Dominant or Passive? Which Are You?

[Dimi]

As my question had stated, when it comes into being a relationship with someone are you the more dominant or passive one?

With me, I tend to be the more dominant one when I'm seeing someone. I like being in control. Who doesn't? It feels good. But not to the point where I'm a control freak or extremely controlling of our relationship. There are times when I become passive. I like to go with the flow on certain things or give in to certain needs.

(Poll will be up in a second.)

[vevuxking102]

I'm passive, I guess. I could never dominate anyone in any form of relationship, ever.

[Chez Daja]

I can be either. I'm not sure whether you're talking sex or not, but it's good to mix and match moods with that special someone, right?

In any case... Uh, I can be bossy sometimes, if I see no logic in an idea or something. I'm not usually a really too domineering. Andrew and I are both fairly laid back and compromise on things. Of course, Andrew's older and knows more about some things, so naturally, if we're going anywhere, I let him sort out transport and day planning... So passive in that aspect. He enjoys that role.

[Govinda]

I'd have to say I'm dominant. I do not take crap, but I won't give it either, unless provoked. To be completely honest I don't know how my boyfriend puts up with me.

I've noticed something though. The roles in a relationship tend to reverse when in bed. My best friend lets her man basically control their relationship, but the second they're at it, she is completely in charge of him. He likes to have her in control of that one situation. And also in charge of coffee, since she can't make it for shit.

I'm probably a bit of both. Evan is in charge of: travel, technology, keeping me relatively stable and sane, games, and sex. I am in charge of the rest of it. But sometimes sex. Depends.

Screw this.

What Chez said.

[Rainbow4vr]

Most definitly dominant! Im all around dominant. I even dated a pro domm once, it didnt work cuz we would butt heads alot cuz we were so alike lol

[Walter Sobchak]

Don't you mean, am I a top or a bottom? I'm a switch!

It really depends on age and intelligence level. My last girlfriend was older and smart, so I always deferred to her. My current girl is about my age and isn't as bright, so it is sort of understood that I am in control.

Of course, this is only in general things, like suggesting where we go and initiating things. In both relationships, both parties have a say as to what actually happens.

[ChloChloAriadne]

XD I knew you'd make it, Squish!

It really depends... And quite oddly enough, on what gender the person I'm with is. I know that might sound a bit.. sexist or something, but it's true ><.

With my last girlfriend Jae it was probably more an even mix than anything, but I tended to be the dominant one in all aspects.

But then when I'm with.. Any guy, really, I tend to be extremely passive/submissive. Probably to a dangerous extent at times, to be honest, a little too "I'll do whatever you want me to.". And it actually does annoy some guys ><. I've come accross some that'll call me an absolute doormat.

But then it's not something I dislike, I'd far rather be ordered around than be the one in charge. That's just me.

[Furore]

I voted both. I can be a real lazy SOB at times, and tend to be the passive one in a relationship, but outside of that I don't really take crap from anyone. Real life anyways.

But yeah don't last long in some parts if you're a passive sort.

[TC]

Meh. When it comes to my relationships, I always seem to be on this annoying "I want to please you" trips and so I just end up being completely passive. It's almost to the point where 'I don't care'...but I do care...about the person...but when it comes to decisions that need to be made, I'm down for whatever she wants to do.

So I'm passive. Definitely.

[Yuki-onna]

Mmm I guess it depends...I chose both, because I'm more of a person who solves problems from a distance. I avoid conflict, and I shy from harsh words. But that's only one aspect; I rather do stuff together. Compromise and decide on things. I'm open to suggestion, but I like suggesting too. I don't try to control the other, change them or force myself upon them.

I'm still a paranoid person. If someone says to me "You need to do this or that" I freak the **** out. You CAN'T tell my what to do and I don't tolerate it. So I don't let people force me into things. In that aspect I can be dominant, as in Do NOT tell me what to do.

But hey...my relationships usually don't last very long...so I get into the smooth part, casual, no real bonds...then BAM! The end.

[Violet]

I lean towards the passive side, but I'm a mixture of both, really. Back then, I let everyone trample on me without giving in to any fights. I was that quiet kid in the corner who looked spooky or depressed all the time(I just wanted to be left alone). However, now, I can stand up for myself and can't stand being treated like some sort of pushover. But I do still try to avoid as much conflict as possible.

[Sean]

I can be sort of in between, but overall in life I'm a passive individual.

My career dictates I need to be a more dominant and demanding person, which I've been working on as of late.

