Give Up FF For A Loved One?

[Secret Weapon]

This concept just came up recently and I want to know you guys' opinions, because I'm stumped like a chopped down forest -__-...... SERIOUSLY. I'll hear yours first then I'll give my ASSURED reply.

Why I'm so stupified is that FF7 has been there for me and gave me it's warm shoulder while even my family members gave me a frigid one (that's WHEN they paid attention to what I had to say).

[Chez Daja]

I've never found a reason why my boyfriend wouldn't want me playing Final Fantasy. If he asked me to give it up for good (the few times every couple of years that I actually play it), I'd tell him to grow up. He's twenty-three for Christ sake.

He's happy whenever I am, so he encourages me to play more games and have more fun. He would get upset if we didn't talk everyday, though, so I suppose if I was playing FF so much that I didn't come online or call him everyday, he would probably ask me if I would spend some time with him.

In your case, I would ask my family why playing FF is such a big deal.

[Meier Link]

I catch alot of critism from my wife for the games I play even ones outside of teh FF relm, but she knows it is a part of me and it has been so since before me and her got together. I would give up cigerettes before giving up my FF and she knows that. But we did have to come to a comprimise. So in turn I agreed to only play when she has fallen asleep or in process of falling asleep (I stay up a few hours after she is down for the night) or at any other point that doesn't take away from the family life. So I can still get in about 15 hours a week if I feel like it and she gets what she wants which is me.
Thats just my 2 cents on the subject.

[Secret Weapon]

NO, it's not them. It's the same in your case. My girlfriend just came out of nowhere and said that she didn't want me playing FF 7 no more. She gave me a good morale reason though. I told her that 7 helped me deal with some of my past issues and that it help me mold certain major parts of myself into the person that I am today. Then, she said that she don't want me to be lingering in the past and that I find confusing because that's not how I feel when I play it. But I think what she is trying to tell me is that I should give it up because ((I play it everyday and that is a fact) In my terms) it places me in a void in which I am dwelling in the past and reminising on the feeling/devotion that I have for it. In summary, she wants me to focus my feelings+mind on whats in front of me future-wise (her in general).

She's putting me at a standpoint where she's making me choose. Her or the game; the outcome of choosing the game is obvious. Choosing her results losing something that was like my tutor and showed me pathways of which I can walk better then a physichiatrist could tell you. N losing either one of them makes me go then . I love them both very much...

[Govinda]

My boyfriend encouraged me to stop playing FF. Now, I see why, and I thank him. As far as I'm concerned, those games are for adolescents and them alone.

Maybe you could try replacing FF7 with something else? I know it might seem like an old friend, but there are other ways to occupy your mind, and they can often be far more productive. She's just asking you to grow up a little, that's all.

[Sinister]

First of all...I have to say, man...none of that made sense to me.

FF7 is a game. I'll even go so far as to say a great game.(Personally, my favorite of the FF series) But, I think one or both of you are taking it for way more than it's worth. If it's something that you just sit down and peck through when you're feeling down. Then that's an idiosyncrasy and part of who you are. She'll just have to deal with it in her own way instead of forcing you to change.

However! If you are obsessing over it and playing it instead of eating, drinking, paying attention to her or sleeping. Then...well...maybe you should shorten your play time and do something else, just to change things up. Read a book, watch a good movie with her...ect... That's not to say that you can't indulge in the occasional Olympian FF gaming stretches of 6-7 hours. Just maybe three or four times a year...when the situation is appropriate.


Those are my thoughts, anyway. Good luck with that.

-Sin

[Halie]

Well, you could try and compromise things. Maybe like Meier does, play it only at times when you won't be missing out on time with your girlfriend. Then she shouldn't have a problem.

----------

To be honest, I wouldn't really mind if a loved one asked me to give FF up. I've already played a some of them quite a few times, so it wouldn't really bother me. I'd think of it as silly if they did ask me, though, because it is only a game series, nothing that should affect a relationship or friendship.

