Losing friends

[Freya]

At this very moment, I'm exchanging short messages in a community with a friend. Former friend, I have to say. We had a few problems in the last few weeks and I just can't handle her personality. She's quite crazy and drinks a lot of alcohol and always wants me to drink as much as she does. (And even if I drink a bit, she wants me to drink faster and much much more -_-")
So on thursday I decided to tell her that I can't do that anymore and that I probably won't meet with her again. Ah well and now she kinda... well, she seems to be very mad because I'm not like her, so she says that my attitude is stupid and that I still have so much to learn about this world etc. etc.

Is it just me or does everyone feel so... sad when you're losing friends? I mean, if she's acting like an a... (may I even write that word? .-." aw~ you know which one I mean ^^") then does she even deserve my friendship?! O.o"

What about you? Ever lost friends? How did you feel? And most importantly: Do you think you're the reason the friendship ended?

[Dean Winchester]

Nah, the people i thought were my friends turned out they weren't anyway so i burned those bridges and didn't look back. I never did anything to deserve the way they treated and used me. I didn't tell them i wouldn't contact them anymore i just did it. I ran into some already...having the nerve to say hi to me...i just pretend i never met them.



So really i never had any to begin with and i don't care if i ever see them again.

[Xanatos]

Yes it's very sad when you lose a friend I mean it's a natural thing to feel sad after that. I know what kind of feeling that is, I have lost few of my good friends over the years. I cant say that I was the reason, I even don't know how that happened. Maybe because I have changed my place of living and we are far away.
I'll mention just one case. When I saw my old friend after 4 years I hardly recognized him, not because his looks but because his behavior. He changed to a person that I didn't like at all. So naturally I couldn't stand him at all and that was the moment our friendship broke. Also sometimes you even don't know who truly are your friend's.
You must be careful there are many that can pretend to be your friends but when you see their true face you hardly recognize them. I know that losing a friend is a bad thing, but sometimes there is no other option than just that. As I sad I lost few of my friends and I hope that doesn't repeat anymore.

[Rikkuffx]

Thats similar to what i'm going through now. I told this girl Rachel i can't do it anymore,she'd get mad at me if i said no to hanging out then when i started syaing yes she decides to always cancel and hang out with other people. I'm not a partier either and she always thinks i need to drink like her. Sorry nope. So I haven't talked to her for a few months well at my bday party the other night she was texting mybff telling her to fake sick so she could go to the party she was at. nat didn't even want to go,and no she didn't ditch me. But she sent some mean texts to nat yesterday saying she only hangs out with me cause she wants attentiona nd some load of bull. So Nats no longer talking to her either.

I'm sick fo the drama and the highschool childish routine. We are in our 20's,Rachel is all about drama though,if theres no drama shes not happy.

I say that if someone gets mad at you for a really stupid reason they weren't a true friend in the first place,and if they didn't treat you with respect,they weren't really a good friend. I'm letting things roll off my shoulders more smoothly now though. It's over and done with and i'm fine.

[Freya]

well at my bday party the other night she was texting mybff telling her to fake sick so she could go to the party she was at.

Wth.... O_o" Seriously, what kind of girl is this Rachel?! Seems to be as bad as the friend I broke with. Yep, I actually ended it all, thanked her for the good times we had and now I'm hopefully done with her. .,. I don't know if she was a real friend, but we had quite much fun back when she still cared about what I felt. Then slowly she began to change and wanted me to be like her. (She even said so in the last message she sent.) So she wasn't a "real friend", but a "friend". Someone who can have fun with. Someone you like to hang out with. Someone like that. ^^
Losing real good friends is of course more of a shock, but mostly if you can say you got a real real friend you won't lose him that easily. (Fortunately x3")

[Taco-Calamitous]

Both Freya and Rikkuffx: Y'know, if she expects you to drink with her all the time, and can't accept that you don't want to do that, then she doesn't particularly make a very good friend anyway. Sounds pretty self-centered.

Personally, I've been blessed with very good real life friends. They have a very quirky sense of humor, they're all patient people, and they all care about one another. If someone's doing something that pisses other people in the group off, they will actually generally talk about it with the person, or get after them about it if it's particularly annoying/bad, instead of just deciding "I don't like this particular behavior. I'm not even going to tell you that I don't like it, though; I'm just going to stop talking to you," like some people on this very forum have suggested people do before (don't get me wrong, though; there is also a bit of butthurtness and talking-behind-the-back that goes on. Just generally, what is said behind the back is at the very least hinted at to the face, as well.)

That all being said, I generally don't lose friends. Sometimes people grow apart from me or move away, but if they come back, we can be friends again (although I might be shy towards them, what with not really knowing them anymore and having to get used to them again.) I can't think of a time where I've lost a friend in real life (ie not the internet, where it's happened plenty of times) but there was one friend I almost lost; he worked in Yellowstone with me. In fact, we were roommates.

