cheeks where it looks like a nice broad smile. Punch them in the stomach and when they gasp they'll tear open several facial arteries and bleed to death or die of shock.

Method three, Blood eagle... Let's see what Wikipedia says:

The Blood Eagle was a method of torture and execution that is sometimes mentioned in Norse saga literature. It was performed by cutting the ribs of the victim by the spine, breaking the ribs so they resembled blood-stained wings, and pulling the lungs out. Salt was sprinkled in the wounds.

So there's that. I'm out of ideas now.

Love,

-Sin

[Jin]

A milling machine, set to 1/1000 of an inch. Lay lucky contestant number one on the table, adjust for which part of their body you'd like to mill and then let 'er rip. Not sure how effective it would be when it hits bone, but the removal of 1/1000 of an inch of skin every pass would likely be painful. Maybe keep a hacksaw and a hammer/chisel around just in case the bone proves too tough.

Either that, or use Nickleback. That's probably worse.


Edit: Scratch the hacksaw. If it can go through steel, I'm sure it can go through bone.

[Heartless Angel]

I'd go for something unnescessarily violent and fun to watch. Like ripping out their intestines and strangling them. (I was making this threat to people long before Sheogorath said it in Oblivion <.< He so stole that from me) Of course, I wouldn't do this right away...

Torturous is always fun. I've got me a pair of cutco scissors that can cut coins in half, should work fine on human fingers and toes. Maybe hack one off once an hour. Kinda like Chinese water torture... except with dismemberment instead of drops of water. Of course I'd stop the bleeding whenever I did something like this, just so they didn't go and die early on me. I'd want to cause as much damage as they could possibly survive before I finally kiilled them. I'd make them beg me to finish the job. Maybe even let them think it'll finally be over a few times before I do it. Like set up one of the bladed pendulum sort of traps, letting them think when it falls it'll finally be over, but actually have it stop falling after it makes a relatively shallow cut, then raising it, and coming back out to inflict more pain upon them. Maybe a crushing wall room that stops and goes back after it's only crushed most of their bones rather than killing them. Like incomplete Saw traps. I'd let them get so close to dying... then take that welcomed escape away just before it's within their reach, but after they've endured the suffering.

I don't rub salt in wounds... I use pure capsaicin extract. Something like 16 million on the scoville heat scale, that would have to suck ass in an open wound.

I'd put a large box on their head, stick a starving rat in there and close it, let it have the eyes or whatever it felt like eating, then remove it. Then release the now blinded victim into a room full of sharp objects, telling them they'd need to find a key to get out and watch the fun! Of course none of these blades would be long enough to reach vital organs or anything they could use to end the suffering early. Probably needles and things of that nature. Of course there would be no such key, I'd just come get em when I got bored of watching and continue with other things.

And when I was finally satisfied, and they begged me to kill them, out come the intestines, and I hang them from em. Fun for the whole family!

[Maridia]

Wow I thought I was messed.

You guys are pretty ****ed.

[loaf]

Tie them up, stack some bricks and cement around them, let them rot in darkness.

[Meier Link]

Now this is what I am talking about:



It would take a long while to get any where but the over all work would be well worth the effort. And would have to switch over to this when arms get to tired from rocking back and forth



Then when they are close to death make them spend time with this:



By the time Ben is done boring them to death and showing his piss poor acting skills you will end up with this:



Now for all seriousness, even though the cheese grater really scares the shite out me I would have to say quick and almost untraceable would be the way to go about it. Something like a fully charged phosphoric acid bath. The only thing left in the end will be the fillings in your teeth and the soles of your shoes. There is no escaping either because by the time you hit the acid the electric current that runs through it would kill you instantly.

[Heartless Angel]

Of course my last scenario was simply the fun way... If I wanted to get away with murder, I'd have to do something else obviously. I'd probably go with the classic icicle murder weapon, melting evidence ftw. And as for hiding the body, I'd hide it in the most obvious place... a graveyard. Nobody would think twice about seeing a body sized plot of dug up land. Might even buy em a coffin to further make it seem like nothing special if for some unknown reason somebody actually DID dig it up. I suppose the best bet would be to check the obituaries and throw the body in someone else's grave, then nobody would dig it up or question whether or not that plot had a reason to be dug up. Might give the body a slight acid treatment as well, just to obscure the approzimate time of death an autopsy would turn up. The victim of course would have to be a complete stranger so that nobody would be able to link me to them with any sort of motive.

[Polk]

Either that, or use Nickleback. That's probably worse.

My god you're a monster

I think if I ever had to kill someone, I'd do it by drowning them in a pool full of kittens. It'd probably be really funny to watch their expression change from a happy, "Aw, a pool full of kittens! :3 " to the horrifying realization that the only reason these adorable animals are here is to, in fact, murder them.

And then afterwards, hey, free pool full of kittens!

[Storm]

Now this is what I am talking about:



It would take a long while to get any where but the over all work would be well worth the effort. And would have to switch over to this when arms get to tired from rocking back and forth

Haha, that just reminded me of this pic-


(I do have issues with the position of the grater, though, as it is upside down).

In all seriousness though, I'm very iffy when it comes to gore (unless it's in a movie- then I love it!), so I would have to do something more sneaky. Stripping them naked then putting them in a meat freezer would probably do the trick. Humiliating and torturous, and I won't have to deal with cleaning mess up!

From some of the responses in this thread though, I think I'm going to steer clear of making any of you guys angry!

[Clint]

All of those are some very twisted and creative ways to off people, but sometimes too much creativity defeats the purpose. You're looking to kill somebody. That's a statement enough. You can do it in the simplest fashion possible, and it would still make just as big of an impact as doing it in any other kind of way.

That being said, first I would fake my own death, so I'm not to be accused once the murder finally takes place. Then I would obtain fake papers, which would indicate that I'm a 27 year old paleontologist named Lloyd Van Buren, born and raised in Amarillo, Texas. After all that is taken care of, I'd find the guy alone, outside, at night, I'd walk up behind him, and shoot him twice through the chest. Merely getting away with murder is satisfactory enough.

[Yuna]

LOL nice pic ! I will order one of those such wonderful slides for my boyfriend's brother...he totally deserves something like that =P

Staying on topic...well, you know, I don't like blood and muck up myself with this one, so I have to pay someone to do the dirty job. There is also the fact if I'm taked by blind rage, I think I can't find different ways to kill people...I have to do immediately, no matter what LOL

I will pay someone of you for sure ihihih

[Heartless Angel]

If the price is right, I might consider volunteering my services o.O

[Yuna]

LOL Heartless Angel, your name is a guarantee and your signature too. If you're like the man on the pic...be my guest then, I have a long list for you XD