As I had said on MSN Ann, you really have talent. This poem itself explains how much potential you have. It tells a story well and it has this dark feel to it. The wording is really nice and I hope to see more.
Ok, so I decided to start my own literature thread. I'll write pieces of stories I'm working on and perhaps even some poems(although, I've never been too big of a poetry person, so I might not post that many poems, as I rarely ever write them.) I may not update this very much, but it'll be nice to have somewhere to put the things I write.
I'll start off with one poem I wrote the night before yesterday.
I Accept
Once there was a charming man
Hardly any flaws he had.
Those sparkling eyes of hope and laughter
Now begin to break and shatter
Naïve he was to be so careless
To think he was invincible.
Unaware the worst was there
Purely in disguise behind him.
With black fingers did it grace him
Filling his blood with deadly vile
It snuck upon him least expectedly
For he thought he was untouchable.
But instead of running cowardly,
He Stares it in the face and says
“It’s an honor to meet you, sir”
Nods, then takes death’s hand.
That inner spark he always had
Will never leave his soul.
Happy he was when born,
Happy he will be at death
As I had said on MSN Ann, you really have talent. This poem itself explains how much potential you have. It tells a story well and it has this dark feel to it. The wording is really nice and I hope to see more.
I concur with Fishie Ann, it's nothing short of greatness.
It's very well written, gives a clear look into the poem's subject matter and looks more than professional.
victoria aut mors
Thanks guys I try, lol. I'll put more up later.. it's hard to find peace and quiet here right now because my siblings are moving things around..so it'll be hard to focus on writing anything.
Here's something I found in my files. It's not exactly the prettiest thing, but ah well.
Dwelling Beast
Rip it out rip it out. I don’t want you anymore
Suck the juices from this pit
This blackened cloud of despair.
It kills me, it kills me. The fog remains in place.
Why does it stay, why does it stay. Please go away.
Reformed, it reforms itself. Ugly thing it is.
Blood dripping, heart gripping. Eyes burning aflare
The time it ticks. It ticks away. And sitting here I stare.
How long, how long will this last, until the mirrors are shattered..
The pooling mist of fog that spills, collecting in the air.
Breathing, living, feeling, fear. Take me from this sess pool.
This sess pool of hopelessness. Nothing. nothing. Ever nothing more.
Curse it Curse it all. It bends, it burns. It rips. It turns.
I don’t want this anymore. Take the darkness, leave the rest.
Kill it, crush it, rid it of this earth. Enough of the mockery.
Enough of the shame. Just let me rest and live in peace.
No more shadows, no more games. No more twisting of my brain.
Gone, begone, you treacherous plague.
Last edited by Violet; 04-02-2008 at 06:28 AM.
Well Ann, you heard my bit on MSN, but it's that good I have to post a comment here anyway. It's one of the most powerfully emotive pieces of poetry I've ever read and conveys it's concepts extraordinarily.
It's a great piece of literature. It's a verbal masterpiece. And beautiful in it's own way.
victoria aut mors
Wow, that's incredible. You really have potential as a poet, Ann. You really get to the point well, but without being too prosy about it. Great work; keep writing.
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