BFF of the opposite sex

[GypsyElder]

I had a conversation with my dad not too long ago, and he wanted to make a point clear, that he doesn't think a male and a female can be best friends with out it turning it something more. I don't know. I don't have just one best friend, I have a handful of really good ones. The kind who you know you will be just as tight with if you don't talk to them for a year, and will always be there for you. Of those, I don't think I would ever hook up with any of the males.

I'm pretty sure everyone knows the difference between someone who is just a good friend, and someone who you are attracted to. I have had a best guy friend though, that started to like me. I think the only negative with that was that things started to get awkward.

But then again, isn't that how relationships start in the first place, good friendships?

I'm guessing his point was that maybe, even if you don't become attracted, maybe the other person will? I don't really know the answer.

So the question is, do you think it is possible to have a best friend of the opposite sex, without something happening. Whether it be relationship, hook up, or crush?

[Victoria]

The only way it's possible, is if the opposite sex is lesbian/gay.
There is a very slim chance that you can be a BFF with someone opposite sex without being attracted to them, and vice versa, but it's very small.

[ziroth]

The only way it's possible, is if the opposite sex is lesbian/gay.
There is a very slim chance that you can be a BFF with someone opposite sex without being attracted to them, and vice versa, but it's very small.

That's not exactly true you know. I have a friend who is a lesbian,but after awhile she started hanging out with me more than her other friends, and more than her girlfriend. Not to long ago I figured out that she likes me. Not the friendship like, but intimate like. I just don't know what to do though....Because I like her too........

Now back to the question.
So the question is, do you think it is possible to have a best friend of the opposite sex, without something happening. Whether it be relationship, hook up, or crush?
Well if one starts giving off flirting signs then theres no way. Because no matter what you do he/she is always going to have these feelings for you even if they say they don't deep down they always will.
I have been in my fair share of friendship relationships and it doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. What if when you two get together and one of you wants to be friends. Well don't count on that to much because they will still have feelings for you. I'm stuck in that boat now...........Any suggestions?

[GypsyElder]

That's not exactly true you know. I have a friend who is a lesbian,but after awhile she started hanging out with me more than her other friends, and more than her girlfriend. Not to long ago I figured out that she likes me. Not the friendship like, but intimate like. I just don't know what to do though....Because I like her too........

Then she's not lesbian.

Well if one starts giving off flirting signs then theres no way. Because no matter what you do he/she is always going to have these feelings for you even if they say they don't deep down they always will.

Flirting doesn't always equal crush.

What if when you two get together and one of you wants to be friends. Well don't count on that to much because they will still have feelings for you. I'm stuck in that boat now...........Any suggestions?

Do you mean you liked someone but they just want to be friends now?

[ziroth]

Then she's not lesbian.

Well no but now she would be turning bisexual. I know for a fact from her and her ex's that she is a lesbians cause she's never dated a guy.....ever.....
I guess the best advice I can give to someone wondering this or anyone who cares is that your either friends forever or lovers for a while. Pick one.

[Fluffy]

Well no but now she would be turning bisexual. I know for a fact from her and her ex's that she is a lesbians cause she's never dated a guy.....ever.....

Guess I'm just a "age-appropriately" attracted hetero, because I've never dated any underage girls.

Oh wait, no I'm not. That's silly.

I guess the best advice I can give to someone wondering this or anyone who cares is that your either friends forever or lovers for a while. Pick one.

Damn, are those the only options? Why can't you remain best friends and still be something more? That's where I'm at right now, but if these are my only true options, then that's depressing.

[Fluffy]

I think it's an very low chance that both will not like each other as more than friends. But certainly it must happen.

Something will happen, most likely. At least one of you will probably realize that you've become attracted to the other, and will probably consider furthering the relationship. You might decide not to ever even bring it up, but it's still there. Even if you brought it up and ended up dropping it, it was, and probably will still be, there.

Or it could just be me. But that's what I've seen happen most often. Happens to me every time.

[Quistis]

I think that's possible though I never really experienced it myself. Some guys though would befriend a girl because they are already attracted to them and has a hidden agenda already lol (what my ex did). There are also times when I have been friends to certain guys that just got ruined because once they confessed that they like me in a "more than a friend" way, things just got really awkward because I just didn't see it as anything more than that.

What happened between me and my husband was quite the opposite though. We were at first physically attracted to each other, as we got to know each better we became best friends. We had a lot of things in common but at the same time different on certain things that we really just complement each other.

So...with that said, I think it's still as random as rolling a dice. Anything is possible but one thing's for sure, a marriage or romantic relationship is so much better if you share it with your best friend.

