Excuses...? It sounds like you are ill-informed as to my situation, pal. Allow me to enlighten you.Originally Posted by Taco-Calamitous
On the morning in question, and, indeed, many mornings prior to and since, Two of my large younger brothers were playing Metal Gear Solid (with the volume cranked up to 75% of its full capacity). These two are on the party-all-night shift, only stopping their enjoyment to glug down some form of caffeine.
At approximately five in the morning, the older of the two decided it was time to start the turkey. They stuffed, cooked, and devoured half its meat by the time mum woke up, which caused the party to abruptly disband. The two brothers took to their heels, fleeing to their individual beds. It was at this inopportune time that I emerged from my bed covers. I found the massacred turkey, and, lingering above it, my mother, who was in one of her rare foul moods. For the next six hours she battered my ears with her "truck-driver" voice, (the legendary technique that shattered that trespassing man from the U.S. mail company in a single syllable). She was angry that her sons had cooked her turkey without mashed potatoes (Law #1: NEVER try to cheat a Minnesotan out of their potatoes).
As the only present slave, I was the sole, brave recipient of our mother's wrath, and I hadn't even breakfasted yet.
During my six hour unlawful punishment, in which I was constantly forced to stoop and clean things that I dare not mention that had been cultivating in that kitchen during the night, I alone prepared the remainder of that turkey dinner, the potatoes, the gravy, cranberry sauce... I alone painstakingly pried the meat from those cold bones, I alone toiled, toiled as the liquid boiled down into a bouillon de volaille, adding turnips and celery and wild rice with an exciting dash of cumin and bruised cilantro... Never mind, that's a bit off topic.
Anyway, the work was endless as I was hopeless. I only managed to survive it by not thinking. When finally the sun sank, mom went to retire upstairs. Now it was down these that did descend the two brothers whose crimes I had paid for, but I was unable to do more than glare at them every few minutes while eating my first meal of the day. I could swear my small intestines had shrunk during my imprisonment, but I wasn't willing to stop eating. So, with the last ounce of my strength I stowed the meal in the fridge. It was then that my sister popped in with her friend, leaving me utterly flabbergasted.
If only...if only she had called some time beforehand to let us know she was coming, then mom might have lightened up a little and I totally would've waited until they got here before I made a pig of myself... as it was, my brothers danced about, entertaining the guests while I swam between semi-consciousness and brain-deadism. Then our mother woke up and came down. She had no idea those guys were coming to dinner. She immediately began spewing orders. "ALL OF YOU GO OUTSIDE AND PICK PERSIMMONS! WE'RE MAKING PIES!"
The pies tasted good the next morning.
I rest my case.
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