I honestly don't think I'd have that problem with my boyfriend, though. We both love FF, so... yay. ^^;

[Secret Weapon]

BUT YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! She IS GOING to break it!!! Like.... literally smash it to pieces in front of my face and she wants me to bring it to her on Friday when I go see her. I understand and have come up with my decision and I'm willing to stop but does she HAVE to break it???!!! I'm trying to come up with some methods in which it doesn't have to result to that but, If I push her buttons... she'll think I'm not ready for her or that I'm not willing to do ANYTHING for her like I tell her I would. Just blowing stuff out of proportion and rubbing things in my face that ARE NOT intended. Relationships .... -_-

[Meier Link]

Umm is she willing to do ANYthing for you in return besides just be with you? If not you are getting the short end of the stick you loose one of the 2 things you love. There is not a happy medium there, which she should be willing to meet you half way if she loves you as much as you love her. Like I said previously its about a comprimise thats what long lasting relationships are about.

[Secret Weapon]

MAN, you know how women are. It's like you got to swim from the start of the Nile River and back just to show em that you care and that you are a liable consolement when they NEED you. Basically, she's waiting for me to make my big heroic action so she can jump into my arms (knowing that they're open that is). I'm not crying about it but damn why does she have to hit a part of me I'm attached to so hard? I know she is willing but she just afraid because she didn't have a so-so foundation of relationships and I'm her lab rat.

[Chez Daja]

BUT YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! She IS GOING to break it!!! Like.... literally smash it to pieces in front of my face and she wants me to bring it to her on Friday when I go see her.

Tell her to shut up and grow a pair. She is a complete twat. No offense.

I agree with Sin... only problem is if you play it constantly. Try to quit playing everyday, though. Just play every week or so.

I dislike FF7, but I'll still have a little play on FF8 or 9 if I get so bored that I want to twat myself around the head with an iron.

As for taking it to her house, don't do it. That's stupid. If she breaks your game, break something she likes. It's childish, sure. But it'd let her know how much of a div she's being.

Basically, she's waiting for me to make my big heroic action so she can jump into my arms (knowing that they're open that is).

Okay, judging from that, you seriously DO need to cut down on the game a little.

[loner-kid]

regardless of any and all emotional ties to the game you have don't let her break it, it's just stupid and pathetic for your girlfriend to make an ultimation like that. Cutting down or to stop playing it are far more reasonable. To say that it has to be broken, in my opinion, shows that she doesn't/wont believe in your determination to do the reasonable thing

[Secret Weapon]

NO!!! I didn't mean it like that! She's been acting this way ever since I asked her why doesn't she share her feelings with me (or tell me how she feels and etc.). It's just, she SPRUNG this on me outta nowhere today. I WANT to prove her that I will do anything for her so that's why I AM going to stop playing it for her. I know of her reason for it, it's just hard for me to part from something that made me majorily of who I am. Also, her reason for trying to break is perfectly logical (as far as her method). She wants me to let go and (in similarity of which she does to the game) crush/dispose of the memories I possess = FF7. Basically letting go that part of myself (she feels) will allow me to emphasize more on the positions I put certain people entirely without a doubt or being side-tracked of it roaming or surrounding myself in my past time.

In which I am more then willing to do for her because I love her. But, that's not the universal case here (as far as dismembering it). I'll stop playing as I do now but allowing her to do that to my memories is out of the question.

[Sarah]

Anyone who tries to change you or take away a part of what has made you happy does not really love you. If you love a person, you accept every part of them, regardless. You are the only person who can ever decide to make a change.

I don't understand how any form of that game being in your life is going to ruin your relationship with her. It sounds to me like she is trying to control you. What will be next after that? She doesn't like the way you dress? She doesn't like the music you listen to? She doesn't like the friends you have? She doesn't like your family? She wants you to throw out everything and have only her? Learn when to say no.

