Sample and Idea

[Cruel Misery]

Well im writing a fanfic.... its a crossover from different final fantasy games and its set in a boarding house, all characters are teenager but still retain the things that make them who theya are. There is one oc character in it and the story kinda centres around how the other interact with him and how friendships/relatioships progress. Its not just about life in a the boarding house but life as a teenager, the boarding house and collage are on Besaid island but the story isnt limited to that area. I hope to explore other parts of spira in later chapters.

this is just a sample of the prologe:

Jack looked at the alarm clock next to his bed, the red flashing numbers told him it was 7:45. His room had no windows as it was situated in the basement, he shared the room with squall and there was another room across the hall belonging to Tidus and Wakka. He sat in the dark for a minute before walking across the room to turn on the light; he slowly turned up the light using a dimmer switch just so he didn’t blind himself. The room was a mess; the table in the centre of the room was littered with empty pizza boxes, burnt out cigarettes and playing cards. Squall and Jack had held a little poker game the pervious night. Lulu, Tifa and Vincent had joined them but it was Lulu who walked away with the most winnings, she had hustled them like a pro by letting on she didn’t know what she was doing then taking them to the cleaners. Jack sighed with a faint smile as he picked up an un-smoked cigarette from the table a lit it, he had to admit that ever since he had moved here two weeks ago he had become much happier. Squall had left after to poker game to go see his girlfriend, his bed was empty so it seem he never returned. Jack put the cigarette to his mouth and inhaled, he didn’t have to go to collage today but due to his routine he was awake anyway. There was a loud knock at the door; “Hey you guys awake!” shouted a cheery voice. Jack knew who it was already, only one person could be that happy at this time in the morning, “Come on in Rikku” replied Jack as he blew out a cloud of smoke.


What do you think, im hopeing to get some good feed back and some advice and tips. If you guys like it i will post more once the first chapter is finished, i havent had the motivation to write in awhile now and i hope when people review it will help push me forward and keep me focused.

[Trodorne]

Its interesting to say. mixing other game characters together in one world. not a lot of the story there to really judge on.

but from what i seen. when you go to a different view or what the focus is on, you could break the paragraph open and start a new one.

Jack looked at the alarm clock next to his bed, the red flashing numbers told him it was 7:45. His room had no windows as it was situated in the basement, he shared the room with squall and there was another room across the hall belonging to Tidus and Wakka. He sat in the dark for a minute before walking across the room to turn on the light; he slowly turned up the light using a dimmer switch just so he didn’t blind himself.

The room was a mess; the table in the centre of the room was littered with empty pizza boxes, burnt out cigarettes and playing cards. Squall and Jack had held a little poker game the pervious night. Lulu, Tifa and Vincent had joined them but it was Lulu who walked away with the most winnings, she had hustled them like a pro by letting on she didn’t know what she was doing then taking them to the cleaners.

Jack sighed with a faint smile as he picked up an un-smoked cigarette from the table a lit it, he had to admit that ever since he had moved here two weeks ago he had become much happier. Squall had left after to poker game to go see his girlfriend, his bed was empty so it seem he never returned. Jack put the cigarette to his mouth and inhaled, he didn’t have to go to collage today but due to his routine he was awake anyway. There was a loud knock at the door.

“Hey you guys awake!” shouted a cheery voice.

Jack knew who it was already, only one person could be that happy at this time in the morning.

“Come on in Rikku” replied Jack as he blew out a cloud of smoke.

so thats how the layout should kind of be. when quotes are going to be used its better to have a seperate line for those conversations. so

"blah blah blah" he said.

"counter blah" she said, with a smile.

im sure you have the entire story already figured out in your head, just can't comment too heavily on the story but just on the work done. but very interesting use of the characters. keep practicing and you can only get better.

[Cruel Misery]

Thank you so much, im glad someone took the time to read through it and help me out. Im going to take all you have said and alter the finished chapter then post it, i hope you can give me your opinion on it. But im sad to say that this prodject has been abandoned, once again created too much work for myself and the plot was too vague. Im going to be working on random extracts and short stories in the future based around some of the Final Fantasy characters. All the stories are going to be linked by an OC and hopefully it will develop into a full blown story.

[Cruel Misery]

Prologue: Good Morning

Jack looked at the alarm clock next to his bed, the red flashing numbers told him it was 7:45. His room had no windows as it was situated in the basement, he shared the room with squall and there was another room across the hall belonging to Tidus and Wakka. He sat in the dark for a minute before walking across the room to turn on the light; he slowly turned up the light using a dimmer switch just so he didn’t blind himself.

The room was a mess; the table in the centre of the room was littered with empty pizza boxes, burnt out cigarettes and playing cards. Squall and Jack had held a little poker game the pervious night. Lulu, Tifa and Vincent had joined them but it was Lulu who walked away with the most winnings, she had hustled them like a pro by letting on she didn’t know what she was doing then taking them to the cleaners.

Jack sighed with a faint smile as he picked up an un-smoked cigarette from the table a lit it, he had to admit that ever since he had moved here two weeks ago he had become much happier. Squall had left after to poker game to go see his girlfriend, his bed was empty so it seem he never returned. Jack put the cigarette to his mouth and inhaled, he didn’t have to go to collage today but due to his routine he was awake anyway.

There was a loud knock at the door; “Hey you guys awake!” shouted a cheery voice.

Jack knew who it was already, only one person could be that happy at this time in the morning, “Come on in Rikku” replied Jack as he blew out a cloud of smoke.

Rikku bounced into the room, “wow this place is a mess” she said as she looked around the room.

Jack smiled and took another draw from his cigarette, “we had a few games of poker last night, I was gonna invite you but well you were hanging around with Gippal”.

Rikku smiled and cocked an eyebrow at him, “is that a tone of Jealousy Mr. Jack?” she asked as she titled her head to the side.

Jack stubbed out his cigarette and stood up, “not jealous I just feel bad that you missed out on the fun because of him”.

Jack didn’t like Gippal and most people knew it, during his first week at the boarding house Jack had gotten on well with Rikku and Gippal didn’t like it, he had told Jack to back of and there was a fight so now they tended to keep there distance from each over.

“You could have asked him to come too” she said with smile.

“Yeah you’re right… and I could have also hit my self across the head with an iron” replied Jack sarcastically.

Rikku laughed and sat down, she put her elbows on the table and propped up her chin with her hands, “anyways, where is Squall?” she asked as she continued her survey of the room.

“Err I’m guessing he stayed at Riona’s last night” replied Jack as he walked over to his bed and grabbed a belt from the floor.

“Ooooh so Squally is getting some action” said Rikku as she stood up from where she was sitting, “that explains why he’s always out”.

Jack let out a laugh as he put on his belt, he reached down at the bottom of his bed and picked up his shoes, “So who else is still hanging around?” he asked as he began to tie his laces.

“Just me Aeries and Tidus” said Rikku as she began to pace around the room, “Aeries has the morning off and Tidus is apparently ill”.

“Ah so he has a test then?” asked jack. Rikku nodded as she began another lap of the room, “what are you up to today anyway?” she asked.

Jack stood up and ran a hand through his dark hair, “well I was thinking of heading down to the beach and kicking some fiends around” he said as he walked over to his and Squalls weapon cabinet.

Fiends were a problem all over spira, not many people died from the common ones but if you ventured too far towards Gagazet then some of the bigger ones could easily pick you off. The local Collages taught basic combat training for fighting off the more common ones but if you wanted to carry a weapon to specifically hunt them then you needed a licence.

“Oh that sounds fun” said Rikku with a twinge of excitement, “Can I come pleaseeee!” begged Rikku with a puppy dog look.

Jack sighed with a smile, “I don’t know Rikku, it may be dangerous” he said obviously teasing her.

Rikku pouted, “What’s that supposed to mean mister, just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I can’t fight” she said as she playfully punched his arm.

Jack smiled, “ok get you licence and we can go then.

Rikku jumped around grinning, “ok buster meet by the front door and don’t you dare think of leaving without me” she said with a wink.

Rikku turned and bounced out of the door, Jack could hear her running up the stairs, he was always curious to how Rikku stayed so happy and energetic all the time. He reached into the cabinet and pulled out his sword which was in its sheath, he attached it to his belt and grabbed his jacket. He smiled as he closed the bedroom door and turned towards the stairs, toady was gonna be a good day.