In my past relationships I've always been passive about figuring out what to do, more of a "whatever you want, honey" type of person, but in arguements or if there was something I really wanted to do, I became dominant.

[OceanEyes28]

In my current relationship, I'd say I'm usually the dominant one when it comes to things like making little decisions and deciding what we do. I ask Daniel for his opinion ALL the time, but usually he's happy with whatever I decide.

Overall, we're a little of both, though, because neither one of us wants to be in charge all the time. Sometimes I need someone to take care of me and make me feel better, and other times, he has that need. I just do what's needed at the time.

As far as intimate stuff goes, we switch roles for that too. It's a pretty sweet deal.

[Be-Hive]

I'm a bit of both I guess, I want the best for my girlfriend but sometimes I get sick of the crap I have to go through. And I also like doing things she wants to but when she dislikes everything I like to do then thats crappy.

[Phantom]

I would have to say I'm alittle bit of both actually. Through I can be a wild dog sometimes, my boyfriend knows most of all XD. Through I think I'm abit more dominant then passive, but I diffinitely can be a total bottom (passive lol) whenever he wants his turn lol.

[Priscilla]

With any relationship let it be family or friends i'm extremely dominant. I don't take anything and I get to do what I think is best.

But with relationships i'm extremely passive, Especially in the one I am in currently. I'm not sure I even want to be in the relationship but I would rather not hurt him and besides he is extremely dominant. We go where he goes, We eat what he wants, Pretty much he gets what he wants when he wants and if he doesn't want to see me for weeks then he doesn't see me.

That's just how it works.

[Hell's-sword]

I would rather take controle than be ordord arownd no matter where i am so i would have to say i am a dominant mail haha :-)

[Unknown Entity]

I'm a bit of both... i don't like being leader (it makes me feel bitchy), but i don't like being follower (it makes me feel used) if you get what i mean. its an odd one. i guess i could turn dominant if my partner is being a total d**k head, but then i guess i could turn passive if i agree with something... lol!

[Sinister]

An excellent thread. Most everything in life can be reduced to this question of dominance and passivity.

In relationships and generally socially. I tend to be passive. Passive isn't really the word I would choose though. Because "passive" implies a submissive behavior, which is not how I am. I tend to be on the outside looking in. In relationships, I am definitely not dominant, nor do I care to be. Socially, I am not passive. I'm more...separate.


-Sin

[Rasler+]

I'm a big, PASSIVE bastard.

I can't remember a time when I was in control. I do my best to avoid conflicts so I let people push me around most of the time, which is why they keep pushing me around until now. This went on since I was a little kid and sadly, it goes on even up til today.

I guess I was just born with it. Cause I'm not really used to taking command of others. It just didn't occur to me despite being a part of the Honor Guards (something like military school) at school. Oh well.

[winterborn86]

I def wear the pants in my relationship, altho my partner will neva admit it, he always tries 2make himself look like the 1 in charge but nah iam, i always get my way and he willl do wot i say coz i put my parts on if he dnt lol

[Halie]

I can be very dominant when I want to be, and when I need to be. I'm the type of person who sticks to her own opinion, and softly ignores others opinions unless they are quite similar to mine, or actually do have a valid point to their opinion. I'll listen to other views, but very rarely do I ever take them into consideration, haha. I usually make people do things my way in a situation.

Although, I'd say I'm not as dominant in a relationship as I am in friendships, or with my family and such. And with my current boyfriend, I don't think I've really needed to be dominant...but I dunno...O.o...

[Rinoa.Heartilly]

Well as a person I'm pretty easy-going, so whether I'm in control of the situation or not its not too much trouble to me. But if I'm clearly better at something, I will want to dominate, but at the same time I'll step down as well.

As a girlfriend it really depends on the guy. A guy without a backbone is more likely to e controlled by me. Personally I'm happy with the power struggle between me and my boyfriend. We really don't argue its that we naturally take roles.

In sex, I'm usually in charge. Even now I am. I call the shots and positions, but only because I was his first and I'm a bit more experienced. Every now he has total control (foreplay usually).

[che]

I gotta do both. I like to find that balance of not being a control freak and still being able to be spontaneous and plan shit for us to do. I cannot be controlled, but I also don't need to be.

[Rocky]

I can be either/or but I'm more suited and comfortable with being passive. It's wierd because I've never had a mostly dominant girlfriend even though I'd much rather sit back and not have to be in charge of everything all the time. But like Walter said earlier in the thread I think it has a lot to do with age, like I'm probably more dominant then I would be back when I was 18, etc.