Looks or Personality?

[Unknown Entity]

I re-read my last journal entry, and thought of this topic. It seems so many people I know in the last few months have said something along the line of it, both here and people I know in the flesh. So... I was just curious to what you guys and girls go for.

For those who don't know what on earth I'm on about (I'm sure you do lol), when you fall for someone, do you fall for their personality or looks? It might not even be over love - it could be what you look for in a friend?

Personally, it's kind of both, but leaning far over to the personality side of the person. I know, it is so easy to fall for someones looks, but after you get to know them, the crush seems to fade. To me, it's personality that I fall for in the long run. Someones looks don't tell you that you can trust them - unless they are a complete stranger to you, - personality does. So in a short way, you could say I like getting to know people before I allow any strong feelings to develop for them.

It's the same with my friends. I don't look around for the "hot" or popular looking people to chill with - I get to know people before I know who it is I like as a friend, or tust, or... so on.

Haha, I hope this wasn't a mistake, posting any of this doddle lol!

Sorwey if this has already been done, but I've not seen something like this in the last year... :S

[Chez Daja]

Both.

If I'm disgusted at the thought of having sex with somebody then it just won't work out. You could deny the importance of sex and physical attraction all you wanted, but in the end, we're all the same. We look for somebody who will be attractive to our personal preferences and we mate.

That said, if they don't have a similar sense of humour, I'll probably show them the door anyway. In a nutshell, both matter. I wouldn't say looks matter more than personality -- but I wouldn't say either is unimportant.

Usually, a sarcastic and slightly silly sense of humour attracts me to somebody. My personal standards in personality and looks determine the difference between 'friend' and 'potential lover'. That's just me being Captain Obvious for you.

[Fluffy]

Pretty sure it's been done, but it's probably been a while.

Anyway. I predict that the majority of people will say "it's a bit of both". That's just really how it tends to work. A few people lean more one way, a few lean the other.

Myself, I tend to lean more towards personality. But before you get to know someone, usually, looks are the only thing you have to make any kind of decision over. "Should I talk to him/her?" Looks will very often be the motivator, because you don't know their personality, unless if you've been around them for a while but simply not spoken to them.

It is the same for me for friends and romantic interests. My romantic interests develop from my friendships, so it's only natural. It is when I have gotten to know their personality, and I like it very much, that I will develop a romantic interest for the person.

I pretty much never approach a person based on looks. If I hear someone talking about something I find interesting, I may join in. If they're a lonely looking type of person, I may join them, because I enjoy the company of people who are like myself; people who don't like the company of too many. More often than not, it is because someone approaches me that a friendship may develop. Usually, these are people who seem to use the same criteria to determine whether they approach someone or not. Sometimes, they're just those who just talk to everyone, and that usually doesn't last long.

Rarely, I may approach someone based on how they look. But it isn't attractiveness that motivates me. It's simply a particular look. "That person looks like they might be someone I'd enjoy talking to." This usually isn't the more attractive people.

I hope that made sense.

[lottiepop]

Both are equally important, you have to be physically attracted to someone to fancy them in the first place I think. Then you can find out more about their personality and see whether you match up. If you don't move on and get over it, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

For me personally a guy has to have a good sense of humour, preferably like this:

"nah i dont mind, and yes, it is DEFINATLY my cup of tea, who doesnt like reading about naked teens being lashed for trying to escape the monastry where they are being kept as slaves by a load of dirty priests, thats like my porn, hahaha"

(It was about De Sade ok?! And coincidently I happen to like this guy and he's single. I should ask him out sometime...)

Anyway I still think you're attracted to someone first by their apparence, although I don't think it's more important, because a healthy long relationship is based somewhat on personality, it's simply just what happens.

[Rikkuffx]

I usually go more for personality then looks. Although looks are a plus,it's just not the 1st thing I look for. I will try to get to know him better and then judge i guess,or not even judge at all,I dont like judging people on anything. But I have been judged on my looks before and I know its not fair. But usually if they have a good personality im attracted to them in some way,if its physical or not. But i can be picky on what they look like too. Like,they deff have to be taller than me or it just wont work.
I feel like i'm rambling so i'm just gonna leave it at that.

[Maridia]

Both.

Anyone who says they only care about personality, sure it may sound good but you don't see models with 800lbs fatties. If you can't get interested in the person you're with you can't be honest with yourself since you know it won't work out. You have to like a person for what makes them who they are, but at the same time find attraction in both inner and outer selves, or it'll end poorly.

[OceanEyes28]

Man, I'm in it for the looks. Personality is for pusses. It don't matter anyway, because all we're gonna be doin is ****in. What, like I need to talk? Don't make me laugh all the way to the next sexy mother****er with no personality.

I'm surprised you had to ask, goddamn.

[Polk]

I guess personality. When you look like me, perfect 10's knock your door down every day.

It's hard being a sex machine.

[Furore]

Personality. While there's a good chance I mightn't want to date some people due to really repulsive traits or bad hygiene, ultimately I like personality. It don't fade so much with age I've noticed.