Now, I can understand trying to change behavior. That is understandable, as that's something that can be destructive. However, cutting games completely out of your life isn't going to help. You'll substitute it with something else to help distract you from whatever thing is bothering you. It sounds to me like it will end up being her. That is in no way healthy. You have to find ways within yourself to primarily deal with your issues, then turn to others when it is too much.

Let me explain the differences between trying to change behaviors and trying to change a person, as I know this confuses a lot of people. Here are a few examples.

Changing behaviors
*Asking or helping to quit smoking.
*Asking to change poor eating/ fitness choices.
*Changing a person's usage of time, AKA time management.
*Asking someone to be more aware of surroundings, including people.
*Asking someone to help out- be it with housework, giving an ear to listen and shoulder to lean on, time spent, et cetera.

Changing the person
*Asking to give up beliefs.
*Asking to give up interests.
*Asking to give up friends.
*Asking to change how you go about your life.

If someone loves you, they will always be willing to compromise. Someone who wants to control you will only deal in absolutes.

I would also like to address something else. I'd like to address the concept that only "this" or "that" is only for people "a" or "b", "adults" or "young people." There is nothing more grown up than accepting what you like, regardless of what the people around you say you should be. Giving in to peer pressure is absolutely the most adolescent thing you can do. If you like games, toys, cartoons, whatever, you like them. Who cares if people say that as an adult you should be unhappy, pissed off, and sit on your ass, eat lots of food, and watch American Idol?

Another thing that is a mark of a mature person is knowing moderation. Know when you have time to spend on your interests, and know when time should be spent with or helping the people in your life. Talk it over, as well, in order to reach compromise and keep moderation. Moderation is the key to life, after all.

(If you do actually have issues from the past to deal with, though, I would recommend talking it out when you can, whether with loved ones or a professional. If a game just reminds you of the past, that's nostalgia. I don't see what's wrong with that, as long as you can differentiate between now and then.)

[Lightning228]

i think that final fantasy vii is coming to ps3 it is great because i love that game and with agito versus and xiii its the best combo ever ^^

[winterborn86]

I don't mean this in a nasty way but your girlfriend should grow up a bit, its very silly to make you give her the game just so she can break it.
She maybe feeling a bit neglected that you play FF7 so much, but its still no excuse for her behavior.
You say that she has just recently sprung hings upon you right?, have you tried siting down with her and having a heart to heart talk about why she suddenly become like this?

[Pete]

Way to be completely irrelevant there, lightning.

I think that you need to work out your own issues first of all. It sounds like you play FFVII a little too much, and it might be a good idea if you cut back a little bit. Now, that does not mean you let a girl destroy the game on you. That's just fucked up first of all, and it is NOT going to affect you psychologically. That shit only works in movies. You won't be magically brought back into the "real world" and be the man that she wants you to be. Sorry, that's not gonna happen. At best, you won't play it, and will be annoyed that she broke it. At worst, you'll just buy it again, smack her for being a cunt, and break it off with her.

Honestly though, psychology just doesn't work like that, except if you are actually addicted to the game. That's a call that I can't make. Memories won't go away with the mere destruction of a game.

Like so many others have said, love is NOT completely changing who you are for a person. It might be changing aspects, such as giving up smoking or making yourself physically healthier, but it is not giving up friends, hobbies or beliefs.

Girls who need to see big heroic actions are girls who you don't need to be around. You'll have to keep topping the last action with an even bigger one, or else you "don't love her." Girls like this are stupid. Trust me, I dealt with an ex who did the exact same thing. Letting her break something of yours just establishes her dominance in the relationship. Neither of you should be dominant, you should SHARE and communicate. Breaking the game is her ways of trying to psychologically break you. It's something you love; she has no right to take that away from you.

Don't bring the game when you see her, instead talk to her and tell her that while you like the game, you are not willing to allow her to destroy it. If she can't get that through her head, kick her to the curb, she's not worth it.

Honestly, if you can't compromise with her, then tell her to get lost, she isn't worth it.