That is probably what almost got us, sleeping a few feet from each other. We realized we had differing tastes on a lot of things, and our personalities would clash sometimes. He would use my stuff a lot without asking, and as time went on, I became less tolerant of it. Particularly when whenever I'd tell him not to use my stuff, he'd be somewhat indignant about it. I was also homesick, and he didn't like me being homesick. So one day he exploded at me, telling me I was "fucking depressing," among other things, and I very sarcastically told him he was a "great friend!" among other things.

We apologized and got over that, but then later on he got a girlfriend there, and she started staying in our room at night. Initially I said it was okay on some nights, if they kept it down, but then it started happening every night, and I just couldn't do it; they were right there, and I heard them, even though to their credit, they were trying to be quiet. So I asked him to stop having her stay the night, and he very sarcastically told me "No." We had one final argument, he stopped talking to me, and I moved into another room. Then people from back home tried to get us to make up, so we did, kinda. I still felt really bitter for months afterward, though, until he apologized again. And now we're fine and can hang out and be friends again; we just can't ever be roommates again (particularly since he married that girl, and they have a kid now.)

So yeah; losing a friend does suck, though I haven't experienced it frequently (except on the internet...) A lot of times, I'll be friends with two people who aren't getting along at the time, and that's a lot of fun, too... Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Zargabaath]

My friends and I have had to kick out two friends for the trouble they caused. It didn't hurt for me because we were on bad terms; the times were good but I don't deal with the Drama Llama. We have no problem kicking people out of the group. Both for being liars, manipulative, and backstabbing. It's all good though cause we find another fourth member of our close group; they were the fourth member during the time we were friends with them.

[Violet]

I've lost some in the past. Most were online. Around middle school, I was always back stabbed and treated like an outcast, so it was hard to have any friends during those times. But when I hit high school, things were much better. I only talk to a couple people that I went to school with now.. all those other friends I had have moved on with their own lives and I'm just not involved with them anymore.

A couple good friends of mine are growing apart from me, as I rarely get to see them anymore. When we do see eachother, it's like we've never been separated. But when we're not hanging out, I feel like we don't contact eachother enough.. and it makes me realize how much about her personal life I am unaware of.

As for losing friends goes, it doesn't effect me that much unless I knew them for a long time and have plenty of good memories of them. It's easy for me to get over a loss of friendship, though. If they don't wanna be my friends, I just figure "screw 'em" and be done with it.

[Lavos]

I kinda have to. My mom is in the Air Force and we move a lot. This is the 7th hose that I remember living in. But, you get used to it. last time, i just said alright see ya. never saw them again, and it wasnt that bad. my sis was wailin, but it was over. done.

[Rocky]

I've never really had to end a friend relationship by any means; I believe that girls tend to get into more bitter fights and are more likely to end friendships then with men. I've pretty much been on good terms with all my friends, and if there ever is a problem that I have with a friend, we get it out of our system. Sometimes that involves bringing it up and talking it out, other times it means getting into a drunken fistfight at 3:00am over some shoes or something, I can't remember exactly. But in either case, us men tend to put it in the past and move forward with our lives. I don't really talk being my friends' backs, and neither do they. If there are people that I meet that might have a tendency to do that, then they aren't my friend, they're just shady immature kids. There have been times where I've grown apart from my friends, and there have been times where I have grown apart from my friends intentionally as well, though those cases involved my former friends getting into trouble with drugs, vandalism, graffiti, etc and I chose not to be a part of that, so I slowly stopped hanging out with them.

Even though people say online is different, I really don't seem to believe that. People are still people, offline or online. The friendships that I have with people I've met online are very real, and I believe my friends that I have online care about me as I do them in the same manner. After all, I've travelled in a car for over 8 hours just to stay at my friend/teammate's house, who happened to be a kid my age that I've met over xbox live. It was a very fun experience, and if the trip wasn't so long, I'd be hanging out with Seth from Kansas pretty much any and every weekend, lol. Anyways, the point is that if you are really making friends with people who backstab others and stuff, are you sure they consider you the same way? If that happened to me, then I don't think I was ever friends with that person in the first place. If it started happening with one of my friends that I have right now, then it would be evident that the two of us were growing apart, but that doesn't mean that the friendship needs to be ended. I think people need to realize that it is immature to burn bridges, because everyone changes and grows at different rates, and sometimes people end up changing to conflict with each other, but there is no need to throw away friendship and memories because of people not getting along like they used to.

[loaf]

I lost a friend who was considered a brother to me. Knew him from the 3rd grade, graduated with this fool and everything. He is no longer my friend, because I thought with the wrong head.

[Freya]

Oookay.. I guess it's still not over. O_o"
A few hours ago I got a message from another friend and he asked me what I said to the friend I lost because she now is mad at me. My reaction was kinda wtf and I really thought: What exactly is her problem? Does she really think we were best buddies or something like that? O.o" I wouldn't say that we were real friends, as I said above. So why can't she just... let go? Live and let live. .-."
Now I think I'm gonna lose all the friends I had in common with her, too. I'm not pessimistic, don't get me wrong, but the friend who sent me the message asked what I (!!) had done to her. He didn't ask what happened, he really asked what I had done... As if I'm the only one to blame.

