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Thread: The Book of Salvation

  1. #1
    Dark Knight The Book of Salvation Dark-Knight Luna's Avatar
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    The Book of Salvation

    Please tell me what you think, but I realize the grammar is bad I haven't spell checked it yet, just review the story 'kay? And I believe I saw a review section but I'd rather not...it makes me more nervous...

    ...
    Here it is...skip to the red for the story itself.
    ----
    -=Prologue=-

    Y:92 - D:28 - M:13
    "Hey, Jake, look over here, it's some old book!" said Jake's best friend, Ron.

    Jake responded with a quick "HOLD ON!", as he said this Ron took it upon himself to open the odd book he had found, inside was language he could not understand.

    Jake finally came over and quickly screamed out "WHAT THE HELL!?"

    Ron quickly shushed him and continues flipping through the pages, upon page 9024 (in an alien text) they found Human Dialect, the Grahlm language. The Grahlm language was invented by the man named Grahama Labm to unify the humans against the tyranny of the Reszians, meaning tiger people.

    They read on to find that it said this...


    -=Bottom of the Book of Salvation: Chapter 98=-

    I have been translating this book for 12 years now, I have grown old and weary and it is growing increasingly cumbersome to write, I fear I may not have much longer to decipher this book, please listen to me whomever acquires this artifact of legends, upon the last page I hid away a script reciting all of the letters and their translation, if anyone can finish this for me...I BEG OF YOU DO SO! This will affect all of mankind.

    Page 9025:

    There were 3 groups, all of which claiming to be the Knights of Salvation, the first group Sykes and his little brother Dain. The next group consisted of four of the best friends to exist. Their names were Leon, Galza, Cyan, and the beautiful woman Azial. The next group consisted of only 3, Hyall, Ovia, and Quezal.

    Page 9026:

    The first group of two, they named themselves the Matyr Brothers. They lived in the city of Aurial, where their story begins...

    "Hey! Sykes how are you huh, huh!?" doted his little brother, Dain.

    "I'm fine Dain, why are you here? You should still be helping mother guard the house like a good little boy."

    "No way bro! I'm too old for that stuff!" at this point screaming in annoyance.

    "Yeah, yeah, whatever Dain, just go help mom with chores."

    "Awww, fine..." Dain walks away with his head down somewhat sad that he was told to buzz off again.

    Two soldiers, Dale and Hichan come running up, exasperating and very shocked.

    "What's wro---" Sykes got interrupted as the soldiers gaspingly shouted "M-MONSTER!!"

    Page 9028:

    Quickly Sykes turned to the towering white gate and saw a massive black dragon with a purple underlining and several shadow knights raiding and burning the once safe city, they were quickly advancing towards that position.

    Sykes sweated as his underlings reported this news, and suddenly felt his muscles contracting, suddenly he remembered his brother may very well be in danger, without hesitation he runs towards his house, half out of fear and a need to hide, half out of his fear for his family. As he was running he heard a loud boom and looked up, upon which grasping sight of a house falling down. He stood there frozen, as the house fell ontop of him, crushing his bones.

    Meanwhile, Dain had also seen the advancing black flames, and stood there shaken, afterwards running for his life, ignoring his mom's warnings completely working out of instinct. His mom chased closely after him to secure his safety, the boy however stopped in his tracks and the mom had accidentally ran into him. They both looked up with horror, completely surrounded by the black flame enveloped knights of yore. They raised the hilt of their blade and quickly both had seen nought but the blackness of hell.

    Page 9029:

    The village of Vallani, the Paradise of Aqua.

    A young boy by the name of Cyan. The first thought that came into his mind as always, was to report to Master Galza for his training, so he sleepily stumbled out of bed and went to put on his training gear. 4 bracelet-like weights, each weighing of around 104 ibs, and the red cloak that he had earned for becoming a fire knight. As he leaves the house that he loathes so deeply, he sees the two siblings coming up to greet him. Azial and Leon, they are half-raszians, and greatly descriminated against in the village, but they've found a liking for Cyan since he did not give much thought to them being Halflings.

    "Hi Cyan, how are you?" she gaves a warm smile as she asked, coming off as a pure maiden.

    "I'm fine, but I need to go learn under Master Galva, sorry I can't really talk right now."

    Leon finally catches up and says in a very cool manner, "Yo, anything up Cyan? I heard Chief Telleth was looking for you."

    In a quick response his eyes grow and bulge, "WHAT!?"

    "Cool down man, just go to the chieftans house, Master Galva is there to."

    Page 9030:

    Cyan enters the chieftan's house, being followed by his two best friends, he

    bows to the chieftan and looks up to see red Fire Knight Armor, upon this he

    bursts out in joy, forgetting his manners he screams out "YES! I'M FINALLY A

    FIRE KNIGHT!?" "Calm down Cyan!" the chief command as he slammed the

    the floor with his hands, immediately Cyan sat down and replied

    apologetically "I'm sorry Chief, it is just such a grand day for me!" "Did I not

    teach you manners, boy!?" screamed Galva almost angrily.