[Phantom]

Ok, time for my two cents...*clears throat*


My advice to you my friend, is as Pete suggested:


Don't bring the game when you see her, instead talk to her and tell her that while you like the game, you are not willing to allow her to destroy it. If she can't get that through her head, kick her to the curb, she's not worth it.


Pete, you pretty much took the words right out of my mouth. She's not worth it. And to break something that you love just so she can get love, is patheic.

All she wants is attention. I'm not saying all but some or most women want attention, in fact some crave it to the point that they'll do ANYTHING to get it. Don't take the bait SW, this is some very friendly advice, DON'T let her dominate you, like Pete said: A relationship is about Sharing and Communicating with your spouse.

If anything reduce the amount of time you spend on FFVII, but don't let her break your stuff. If she does then she is just being the female version of a douchebag. Don't let her control you, stand up for yourself, and what you want.

If she can't accept that then, she doesn't really love you, all she wants is attention. I'd dump her ass on the sidewalk, if she doesn't accept that.

[Jin]

Way to be completely irrelevant there, lightning.

That's exactly what I was thinking, right, but when you think about it, that post was the most intelligent post in the thread so far simply because it had nothing to do with this topic.

Seriously, what kind of made up problem is this? Every time I see a member of this forum make a thread that's 1 part Final Fantasy and 1 part relationship, I feel ashamed that I play the games.

Even Miss Lonely Hearts would scoff at this.

[Pete]

Seriously, what kind of made up problem is this? Every time I see a member of this forum make a thread that's 1 part Final Fantasy and 1 part relationship, I feel ashamed that I play the games.

The thing is, a lot of people can't balance the whole real world and video game world deal. Throw in an addictive personality and someone who doesn't get a lot of girls thrown their way due to the two aforementioned scenarios, and you wind up with someone clingy and willing to do anything to keep the girl. Throw in some more parallels from the video games, and you have the scenario we're dealing with.

It doesn't help that she's got his balls in a vice grip.


But alas. If everything is in moderation, then there should never be any problems. People who play the games, more often than not can get a wee bit obsessed, which leads to uhhh social problems. I'm not saying everyone here, but you can tell easily enough.

[Unknown Entity]

Let me gets this staight. She wants you to stop playing FFVII AND THEN she wants to BREAK IT!? O_o

Isn't just locking the disc away for a few days a week enough? She is going to far. Fair enough, if my boyfriend played game ALL the time, I'd be a little on the... spend more time with me side, BUT I wouldn't want him to give up something he loves and see him unhappy about it. I certainly wouldn't break the damn disc.

AND ITS FFVII!!! I know you LOVE that game and I'm the other side of the bloomin' world! Jeese, if she loves you, she wouldn't force anything you didn't want to do. MEH!

Maybe you could show her why you like it? Get her to play it? She may get into it after a few plays. Even if you have to get the duck tape out, and tape her to the chair to watch.

[OceanEyes28]

A girlfriend demanding to break something of monetary value seems awfully silly to me. And the fact that this is even a problem between the two of you is equally ridiculous. It's a videogame, man. If she comes over and wants to spend time with you, take the opportunity to interact with another human being and turn it off.

But if she really is the kind of person who would break your possessions to get what she wants, you might want to find a new lady.

[Secret Weapon]

OK EVERYONE!!! We FINALLY came up with a solution! I was talking to her yesterday and we were discussing the contemplation. She asked me why am I so attached to FF7 so much that I say it's a part of me. So, I told her that the main character (Cloud) and me are similar in many aspects. I told her that Cloud had to go through many tribulations in order to uncover the veil to his true self and even after all those obstacles plus the people that were tooken away from him, he still had the courage to fight on and not let all that affect him reaching his goals (basically not lingering in the past-time).

She understood where I was coming from, but she still wanted to break. After awhile, guilt came over her and she decided to let me keep it; to (as she says) dispose of it on my own terms.

OceanEyes28 said:

A girlfriend demanding to break something of monetary value seems awfully silly to me. And the fact that this is even a problem between the two of you is equally ridiculous. It's a videogame, man. If she comes over and wants to spend time with you, take the opportunity to interact with another human being and turn it off.

