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Thread: Home Alone

  1. #1
    Sephiroth's Girl Home Alone sephirothsbigfan's Avatar
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    Home Alone

    My little sister Juanita and I were home by ourselves while our parents were on a trip for a few days. I was in charge of the house while they were gone.

    It was raining and storming outside. We were having lunch in the dining room then the lightning struck. We screamed when the power went out. I grabbed a flashlight, turned it on, and held Juanita. We were trembling.

    We were walking in the hallway to the living room. When we got to the living room, I lit a candle. We played games to calm ourselves down. Dinner came around fast. After we ate, we got ready for bed.

    We headed to our rooms when lightning struck again nearby. We jumped and then the candle went out. I quickly lit it and went on. I tucked her in bed, kissed her cheek, and went to my room. I laid down in bed trying to sleep. The next moment something hit my window. I jumped up and noticed it was a branch. I settled down and went to bed. After a few minutes I heard Juanita scream. Things turned from bad to worse.

    I ran to her room. She was crying and screaming. She said that there was a weird moaning and growling sounds coming down the hallway. I reassured her she was dreaming then I heard it. We went to the hallway to scare whatever it was. The hallway was clear, but the sound came from behind us. We turned around and was petrified.

    There was a shadow of a big, furry beast with long, sharp teeth. It stood on two feet, though. When it turned the corner, I realized what it was; it was a werewolf. We screamed and took off running. We lead the werewolf to a spare room and locked it in there. It kept ramming the door, but the door held. For some reason it jumped out the window moments before sun rise. We were relieved it was over.

    The power came back on the next day. It was still raining and went back to our daily routine. That evening our power outage kept going on and off then it stayed off. I got a flashlight and checked outside and was stunned. Our power box was ripped to shreds. I went inside and heard the growl again. It has returned.

    I quickly ran inside and locked the door. I told Juanita to stay with me. We ran to help blockade the door from last time, but too late. It was in the house! We screamed and ran to the front door. I quickly unlocked the door, and we ran for our lives. We were constantly hiding for hours till it ran off at the same time as yesterday.

    We went back home the next day. We were soaked and tired. I called a friend to help us out. We explained the whole story, and he was shocked. He gave us food and a place to stay. We also had a plan
    to get rid of the were wolf. We worked on it and got it ready for that evening.

    Juanita and I were at our house when we heard the growl. We turned around, and there it was. We took off running to our friend's backyard. We yelled "Now!" A cage was dropped on the werewolf. We also set a spiky snare trap so every time he struggled, the spikes dug in. We finally caught it at last.

    We kept an eye on the werewolf so he wouldn't escape. On the time he runs away he kept whimpering till the sun came up. It screamed then disappeared in a puff of smoke. Apparently the sunlight was lethal to it. Finally the werewolf is gone for good.

    We returned to our home when the werewolf vanished. The rain stopped, and I finally had service to call the repair man. After a few moments our parents were back. They were shocked and wondered what happened. We were so glad to see them. We told them that a bad storm started after they left, and a strong surge of wind blew big trees at the house. We didn't have the heart to tell them what happened when they were gone, and hope that it never happens again.
    Last edited by sephirothsbigfan; 02-19-2010 at 06:18 AM.

    I am Sephiroth's girl! We will rule over you! Challenge this couple if you dare!

  2. #2
    Sentinel DragonHeart's Avatar
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    Re: Home Alone

    Please check your formatting when you post stories. The text is basically unreadable as it is now. Put a blank line between paragraphs when you post your work to break up the text and make it easier to read.

    Quote Originally Posted by sephirothsbigfan
    My little sister Juanita and I were home by ourselves while our parents were on a trip for a few days. I was in charge of the house while they were gone.
    It was raining and storming outside. We were having lunch in the dining room then the lightning struck. We screamed when the power went out. I grabbed a flashlight, turned it on, and held Juanita. We were trembling.

    We were walking in the hallway to the living room. When we got to the living room, I lit a candle. We played games to calm ourselves down. Dinner came around fast. After we ate, we got ready for bed.

    We headed to our rooms when lightning struck again nearby. We jumped and then the candle went out. I quickly lit it and went on. I tucked her in bed, kissed her cheek, and went to my room. I laid down in bed trying to sleep. The next moment something hit my window. I jumped up and noticed it was a branch. I settled down and went to bed. After a few minutes I heard Juanita scream. Things turned from bad to worse.

    I ran to her room. She was crying and screaming. She said that there was a weird moaning and growling sounds coming down the hallway. I reassured her she was dreaming then I heard it. We went to the hallway to scare whatever it was. The hallway was clear, but the sound came from behind us. We turned around and was petrified.

    There was a shadow of a big, furry beast with long, sharp teeth. It stood on two feet, though. When it turned the corner, I realized what it was; it was a werewolf. We screamed and took off running. We lead the werewolf to a spare room and locked it in there. It kept ramming the door, but the door held. For some reason it jumped out the window moments before sun rise. We were relieved it was over.

    The power came back on the next day. It was still raining and went back to our daily routine. That evening our power outage kept going on and off then it stayed off. I got a flashlight and checked outside and was stunned. Our power box was ripped to shreds. I went inside and heard the growl again. It has returned.

    I quickly ran inside and locked the door. I told Juanita to stay with me. We ran to help blockade the door from last time, but too late. It was in the house! We screamed and ran to the front door. I quickly unlocked the door, and we ran for our lives. We were constantly hiding for hours till it ran off at the same time as yesterday.

    We went back home the next day. We were soaked and tired. I called a friend to help us out. We explained the whole story, and he was shocked. He gave us food and a place to stay. We also had a plan to get rid of the were wolf. We worked on it and got it ready for that evening.

    Juanita and I were at our house when we heard the growl. We turned around, and there it was. We took off running to our friend's backyard. We yelled "Now!" A cage was dropped on the werewolf. We also set a spiky snare trap so every time he struggled, the spikes dug in. We finally caught it at last.

    We kept an eye on the werewolf so he wouldn't escape. On the time he runs away he kept whimpering till the sun came up. It screamed then disappeared in a puff of smoke. Apparently the sunlight was lethal to it. Finally the werewolf is gone for good.

    We returned to our home when the werewolf vanished. The rain stopped, and I finally had service to call the repair man. After a few moments our parents were back. They were shocked and wondered what happened. We were so glad to see them. We told them that a bad storm started after they left, and a strong surge of wind blew big trees at the house. We didn't have the heart to tell them what happened when they were gone, and hope that it never happens again.
    The only comment I have to offer is show, don't tell. The way you've written it, the story comes off as a laundry list of events. There's no emotion in it and, even more importantly for horror based work, no tension or fear. If you felt so inclined, you could easily turn this into either a very dark, traumatic horror or stick with the physical side of things and make it more of an action-based man vs. beast type of story.

    ~DragonHeart~
    Family: Psiko, Mistress Sheena, Djinn

  3. #3
    Sephiroth's Girl Home Alone sephirothsbigfan's Avatar
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    Re: Home Alone

    okay

    I am Sephiroth's girl! We will rule over you! Challenge this couple if you dare!

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