[Unknown Entity]

Okay, I was writing my post along the lines of "Yeah, of course you can!" but after thinking about it a little longer... yes, I think it's still possible, but... not for me, so I can't really argue my point here.

Both of my male friends who I consider my best friend of the opposite sex have a crush on me. It would have been understandable if it was only one, but both?

Otherwise, I know that a lot of my friends have opposite sex best friends and nothing has happened/will happened... I just don't know about the crushes part. =S

I think it's true that good relationships grow from good friendships, but there is the issue of destroying a friendship if something horrible happens in the relationship. ='[

[Andromeda]

It probably going to be likely that even if you don't have an interest in furthering the relationship past friends you'll probably at some point acknowledge to yourself that they are attractive even if you don't do anything to act on it. However, it is a very common thing people have said that men and women given enough time together will never remain simply friends. Which I only half believe. I can acknowledge attractiveness without actually doing anything beyond that. But I know that at least on a conscious level I can be friends with the opposite gender and just leave it at that. But I also know that there are some friends that I was interested in beyond friendship. So its certainly not going to be an all or nothing I think.

Best friends, well all of my best friends are out of reach, so nothing is ever going to be able to happen even if I wanted to. So I think it is safe to say nothing is going to be happening between any of them and me.

One thing I will say is that I've noticed personally I have an easier time talking and getting along with the opposite gender. It certainly not a deliberate act, but it is a trend that I notice for myself. Never having had a significant other though also says that I probably lack some of the ulterior motives others possess when talking to someone. I go in thinking there is a person to talk to, while others may go in thinking there's someone their looking to go out with.

So it comes down to your own personality in the end. If you aren't looking for a relationship then it is probably more likely that you'll end up just trying to find a friend. Though I guess if that ever changes or something. But I wouldn't say "never".

[Govinda]

One of my very best friends is male. He's bisexual and his dad thinks I'm his girlfriend. He did admit that when we first met he really quite liked me, but that this soon faded when he realised that my boyfriend and I are symbiotic in a ****ed up manner (because you can't be symbiotic normally, let's face it) and that I'm insane. He claims the insanity was attractive, go figure. He also went on this spiel about by eyes. Only happens when he's really drunk though, this reminiscing, and recently we had a nice conversation with a mutual, very good, male friend of ours about how sometimes you just meet people and there is zero sexual compatibility. That being said, the other guy said he could 'see himself with me' when we first met. Then again, he also actually believed that other male friend was my carer when I told him as a joke. Lol ****ing wut.

So no, I don't think you can get opposite BFFs without something vaguely sexual hanging in the air for at least the first few weeks. It's worth waiting for that to fade though, having opposite-sex friends rules. The debate still rages: who gives the better head, a woman or a gay man? I'm obviously on the women team. My two bisexual male friends are firmly on the gay man team. Hopefully we'll find a guinea pig one day for anonymous experiment.

[winterborn86]

I guess to start out with you could be BFF with someone of the opposite sex, but I think that spending so much time together and really knowing everything about the other will eventually light up a little spark between the two people, it could be a few years or 20years but i believe it could happen one day.

[Dodie16]

Yeah, I don't think that guys and girls can really be best friends without having something happen, like getting a crush at some point. But I suppose that those feelings could fade over time, and then it could just be a great friendship.

Unfortunately for me, I have nosey people in my life who always seem to think that just because I am really good friends with a guy, that we would make a cute couple. I had a great friendship ruined because of it.

[Freya]

I've had a male BFF a few years ago. All of a sudden he confessed to me that he loved me. So I don't think that'll work. I've had many male friends, none of them ever became my BFF again, because they fell in love with me after a while. I don't really know how that happened - and I don't want to know - but it made me think about BFFs in general.
I only have a female BFF and I'm quite sure she'll never fall in love with me.
But she also told me a few months ago that her BFF - a guy she had known since she was young - confessed to her... so even childhood friendships don't really work.

[Josh_R]

I have one best friend and he's has been my best friend since 4th grade I can count on him for anything...I have tried to be good friends with girls but it always ends with us having sex...So no I dont believe the opposite sex's can be best friends...

[Chez Daja]

I think it's hilarious how people are like "you'd have to be gay!!!"

Not so. I know plenty of straight guys who I'm good friends with. All of my BEST friends have been male; each of which had girlfriends and in turn, I had boyfriends. And even when we were all single, nothing more ever came from it. I have maybe five girls in my life who I really like; but even then most of them have tomboyish traits.

Only once have I been best friends with a guy and had it turn into something more... and I stopped talking to him partly because of that.

My current boyfriend and I were similar to best friends for a while, but I made it clear that I felt something for him nearer to the beginning. I ended up leaving my boyfriend at the time partly because I wanted to date the friend. We've been together for some years now and my ex and I have made resolve.

