The OldBean Show (spinoff)

[Alice]

Are you all scared that the most probably currently dumb series finally gets a spin-off. Oh no! Well, sorry, but this is a hobby of mine, so, meh.

This first episode is just an introduction. It isn't very good. I know. But I have to do something. You're wondering why I released OB2 chpt 5 along with this? Well, if you actually read it, it should be obvious! Now enjoy, or suffer. Depends if you're a OB hater.

Comments topic for OBShow:
The OldBean Show comments topic (spinoff)

Comment in the comments topic and ONLY IN THE COMMENTS TOPIC. Okay? I don't want people randomly hijacking my threads...

--Ep 1, The Beginning of the Era of Idiots--


OldBean was sitting on his couch, starting at the TV.
"This is crazy news, reporting crazy news!" said the dog on television. OldBean yawned, again, actually louder than usual. He might have actually burped.
"We got a crazy report of an old man that claims he's an old bean!"
OldBean widened his eyes.
"WEH? Oh wait...oh yeah...my name's a stereotype as well...I forgot..."
"Will you shut up, I'm trying to listen to my girlfriend on the phone here!" yelled Boda, the Yoda look alike from upstairs. He's blue, unlike Yoda.
"Yeah, your girlfriend who'll get you dumped in the next 15 minutes like they all do!" OldBean yelled back. He continued watching the news.
"THIS IS CRAZY NEWS, REPORTING CRAZY NEWS!"
OldBean changed the channel. He was now staring at a television show called 'Ask Mr. Cuddlebear'.
"Pfft, damn cheap rip-offs....why does everyone have to be like me?!?! WHY??!?!?!?
"Hey, shut up! She dumped me!" yelled Boda from upstairs.
"Congratulations, you've just reached the 30th mark!" bellowed back OldBean. Wasn't the guy ever gonna shut up for once?
He looked at his clock. The time was '3:10 pm'. This clearly meant that Gondour was gonna burst through the door claiming he's the new King of the World any moment now. And without further ado....
The door burst open.
"WHO YA GONNA CALL!?" the guy yelled. The house was full of yelling around this time. OldBean watched with boredom.
"GUESS WHAT DUDE?"
"What, dog bit your backside again?"
"Almost did, yeah! But I got promoted, again!"
"What, you're already the editor of the newspaper, what else you want, 500 grams of dog poo? It's not much to you, but it's worth it!"
"Haha, so funny...anyway, I got promoted to something else!"
"Elite recycler?"
"Nope. But recycling is good for the environment. I got promoted one number higher on the list of the smartest people alive! I used to be number 16, now I'm number one!"
OldBean almost snorted...well, somehow anyway. He decided not to tell Gondour that the list was actually called 'Dumbest People Alive'.
Oldbean looked at the clock again. It was two minutes more than last time. According to the timetable, Dennis would be bursting in any second now.
Dennis burst in. Bean couldn't believe how moronic people could be. He was right. He should've installed security guards at his front door. That'd stop people barging in.
"Bean, I've lost my wallet, again!"
"Will you all shut up!" OldBean shouted. "I need my rest, my relaxation, and all I get are some morons that don't even know how to climb up a small lego building!"
Everyone else was laughing, not at OldBean, but what was behind him outside the window. There was Marshal, just climbing up the OldBean's FBI Building, The OldBean...well, FBI. TOBF, for short. He had his cape on, and he was also wearing his red armour, and even his helm. But he wasn't acting like the legendary hero he was, just like his friends. He was acting like a moron.
"I'm a very daring person." said the distant echoing voice from the FBI.
They all stared at him from the window.
"Well, at least he recycles." shrugged Gondour.

Yes, I know, it's bad. I wasn't feeling well when I wrote this one a few days ago so, yeah. It pretty much isn't good. But nevertheless, I promise, I'll make ep3 better . And yes, that means I've already done ep2. >.>

[Alice]

Please post in the comments thread. The link is in the first post of this topic.

