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Thread: I almost shoplifted the other day...

  1. #1

    I almost shoplifted the other day...

    I feel really bad, I was at a clothing store the other day, but I'm really poor so I couldn't buy anything. I saw this really cute dress and so I grabbed it and brought it in the dressing room with me. It had these fairly long straps that go over your shoulders, so I got undressed in the dressing room and tied the straps really tight around my testicles. It actually hurt really bad, well before I left the store, I just couldn't bring myself to steal, even though I could have gotten away with it. So I went back into the dressing room and OH GOD! I tied it so tight around my testicles that I couldn't get it off, it took me a few minutes, and my testicles were turning purple due to lack of blood. I was so scared, but I finally managed to untie the strings that damn near managed to castrate me.

    Has anyone here been in a similar situation? And what would you do if you walked into a the changing room and saw a guy with a dress tied around his family jewels so tight that it was cutting off circulation to his balls?
    Last edited by iamagod; 04-10-2012 at 10:00 AM.

  2. #2
    #LOCKE4GOD I almost shoplifted the other day... Alpha's Avatar
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    Re: I almost shoplifted the other day...

    ...why are people here so fascinated with testicles?


  3. #3
    Registered Goober I almost shoplifted the other day... Order's Avatar
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    Re: I almost shoplifted the other day...

    Get a job, you oxygen wasting slouch.
    Keep your fetishes and sexuality behind closed doors, you inconsiderate ass.
    Stop stealing crap you don't need, you dirtbag.

  4. #4
    TFF's Resident Messenger I almost shoplifted the other day... Michael Swayne's Avatar
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    Re: I almost shoplifted the other day...

    Now, what you do is your business, but lately it seems like you don't deserve to have testicles. Dude, you can't be doing that kind of stuff to them. Now, I am no doctor, but it can't be healthy to be putting your "parts" in these kinds of situations either.

    As for the dress thing, wear whatever makes you comfortable. I have a male cousin who is a professional drag queen, so it doesn't bother me. But if you want to do these things like getting kicked or straining yourself in that way, you might as well go all the way and get the whole unit surgically removed.

    (There were a few words in that post that I thought I would never type out ever in my life.)

    Oh yeah, you asked a question. No, I have never been in that situation. And I wouldn't walk in a dressing room if a person was already in it. The DR's around here are separated by gender, and are supervised by staff. And they wouldn't let a walking-in-on situation occur.
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    Soup Kitchen Jerk. I almost shoplifted the other day... Polk's Avatar
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    Re: I almost shoplifted the other day...

    It's a troll account. Don't respond to them, just report.
    Let's go into the "archives" in "Washington D.C." and find out how people "masturbated" in the "roaring 20's."

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  6. #6
    Memento RK I almost shoplifted the other day... Yoko's Avatar
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    Re: I almost shoplifted the other day...

    Quote Originally Posted by Polk View Post
    It's a troll account. Don't respond to them, just report.
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    Re: I almost shoplifted the other day...

    Quote Originally Posted by Polk View Post
    It's a troll account. Don't respond to them, just report.
    What the? I'm not a troll.

  8. #8
    Chief Inspiring Officer I almost shoplifted the other day... Cyanist's Avatar
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    Re: I almost shoplifted the other day...

    I have had the urge to just grab things on some occasions. Particularly after wandering through junkyards, stooping for small change, which I've been doing a lot of. (albeit, singing Gollum's juicy-sweet-fish song to scare Mexicans away.) long story short, control yourself, fool. There are worse things than being poor.
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  9. #9
    The pizza guy! Meier Link's Avatar
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    Re: I almost shoplifted the other day...

    Starting to seriously what you obcession with male genitaila is. Seriously though, thread closed. Quit trolling.
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