If one's ambition in life is to merely get kicked in the gonads, one doesn't need a girlfriend for that. I'm sure there are several women out there willing to kick you in such a manner, you just gotta say and do the right things.

If you haven't been kicked in the nuts enough for your taste, you're obviously too nice to them. Stop being a pansypants and start acting like a chauvinistic tard. Might even help if they are professed lesbians.