    "I'm sorry master!" Cyan replied as usual to this remark. "Child of the mighty

    flame knight Fel, it is now your time to journey into distant lands, the

    Shadow Fire Knights have already attacked the city of Aurial, and their

    commander had fallen. This is why it is now your turn to raise the sword of

    the Almighty and you yourself become a Holy Nova Templar. The journey will

    be perilous, and the danger unsurmountable by anyone else by that of the

    son of Fel, you must slay Zyphos, bring peace to our kingdom Young One

    Cyan." "I will be coming as well to keep you in shape and continue your

    training boy!" Cyan looked mortified, he would have to leave the village he

    beheld as his most precious gift, and throw it all away, all because of his

    own want to become a Fire Knight. He looked over at his friends, Azial

    having her hands covering her head, weeping for her only friend leaving the

    village. Leon is trying his best to console her and as her brother, protect her

    from harm. Rashly Leon screams out "Can we please come with him!? We

    may not have training but we can learn!" Everyone looked at him, including

    Azial with her soaked eyes. "What!?" exclaimed the Chief in pure shock.

    Galza began laughing in a deep thunderous boom. The Chief has his eyes

    opened, being shocked for the first time in 62 years. "I'll do my best I

    swear!" Azial quickly added in hopes she could join him, instead of being left

    in this world with nought a human friend.


    Page 9031:

    "I think that's a great idea!" Cyan overflowing with passion at the thought of

    having his two best friends along with him. "No! It cannot be done, we

    cannot allow these vile Halflings to ever accompany our last hope!" At this

    everyone looked at the Chief, the one person thought not to be prejudiced

    against them, make such a remark. Galze rebuked with a very logical answer,

    which is also very illogical for his personality "I think they should come along,

    they are very athletic and would make for lithe warriors, not to mention with

    their better sight and climbing, they would be best for scouting out the

    terrain." "No, no, no! That is enough, they cannot go along, and that is

    final!" ordered the Chief "This meeting is adjourned." he decided to add on.

    Cyan walked out thinking of how he had left behind his friends, he retired to

    his room early, feeling terrible after that meeting.


    Page 3032:

    Forest of Veilrus

    Deep in the Forest of Veilrus where light dare not tread, this forest not but a

    mile from Vallani, where the beasts dwell and eternal trees hide away. As

    the four maidens of the green rest upon to tops of the neverending sea of

    green-topped titans. The maidens of the green are called in this order of

    age, highest to lowest: Rel'Ta, Sura, Renna, and Killo. They aren't known to

    many, only a few whom have lived them should they be unlucky enough to

    enter their domain, the land by which they protect with the deadly skills of

    their mother and father.


    Page 3033:

    The father was a tiger, a fierce one no less, said to be the largest one by

    about 2 feet more than the second. The mother however was less

    fortunate, her maiden hood stolen by the tiger and being forced to give birth

    to triplits. The tiger was known as a god among beasts, and therefore did

    not hesitate in forcing the mother to have babies for him to nurture and

    teach. This did not work as well as he had hoped, the babies had come out

    as Raszians and he was soon killed by the new weapon discovered in the

    ancient world, Neolite, and the weapon was called "Gunger", or beam spear.

    As the tiger fell to the weapons of old, the mother was freed, however they

    were to late and the offspring had already been born, thus was the maidens,

    destined for one purpose, to live their days in the forest since birth with

    none to take heed. Since they had just been born, they could not fend for

    themselves and was taken in by another, a friend of the woman's and

    believed nothing should be so shunned, especially not new-borns.


    ----
    I'm better at RP'ing than writing stories...
    Last edited by Victoria; 02-05-2009 at 03:51 PM.
    SPOILER!!:

  2. #2
    Lady Succubus The Book of Salvation Victoria's Avatar
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    Newsflash, RPing is writing stories. Just along with other people.

    Also, that review section is for actual reviews, not criticism/reviews of people's written work. That's what this forum is for. >_>;

    Just clearing things up. I would also format your post for forum reading. Basically, double space your paragraphs so it won't be a huge block of painful text to read.

  3. #3
    Dark Knight The Book of Salvation Dark-Knight Luna's Avatar
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    Fixed, it is now double spaced...also I don't have word or open office so that took a bit...
    Also, rping is not writing a story with other people, it's basically just laying out a character web and acting according to how your character is supposed to act, RP'ing is -ALOT- easier than writing stories, so what'd you think?
    SPOILER!!:

  4. #4
    Lady Succubus The Book of Salvation Victoria's Avatar
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    Uh... No. I said double space the Paragraphs, not Every Line. >_>;
    And yes, RPing IS writing stories with other people. At least.. over here it is. >_>;

    Edit: I took it upon myself to edit the first few "pages" to show an example of the forum format I was talking about.

    "Creating a character web and acting like your char is supposed to act" is the same as writing a story except with a story, you're controlling all of the characters by yourself instead of other people controlling the other characters.
    Last edited by Victoria; 02-05-2009 at 03:53 PM.

  5. #5
    Dark Knight The Book of Salvation Dark-Knight Luna's Avatar
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    Please don't ever edit my posts again...
    SPOILER!!:

  6. #6
    Lady Succubus The Book of Salvation Victoria's Avatar
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    Sorry, I can't do that. It was just an example anyway. Don't get all flustered over it.
    If you don't want me to edit your posts, do it correctly. ^_^;

    And besides, if you ever do anything bad in my forums like post a bad link or something, I'll have to edit your post to remove the link. So you can't tell me not to edit your posts ever again.

  7. #7
    Dark Knight The Book of Salvation Dark-Knight Luna's Avatar
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    FINE! Don't edit my posts unless it actually deals with the forum rules. You could have just quoted it and made the margins -in the quote-.
    SPOILER!!:

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