And seriously, guys, this feels much worse than just losing a friend who tried to control me and make me as she wanted me to. .,." Now it's losing friends who I really liked and who I had lots of fun with - mostly without alcohol.
Sorry for being so whiny, but this feeling is just too much for me to handle at the moment X.x I know exactly that all the stress will continue for a few weeks now... And I surely got enough stress at the moment, so I don't need them to make things worse ~..~"

[Taco-Calamitous]

Are these other people willing to hear your side of the story? Explain to them what really happened. Hopefully, they will be willing to listen to your side of the story, as well. If not, or if they don't think that's a good enough reason, then... they're stupid, and hopefully they'll just get over it over time. Don't give up! Be persistent! Don't give in! Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Freya]

I don't know if he's willing to listen to my part of the story. But the way he wrote his message I got the feeling that he wanted to hear it from me, but he already thought that I was the one who was to blame for the argument we had. (Although we just talked like normal people do. O.o")
I haven't talked to them since breaking up with the other friend, and I thought that everything will end up being broken and nobody would care about what happened anymore. I got lots of other friends, I really don't need them. I just hate the feeling of being the idiot everyone hates for doing basically nothing. xD"
Thanks for your support! .,.

[Meigumi]

Hnn, I lost a friend once. When I was smaller, that is. 7, maybe?

A girl keeps following me around during recess and afterschool, and never bothered to make other friends. She keeps poking me, and, well, I had to cancel the fresh, friendly bridge. Lucklily, I moved right after that year, so I didn't have to feel worse.

Don't get me wrong. I'm very, VERY sensitive when it comes to socializing, and these were one of them. I'm not a bad person- I just don't want to be bothered often.

.....Am I a bad person?

[MossNoth]

I've lost friends before, yes. I know now that they weren't real friends, considering the way that each acted in the death throes of the the relationship, but it didn't hurt any less than pure, hollow agony each time.

The only medicine for the hurt that one feels when losing someone is time. Eventually, you move on and embark on new adventures with new people, and the hurt that you experienced is only a memory.

[Darkdragoon]

I thought i had friend's but... They just liked me because my brother killed himself... I thought they liked me for my personality... I was wrong... Wrong wrong wrong... :cry:

[Furore]

I pretty much agree with what Rocky said (except where it conflicts with the word of Joe if applicable).

It seems pretty stupid someone'll get pissy over not drinking as much alcohol as fast. Fair enough if you were acting like a bitch and not drinking anything while bitching about the evils of alcohol and acting holier than thou, but if you weren't, I don't know what your friend's problem is. I wouldn't take that shit standing down and neither should anyone.

All I can advise is one thing concerning the newer development. Talk to the friends who know you well about what happened and your feelings on it and if you're a decent sort, things'll turn out. I had an ex make up shit about me but unfortunately those she tried to turn against me knew me too well. Nice try girlie...

[Angantyr]

Friends come and go, some stay around forever and others just disappear out of the blue.

True friends don't try and control them or tell them what they should and shouldn't be doing, from the sounds of it your friend was just using you as an emotional dumpster of some sorts. These people need help but its not something you should have hanging on your shoulders.

[ekimeinna]

i agree with angantyr, friends come and go,

i think u what u did is right! i know that this is hard for u to lose your friend because of what affects u so much. If she is a right friend to u, then she will understand what's on your side, about your feelings and opinions about drinking...she should have let u comfty u know what i mean? if she is your real friend!

yah, in the first place, i feel that i was my fault when i lose a friend, but time goes by i realized that in this way, i learned on how to choose right friends in life, i learned how to get to know more a person, i learned how true he or she is, u know... but at same time i did my part to be a good friend if ever that he or she did'nt do the same way. So that's life....

i hope u find a real friend at this time....

[Darkdragoon]

i agree with angantyr, friends come and go,

i think u what u did is right! i know that this is hard for u to lose your friend because of what affects u so much. If she is a right friend to u, then she will understand what's on your side, about your feelings and opinions about drinking...she should have let u comfty u know what i mean? if she is your real friend!

yah, in the first place, i feel that i was my fault when i lose a friend, but time goes by i realized that in this way, i learned on how to choose right friends in life, i learned how to get to know more a person, i learned how true he or she is, u know... but at same time i did my part to be a good friend if ever that he or she did'nt do the same way. So that's life....

i hope u find a real friend at this time....

Yes i argee with you two, to. Friend's come and go...

[RinoaHeartillyAngel]

I know how it feels, it's always awful to lose a friend, even if it's not your fault...
I had a friend (best friend) since primary school but at Senior high school she started drinking and smoking and generally hanging out with the "bad guys" of the school and tried to act all cool when it was clear that everyone made fun of her. (I must add it was all for a boy...)
In the end she didn't listen to me and we stopped talking because she blamed me for not understanding her and being selfish and not wanting what's best for and other things like that...

I think you did what was the best for you. If she wants to live that way, she shouldn't wanna drag you down with her.
If she doesn't think like that, she clearly doesn't deserve to be called your friend.
I know it hurts at first, but you'll see there are people that really care for you and deserve to be your friends. Don't let a bad experience faze you.

~Noone can predict the future, there are no guarantees~
Nagia