A lot of beautiful people are dicks, and I'm not the biggest fan of dicks.

[Voldnesis]

I have nothing against looks but being unsanitary and dirty turns me off a little.

When I was younger, I wanted to be more attractive than the next guy, but I grew to like the way I am. You got to appreciate who you are and focus more on your heart. Become a better person who can give more, not just to look more.

[Rocky]

Since serious dating never really happens until both people are at least 22 years old or older, I go first for the age, and then for the looks. I need someone who is at least twenty one years of age, so they can buy the beer for me. I don't have a fake ID, and with my new haircut, I look more like Mclovin over anyone else, so I need that as a feasible option. Not only that, but I need the girl to have a valid driver's license so when I get wasted, I can be driven home without a problem. Next, I need someone who is good-looking. Now, this is a debatable topic, as the said woman doesn't have to be a goddess by any means, but if that is not the case, then she better be supplying me with a damn good amount of alcohol. I'm sure it is probably a complicated concept to understand for a bunch of you younguns who have probably never been exposed to such a thing in your short and exciting lives, so I made a bar graph at the bottom of the page so you can understand what my thought process is going through.

I'm sure I shouldn't be telling people how to live their lives, but men, do yourself a favor and keep on keepin on in the looks department. Work out, shower, do whatever you have to so you can be good looking enough to get the girl of your dreams. If a girl says that she bases a man's personality moreso over anything else as a way for falling for someone, than the woman is either a liar or insecure, and believe me when I say you don't want to be someone like that in any case. There are other 'hidden' variables that are taken into consideration (much like my calculus homework), and personality has little if anything to do with it.

/wise sage advice

oh, and there's my bargraph. Study it well, future suitoresses of me, muahahahaha!

[Pete]

Rocky's a smart man. That chart is glorious

To be honest, I'm split fairly evenly between personality and looks, going maybe 55/45 favoring looks. I usually have to have some sort of physical attraction in order to really want to strike up a conversation with a girl. If shes boring, I'll actually just bounce, even if she's hot.

12 beers in is another story.

[Taco-Calamitous]

I predict that the majority of people will say "it's a bit of both".

Good prediction. Unless they're completely shallow or delusional (or just kidding!)

Looks attract me, but having an agreeable personality also attracts me. There was this one girl I knew one time who was pretty hot, but was also really mean and short with me, so she shortly took on traits of a witch; big nose, for example. But then she warmed up to me, and was nice. But I couldn't get past certain choices of hers in life, so I never really found her all that attractive. Yes, even though I described her as being "hot."

There was this other girl I knew who I thought was pretty; kinda reminded me of a cat. The more I got to know her, the more I realized she was also really nice and cool. Great combination! All that that was left was for her to tell me that she was some kinda crazy christian kid (not that that is essential if you're already awesome.)

There have also been girls I've become attracted to mostly because of their personalities; really nice and cute ("cute" to me being any number of things.) Most of them were no heavier than I am, though, or pretty in the face. So I suppose personality is slightly more important to me. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Sarah]

For me, it has to be both. I'd be selling myself short if I went any other way.

Initially, looks will attract me. However, I immediately have an assumption that anyone who is attractive is an idiot. (Okay... initial assumption that everyone is an idiot.) At that point, I dismiss them as potential until it can be proven to me that they are intelligent enough to have a deep conversation, share my sense of humor, and share my values.

I definitely need to connect to him or her physically and mentally. Otherwise, sex would suck and conversation would suck. Plus, nothing is better than being able to hang out with someone you like to have sex with and having sex with someone you like to hang out with.

[RamesesII]

I would say both mainly personality i knew my wife 6 months before i proposed to her we fell in love almost immediately we just fit together really good we have our fights but just as soon as they star they are over and we are in each others arms again but she is also the most beautiful person in my life besides my three children. For me there would have to be a physical attraction as well as a good personality.

[Clint]

Here's the psychological viewpoint. When anybody is first attracted to somebody, it's a physical attraction. The two people don't usually know each other emotionally, so they're working off of physical attraction to get the relationship off the ground. However, as their relationship grows, and they get to know each other, the two become emotionally attracted, and that's where relationships become serious. My answer is that attraction starts out physical, and grows to a point where physical attraction and emotional attraction balance each other out and work as equals.

[winterborn86]

I'm a bit of both really, just aslong as they have a sense of humour, cos I'm the type of person who likes to have a laugh

[nix]

Here's the psychological viewpoint. When anybody is first attracted to somebody, it's a physical attraction. The two people don't usually know each other emotionally, so they're working off of physical attraction to get the relationship off the ground. However, as their relationship grows, and they get to know each other, the two become emotionally attracted, and that's where relationships become serious. My answer is that attraction starts out physical, and grows to a point where physical attraction and emotional attraction balance each other out and work as equals.