[Rocky]

Yeah, I think it's possible to have a bff with the opposite gender without falling in love with them or anything like that.

Back in my high school years, all throughout hs I had this ladyfriend that I was best friends with. We became like that because of us being involved with the same stuff, our parents became really good friends, etc. Even though she is really physically attractive (which I admit to her, and she admit to me later on she felt the same way), I couldn't see myself doing any of those things to her. I wouldn't just hook up with her because I didn't want to get hurt and/or hurt her, since she's my best friend and all, and after getting to know her all too well, I couldn't see myself in a relationship with her. It would just be too wierd lol. So we remained the best of friends! It worked out great for the both of us. Even though we both go to different colleges and only see each other on breaks and all, it's still like we never missed a day of being apart or anything.

So yeah it can happen. I think the main thing is being best friends and all, you have to be able to be open and trustworthy with the other person as much as possible in order for it to work.

[Cheesevixen]

Friendship is woven into the very fabric of any relationship, and is a part of attraction. Attraction is not only based on sexual preference. So in a way your father is right. You can't be friend with someone of the opposite sex without being a little attracted to them. However, so many other things make up a relationship. So just because you may be attracted to them; it doesn't mean you will end up in a partnership with them.

I personally know I can't be friends with men. Before I was married I looked at my male friends as Penis's in a bottle. If my bf ****ed up and we split up........I knew I could always call one of my friends up for satisfaction. So I developed the frame of mind that see's all men as objects. There are very few I actually respect. :-)

[Che]

It's possible up until the point where you find yourself in the moment and all of a sudden you're banging your best friend. At that point in time it's not possible anymore.

[Sean]

Every girl I've become pretty decent friends with, as in hang out at least weekly, talk to often, etc, I've wound up developing feelings for.

I don't believe it's possible to be very close friends with someone of the opposite sex, at least from my standpoint.

[Padraic]

My friend who I met through another friend... I guess we were "best" friends, and we "hooked" up (just helping prove your point)... I mean she has a policy no dating till shes 14, and her dad doesn't want her to, and her "step" brother is in my grade (she's only a year younger and in a single lower grade) and he's already threatened me . But even though that happened that friend who introduced us is a best friend... we didn't hook up... but she did end up likgn me.... YOU WIN I GIVE UP X(

[kennedyfan]

one of my really good friends is female, and we tried dating for a couple months. we ended it, cuz she said it felt weird. at the time i didn't know what she meant, but after i thought about it, i knew she was right. we are still really good friends, though, so friendship doesn't always help a relationship, but it doesn't mean the friendship has to end if the relationship does.

[chrono]

The only way for this to work out is if both people find each other unattractive.

If they both find each other attractive than it is only a matter of time before that hug that last to long or that kiss that was meant for the cheek hits the lips happens.

if one finds the other attractive but the other does not feel the same way than that friendship can last for a long time(if not forever) as long as that guy/gal keeps their hormones in check.

MERGED POSTS

one of my really good friends is female, and we tried dating for a couple months. we ended it, cuz she said it felt weird. at the time i didn't know what she meant, but after i thought about it, i knew she was right. we are still really good friends, though, so friendship doesn't always help a relationship, but it doesn't mean the friendship has to end if the relationship does.

did you have sex with her?

[kennedyfan]

no, actually, we didn't end up doing anything. she just said that we'd been friends for too long, she couldn't really think of me as a boyfriend, i was just someone she hung out with a lot more often.

[chrono]

no, actually, we didn't end up doing anything. she just said that we'd been friends for too long, she couldn't really think of me as a boyfriend, i was just someone she hung out with a lot more often.

if you would have had sex with her then you guys whole friendship would have changed after the end of the relationship.

[loaf]

Man I thought I posted in this already.

I have had one BFF and it was a girl, when we first met, I was just some guy who sat next to her in American Lit class but then turned into the both of us being the closest friends ever. Then I started to have a huge crush on her/falling in love blah blah blah. I haven't heard from her in 3 months and I haven't seen her in 3 years.

But for the question, yea it's possible for the opposite sex to be BFFs...

[Alpha]

I think it's possible. I have a number of really good friends of the opposite sex, and I've never really entertained thoughts about anything more. That being said, my girlfriend is the person I would consider my best friend, I suppose this is normal, but she superseded over a different (male) friend who was my 'best friend' before I met my girlfriend.

So, yes and no. Maybe the reason my girlfriend is my best friend is because I'm attracted to her. Maybe the reason I see my female friends strictly as friends is because I'm in a long-term relationship. Tough to nut this one out.