Yeah it is, but she was the one acting ridiculous!

[winterborn86]

Im glad that you two have cleared the air a bit, and it's good that she understands, as for breaking the game, she says destroy it on your own terms, but you shouldn't feel like you have to do it just to please her.

[Secret Weapon]

I know auntie. She's just one of the many females who wants the spotlight on her even in the night-time. She feels pretty happy now (then from before) but I'll TRY to cut the time consumption that FF7 takes outta me. Really, I have been plaing it a lot. Outta the fact because I'm trying to 100% complete everything there is to do on FF7. One thing I have never done on there was find the Added-Cut materia and I found it!

But other then that, she feels pretty satisfied I'm willing+able to do anything for her. She just hates the fact that I play it a least once a day. BUT, I won't be doing that no more (At least until I wanna start over again). And I know she'll be doing her job asking me what I'm doing EVERYTIME she gets back from her college classes and I call her.

[Chez Daja]

So, I told her that the main character (Cloud) and me are similar in many aspects. I told her that Cloud had to go through many tribulations in order to uncover the veil to his true self and even after all those obstacles plus the people that were tooken away from him, he still had the courage to fight on and not let all that affect him reaching his goals (basically not lingering in the past-time).

See, this is what makes me think your girlfriend could have a point. No, I don't agree with what she's asking you to do, but if you're that obsessed with it, you definately need to stop playing it so much. Your behavior is somewhat frightening.
I'm sure this will be easily fixed by withdrawing such massive playtime, though.

Still, let her know you won't be destroying it... just taking breaks from playing it so often.

Best of luck!

[Polk]

Yeah it is, but she was the one acting ridiculous!

No, you were both being ridiculous. If she's willing to go this far, as to take away something that was separating you two, tells me that you're not satisfying her needs, even possibly neglecting her in the process. Unless she's a drama queen, and she'll do anything just to get your attention. I admit, this is a total possibility, but either way, you both have to work on your relationship, instead of you working on 100% completion on Final Fantasy 7.

As for the question for me, if my family or significant other found probable cause that video games were ruining my life, I'd love for them to confront me about it. I'd make a lifestyle change to appease them because IT'S A ****ING VIDEO GAME. But my girlfriend would never say anything to come between me and my video games.

Then again, my girlfriend's a pillow, so I might not be the best authority on the subject. Shh, it's okay Jenna Fischer, I still love you.

[Secret Weapon]

Polk said:

No, you were both being ridiculous. If she's willing to go this far, as to take away something that was separating you two, tells me that you're not satisfying her needs, even possibly neglecting her in the process. Unless she's a drama queen, and she'll do anything just to get your attention. I admit, this is a total possibility, but either way, you both have to work on your relationship, instead of you working on 100% completion on Final Fantasy 7.

NO!!! Our relationship is not in turmoil! This is how it happened. I was playing FF7 and when I had called her, she asked me what I was doing. I told her that FF7 is what I'm playing+doing. Then outta nowhere, she said she was going to break it. This was all before I told her what it meant to me. If you were reading my earlier posts, you would've seen I said that,

Secret Weapon said:

She's just one of the many females who wants the spotlight on her even in the night-time

I know how to tend to my relationships when I feel negativity in the surrounding. And to give you a summarization of all that, she is somewhat of a drama queen when she wants attention/wants me to tell her something. That reason is why I don't play games when we're talking (almost not doing anything 4 that matter).

[darkViVi]

*Releases 15 gargoyles in the thread*

*They kill everyone*
(Admin's fault)

[Unknown Entity]

Hey, thats good it all been sorted out bro. Yeah, it was a silly little argument, but silly little arguments lead to big ones if its not cleared. I still think you should make her play it though...

But seriously, you need to take a break from FFVII. Just maybe a week, or even a few days. Spend some time with your girlfriend. Your saved data will still be there when you get back. I know its hard (haha, I'm a FFVII addict too LOL!), but a break will do you good.