I disagree to an extent, its not the only way to bed someone. Heck im a decent looker when i scrub up but ive scored women way out of my league due to my ability to drench people with laughter. And i know it wasn't down to my looks at these times, as they didnt even bat me a look up until i talked to them and soon after had them gut wrenching

I myself go for personality over looks, now in saying that i dont mean that someone with a face like a bag of hammers with an award winning personality will win me over. So many other things come into play before i get a "crush", sense of humor is a big part. Also weak minded people is a big turn off for me, like people who burst into tears for stupid reasons.

What im trying to say is that the road to true love is more complex than just the two categories mentioned

[nra4]

i go for ther looks so that u can get them b4 sum1 else does and u dont need to find out more about them

[Storm]

Looks get an initial reaction from me, but I fall for someone when I find out they have the right personality. If someone is a complete dickhead, no matter how attractive they seemed to be at first, they seem unattractive after.

As for ideals, I go for genuine people with a sense of humor, are caring, trustworthy, and are independant but will also spend time with me. For looks I tend to go for people who look a little different, normally with longish hair, nice eyes, and nicely defined facial features.

[Alice]

I go for personality mainly, but I do agree that looks do matter as well. You can love someone, but hey, saying they're beautiful when you really, really don't think so? I'm feeling braindead again sadly and I can't expand myself here...

...but I can say this. The most beautiful people can be bitches, the most ugliest people can be the nicest. Though, I think it is a matter of opinion. One person's beautiful can be one person's ugly and vice versa.

[RamesesII]

I go for personality mainly, but I do agree that looks do matter as well. You can love someone, but hey, saying they're beautiful when you really, really don't think so? I'm feeling braindead again sadly and I can't expand myself here...

...but I can say this. The most beautiful people can be bitches, the most ugliest people can be the nicest. Though, I think it is a matter of opinion. One person's beautiful can be one person's ugly and vice versa.

i agree with zeromune

[funkpilz]

Looks come first, but purely through instinct. Still, in the end, personality is infinitely more important to me.

[Clint]

Heck im a decent looker when i scrub up but ive scored women way out of my league due to my ability to drench people with laughter. And i know it wasn't down to my looks at these times, as they didnt even bat me a look up until i talked to them and soon after had them gut wrenching

What im trying to say is that the road to true love is more complex than just the two categories mentioned

Making somebody laugh builds an emotional connection between the two people. You said that they were out of your league, but you somehow still managed to make them fall for you. So by telling me this, you unconsciously put yourself into one of my two mentioned narrow categories, hence further proving my point that there are only two categories of attraction.

[nix]

Making somebody laugh builds an emotional connection between the two people. You said that they were out of your league, but you somehow still managed to make them fall for you. So by telling me this, you unconsciously put yourself into one of my two mentioned narrow categories, hence further proving my point that there are only two categories of attraction.

You said the first attraction is always physical, i was disagreeing with that statement. In my case it was my persona that did the leg work

[diaryofjane]

I honestly don't know. I keep to myself. But it would have to be both, looks and personality
Basically what I find in a friend.

[Clint]

You said the first attraction is always physical, i was disagreeing with that statement. In my case it was my persona that did the leg work

Women find humor attractive. Maybe I didn't put this clearly enough. If you're funny, you'll become more attractive to the woman, so technically, it still is a physical attraction first, because the only emotional side that they know of you is humor. So they get a slight emotional attraction, and that slight attraction makes the physical attraction greater. Plus, I'm pretty sure that those women weren't out of your league, because if you're able to score them, then how could they possibly be out of your league? Saying that somebody that you hooked up with is out of your league is kind of a contradictory thing to say.

[Angantyr]

Appearance and Personality go hand in hand in hand kind of like stereotypes but not to such major extremes. Ever wondered why people always talk about their eyes as being the windows to their souls? It's kind of true, you can read people from their eyes and body languages without saying a word to them (which is the internets downfall). Generally I base my attraction on appearance with a fair idea of what they're like personality wise.

[Exxdeath666]

As I may be accounted for as a cynic for saying such a thing, I believe looks are illusions created by the feeble and limited human psyche, and we try to convince ourselves that "natural" physical attraction is indeed the virtue love. All preferences are placed into our bodies from the moment we are created, and henceforth I for one would agree that looks mean absolutely nothing, because in the end, if the only quality we desire is that of a physically and sexually appealing member of the opposite gender, we are only deluding ourselves from what we were intended to focus ourselves on...

Personality is different from physical attraction; if you grow fond of one's personality before their looks, then you can truly notice the person's reactions towards events or difficult situations. If we marry one of the opposite sex because "he/she's handsome/hot", then we do not have any idea who the person is, just that we like what we see and not what we know. If the one we love is one whom we know and accurately predict, then chances are that you have made the correct choice indeed.

Thank you and have a wonderful rest of the evening!

[Lunasa]

Me? Personality. If you smile and are genuinely happy, I'd notice that first over looks. Though eye candy is nice to look at, I'd hate to let it distract me from someone with a warm personality. Sadly enough, it's the nicer guys who are hard to find because they are either taken, gay, or out of reach(geography-wise).