The Innocence of Kids

[Fate]

You know when you're young, and your parents make up those ridiculous "lies" to get you to do things? The other day, my sister was telling me a whole bunch of them, and they all sounded really funny. It's so funny how when we were little, we believed everything.

So, this thread is for sharing some of those strange "tales" that you were told as a kid, or some other funny ones that you've heard. It's to get a few good laughs.

[Taco-Calamitous]

I once had a baseball and a Mr. Potato Head hat that I put together to form "Mr. Bitch." I thought I had made up the word "bitch," so that is what I called it. My siblings and parents tried to tell me that it was called "Mr. Batch," but I was like "No! It's Mr. Bitch!" I don't remember them necessarily telling me that "bitch" was a bad word, so that's like an indirect story, kind of.

My siblings also told me our oldest brother wasn't actually our brother; that our real older brother fell over the fence, and that this imposter beat him up and took his place. I don't remember being told this, though; I was told that I was told this.

Seems like there should be a lot more, but I don't remember. I do remember being called "Thomas Cena Eddah," and not liking the "Cena" part because I thought it was a girl's name. So made up the story that "Cena got run over by a truck," and my brother compounded on the story, saying that our cat ran over him in a truck while she was going on a date with another cat. Anyhoo...

Wuv, Yer Mom

[Sasquatch]

Just the usual.

You know, like the time my dad told me that a jalepeno pepper tastes like bananas. It didn't.

Or the time he had me test the spark plug on the rototiller by holding the cable while he pulled the starter cord. It worked.

Or when my brother told me that "buh-TOHL-lay" was French for "butthole", and I called people "buttholé", thinking they wouldn't know what I was saying. They knew.

[RagnaToad]

When I was a kid I thought my dad must have had a lot of stupid friends. All of them had died or been injured by doing something stupid like locking yourself up in a driving car, picking up a fire cracker that wouldn't go off and thereby losing a finger, digging a tunnel on the beach and dying because it collapsed.

It was only when I told those things a couple of years ago to my dad's sister, jokingly mind you, that those stories turned out to be true. O_o Though it wasn't anything like all my dad's friends were stupid, those stories were all about someone my dad (and thus my dad's sister) had known in some way.

Creepy.

But yeah, parents tell a lot of crap.

I remember when I asked how my grandfather died to my mom. She was reluctant to describe how he had had a heart attack and had died shortly after in the hospital, so she said:

When you were a year old, he got some child disease from you and he couldn't take that. He died.

Imagine the guilt I felt for years...

My mom claims she would never tell me such a thing though, so it might have been my imagination. But I don't think it was.

[Clint]

I went to early elementary school in Delaware, and one of the assignments that my teacher had us look up when we went home one day was what the Cape May-Lewes Ferry was, since nobody in class seemed to know. So I went home and asked my dad. He told me that the Cape May-Lewes Ferry was a gay man (a fairy) that swam across the Delaware Bay. So I went into school, told my teacher that, and I got in a bit of trouble. As it turns out, the Cape May-Lewes Ferry is just a boat that takes people from Delaware to New Jersey.

[MILK]

well my christian name is Seth but my brothers would find a way to change the first letters into girls names....such as Beth they also called me Jeth which made no sense but PO'ed the hell out of me....and there was this old show witht he guy named Flim and had a twin brother was perfect and they would show how his brother turned off the TV with a remote and then Flim turned it off by throwing a brick at it...there was a particular episode where it said Flim likes raw meat.......and my brother's would torture me with that phrase over and over again though i don't know why....there were supposably cockroaches in my burrito's and toenails in my eggs(onions) which made me throw up frequently....my dad told me the eggs ones not my brothers..nice guy huh?

[Zardoch]

My sisters teased me a lot as a kid, but the only common lie I was told was that I was found under a rock after being left behind by aliens. To this day, it makes more sense to me than how I'm related to this family whom barely have anything in common with anything I like or do. Either that or they are the aliens under this mid-western redneck disguise. I must investigate.

[Chez Daja]

Hahah, my mother used to tell my sister that potatoes were made of pasta. Pasta was her favourite food and she wouldn't eat her veg unless she was told it had pasta in it.

When my sister was at school, for some reason, somebody asked her how old her mother was. When she came home and asked, mum joked that she was 24 and an ex supermodel. Sister went to school and told all the kids who told their parents. My mother was humiliated.

I used to tell my brother we found him in a box on our doorstep and mum felt so bad that she just took him in.

One time, when my sister and I were little, we decided to play a game of who could make up the funniest word. So we did this for a while, and then my sister suddenly screams "SPUNK!" and start laughing like a crazed chipmunk. Obviously we were too young to know it's meaning, but we thought it was the funniest thing ever, being 4 and a 6 in age. I think the reason I remember that is because my parents kept telling us not to say it; when I grew up and heard it again, I realised what it meant. Hahaha.

When my sister and I were little, we went through a phase of playing with this plastic monkey. One night, we were playing and our parents sent us out of the room for being so loud. So we went to go and play somewhere else. We were being really noisy so my mother bursts into the room and tells us to get our shoes on. We get our shoes on and she gets us into the car. It was nighttime, really dark and Winter. She drove to the deserted part of town where it's all dank factories and she told us that one of the buildings was an adoption centre and if we didn't shut up, she'd take us in to be adopted. My sister started crying, but I was a pretty stubborn child, so I told her I didn't care and she could do what she wanted. My sister started howling in fear saying "no Daisy! Come home please! We'll just have to be quiet!" haha. Pretty weird thinking back on that. It got us to be quiet, though.

[Sato Arashi]

To me, it differs parents to parents, some are a bit protective (or overprotective), and some are those who actually shows the truth in some form. In my case, my parents tells me the truth, plus considering I ain't childish in the matter of making some reactions in disgusting tones. The one thing that makes me wonder, why some parents still lie despite that the fact that, which you all proven, the truth will be seen by the child eventually?

But here's my funny tale, I used to make fun out of my baby sister who's 10 years younger than I am. We were having pasta, and I told my sister that they were worms waiting to be eaten. The reaction was great, but I payed the price with a whack from my parents for telling that.