The OldBean Show Ep2, The Crack in the Ceiling

OldBean was sitting in front of a desk. Obviously on the other end was some sort of professional person.
"...and we refuse to work under such conditions! The air-conditioning doesn't work!"
"Did you turn it on?"
"That's besides the point, and there's a crack in the ceiling!"
"Crack in the ceiling, 'ey? We get that a lot..."
OldBean in anger so called 'banged' his wing on the desk.
"Ow!"
"Remember that you're an owl, not a human."
"Pfft...owlists...anyway, what are you gonna do about it?! I swear, Gondour keeps claiming bird crap goes up his nose!"
"If he was stupid enough to look up at the crack, well, yes..."
"Next thing it'll be a HOLE."


OldBean flew back into his house, and sat on the couch, upset.
Gabran, the scientist, rushed forward to him.
"You okay?"
OldBean shooked his head.
"No, I quit the show!"
"You can't quit the show!"
OldBean suddenly turned his head. He wasn't upset at all. He was angry.
"I know I can't quit the show, it's not like a chicken'll murder a human, I NEED A MIRACLE!"
The crack in OldBean's ceiling let through a very holy light. OldBean stared up at it, and said, "It's a miracle!"
He left his beak slightly open.
Bird poop fell into it. OldBean tried to get it out.
"OH GOD, POOP, SOMEONE HELP ME!"
"Well it's not so bad...I mean, you're a bird too..."
"I'll take the bird point as a fact, NOW HELP ME!"
Boda walked into the room, holding a newspaper.
"I WANT TO MOVE HOUSE! IS THERE A NOTICE FOR HOUSES THERE!?"
"We could move house Bean, look, it's a royal palace!"
OldBean glared angrily while still trying to get the stuff out.
"We couldsh still usesh dat pwalice..!" said OldBean, having difficulty stringing the words together.
"It costs more than your whole life, Bean." said Boda, starting at the newspaper.
OldBean finally got it out, went to the bathroom, cleaned himself, and flew back down at an amazing speed.
"I'll take that as a chance! If anyone wants my life, I'll give it to you!"
Dennis walked into the room too. OldBean lay on the sofa. Dennis is a human by the way.
"Oh, is everyone coming to look at me on my deathbed..? There's Boda...and Dennis...and Dr. Moo cow..."
Gabran is a cow, hence, Dr. Moo cow.
"Okay, I'll take your life." said Dennis gleefully. "How much does it cost?!"
"He didn't mean it, Dennis." yawned Gabran.
"Of course I damnit mean it!" yelled OldBean. "I NEED A NEW HOUSE!"
Boda gave OldBean the option of fixing his ceiling instead of complaining to the person who sold them a TV set.
"Of course I won't fix the ceiling!" shouted OldBean. "I don't care if the guy gave us a good TV production set! My viewers, watching me on Television, this may be the last time we see each other again!"
Gabran sighed. "It's only been just two episodes Bean..."
"Hell do I care, send me away to Africa! Antartica! Europe! South America!"


Back in real life...
SonKnuck was staring at the television.
"Oh crap, that is nice! Gabran, send him away, now! We definitely need a new one of those things! A talking owl..."
"My line!" yelled a distant voice.


Back in the TV set...
"It's all over!" moaned OldBean continously. Dennis snuck away to answer the phone.
"Yes?"
It was SonKnuck on the phone.
"I believe I got your phone number correct?"
"Er, who is this?"
"Some random guy from an alternate universe! I say, send the owl away! We needed a talking owl! A talking echinda and hedgehog, now to complete the set, we need a owl..!"
"Oh crap, you again! I am not selling him away!"
"My line!" said a voice that was not SunKnuck's.
Dennis shut the phone down.
"People. I think we need a new phone number too."
"WHAT?"
"Ya huh."
"I told you!" moaned OldBean. "That ceiling, it's a menace! Someone, call Jesus..!"
"Sorry, he isn't in the Yellow Pages." said Dennis.
"Noooo!"


A few hours later however...they were in a completely different place...



OldBean was looking agitated.
"I SAID I WANTED A PALACE!"
Dennis yawned.
"You said that we 'could'. Not that we had to. You just said that you wanted a new house, not that, it had to be nice..."
They were sitting nearby a hungry crocodile. That wasn't a nice sign.
"Well, our visit is over, enjoy your new home, Bean!" said Boda, and they all ran for it.
Bean turned around and saw the horrible beast.
"I think we're on the point of a very bad friendship..."
Somewhere, in a galaxy far far....over there.....a Jedi Knight heard a scream...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !"