Pistashio

[Cheez]

This is a story I wrote a while ago, and well I thought it was awesome. If you have an opinion I would love to hear it.


Pistachio
Geppetto had just got stoned and was looking for snacks. He then spotted a huge bag of pistachios. He pulled up a chair and started eating. Then something in the bag started moving Geppetto, curiously dug for it in the bag of nuts and dragged it to the top, “ hello” said a small voice “ I am Pistachio the talking nut”. Geppetto was amazed, but he also was stoned so he tried to eat it, quickly Pistachio squirmed as hard as he could and broke free. After cleaning out the fridge defacing the walls and reading Pinocchio’s top secret childhood diary Pistachio knew he wanted to be a real boy and the fairy was the one who could do it. While running down the road pistachio got distracted by Geppetto’s drug dealer, but just before the sale was made Pistachio remembered his mission, but as he was leaving “WHAM!!” he was knocked out.

Pistachio woke to the sound of trotting horses; he then looked up and saw an amusement park called Donkey Nut. “Howdy! names Peanut,” said the stranger, Pistachio was excited by all the gnarly rides “cool lets have fffuuunnnnn!” And in slow motion they bounded down to the theme park, eating fairy floss, playing the clown game, throwing the clown to the ground and kicking him while laughing to each other and competing in the pie-eating contest. Then Peanut half turned into a donkey, and Pistachio grew a tail. Two hippie guards eyed them and approached with ninja like speed and invisibility, peanut then became a complete donkey, which really freaked out Pistachio. The hippies seized Peanut “Hey what are you doing with my friend!” yelled Pistachio, the hippies replied “we turned him in to a donkey, and now were ya no, gona like eat him and stuff, cause donkeys taste better than nuts” Pistachio stared with a look of amazement and was about to speak when “donkeys are the most delicious vegetable, and don’t you try to fool us you nun.” Pistachio was desperate to escape, to not be a donkey and to not be eaten, so he jumped of a cliff, and fell in the mouth of a yawning whale.

Inside the whale Pistachio floated around just thinking “Bummer”, finally after floating for a long time he saw a small light “hey that’s Geppetto, maybe he knows where the fairy is,” said Pistachio. So he yelled “hey Geppetto would you know where the fairy is”, “why sure your holiness, the fairy is always at the most sacred of hippie events, the Woodstock,” stated Geppetto. “Well tally ho then chum,” said Pistachio and he swam away just before Geppetto got digested. While swimming away Pistachio noticed the whale started acting funny, it said “wow that’s like, ya know, a nun, my fins are huge, they can touch anything but themselves, oh wait”.

Pistachio prepared himself and proudly marched to the Holy Woodstock, ran right in to the fairy, and fell over. “That was convenient!” said Pistachio, he cleared his throat and said “oh fairy, I want to be a real boy,” the Fairy replied “but you can’t, ya know cause like nuns can’t be boys!” A look of fury struck Pistachio and he bellowed “THAN WE SHALL FIGHT TO THE DEATH!!!!” The two powered up showing off massive amounts of energy, they suddenly turned in to balls of pure energy crashing in mid-air causing giant shock waves that blew large groups of hippies away. Fairy then launched a moon sized aurora ball at Pistachio. At the last second, he managed to project a barrier; there was smoke everywhere and there was dead silence. Fairy heard something and quickly turned around, there was Pistachio staring with a demonic look and suddenly he disappeared. Crack! Pistachio came from out of nowhere and kicked Fairy in the spine then slammed her to the ground, and the gnarlyst heavy metal guitar solo ever started playing in the background. Fairy gets up and fires again but Pistachio deflects it right back quickly dodging and flying towards Pistachio to deliver a powerful kick Pistachio doges and hits Fairy in a pressure point and she falls to the ground. Still conscious but helpless Fairy watches in horror as Pistachio starts his most powerful attack. “WRATH OF THE SUN!!” yells Pistachio and a beam shoots from the sun and burns Fairy to a crisp, along with some hippies that were close. Pistachio drained the magic from the charred remains of the Fairy and becomes the magical ruler of the world.

THE END.

[Furore]

Firstly... WTF?!!!
That was awesome dude.
Funniest thing I've read here I believe.
Enough said.

[Cheez]

Wow that was a fast response and thanks for the positive feedback I hope more people like my story.

[Tiger Lily]

First off: ROFLWAFFLEZ. ()

Didn't think you'd get it up on here so quickly (if at all, actually) - but it's pretty frickin' hilarious. Completely random, but hilarious. *gives drag-queen getup and a cookie* Nice. xD

[winterborn86]

That is soooo weird but funny, u clearly got a very active imagination lol

[Cheez]

Drag queen? what, oh yes the train. but anyway Tiger Lily, for shame for not beveling in me and thanks for the complement. As for you winterborn86 thank you as well, and just to let you know this was 100% imagination, and not hallucinogens (the performance enhancing drugs for writing). I just love it that people and possibly the occasional alien is reading my story, and please spread the news and let others know of my story so they to can read it.