"Sleety-Pie? SLEETY-PIE! Damnit, you lazy horse! Guess I'll have to prepare this turkey myself." The Ice King turns on the oven that presumably is in this room, plucks the feathers off the dead turkey, rings its head off, and puts it back on the platter. His stomach rumbling, he grumbles to himself and then looks around to see if anything else is already prepared for eating.
Fionna looks under her the folds of fat spilling out from her dirty knee socks.
It is a ring. It seems familiar. It's...
FLASHBACK TIME!!
Cruxywhores, must destroy them all to defeat the real Moldyvort, all hidden in this castle, that's why you're here, blah blah blah...
You still need to find another way out.
Originally Posted by Andromeda
Ice King searches for another way to satisfy his cravings.
Looking past the icey poney corpse/cat carrier, you see a fridge. Past experience has taught you that fridges usually contain good things inside.
The Ice King found himself in a dilemma. Here was the answer to his hunger pangs, but no minion to test it for a trap. He might also ice spike the shit out of the door, but that might ruin the contents inside. What would his solution to this problem be? "I know!" Walking back to Sleety-Pie, he grabbed the frozen cat carrier thing and slung it at the fridge as hard as his feeble old body could, and then ducked for cover behind the table.
Ice King tosses the poor pony at the fridge.
The carcass hits it with a crash, sending it toppling over. The ice trapped cat inside may have twitched a little, but nothing else of note happens.
For several seconds, the Ice King stays where he is, expecting some kind of cataclysmic event. When said event doesn't, slowly he peeks out from his hiding place to see what happened to the fridge. Sensing no danger, with a shrug he walks over to the fridge, opens it, and inspects its contents.
Finally remembering why she was in this dank castle, Fionna puts the soul ring in her backpack and looks around for a way out. She decides the best course of action would be to head the way that the pervy wizard came. He had to come from somewhere, right? RIGHT!
Fionna also decides to make use of the DUMB LADDER by picking up the biggest of the broken pieces and making a much brighter torch out of it. HA. That will teach it that SOME girls just have different body types. So nyeh!
Click at your own risk.:
Ice King opens the fridge.
You find an apple, some assorted cheeses, ham, and bread. Looks yummy!
The Ice King greedily takes all of the contents out of the fridge, cradling them in his arms, and brings them over to the table, where he sets them down and begins devouring them all. A thought occurs to him that he had come to this castle for a specific reason, but whatever that was, it escapes him right now. This food is delicious!
Fionna's survival skills allow her to create a torch from the moldy ladder's step in spite of it being very wet. The ladder howls in pain as one of its limbs is brutally severed from itself and set ablaze.
You tell it to stop being a little bitch.
Your vision expands in all the degrees (ALL of them) as the flame comes to life. At your feet is Moldyvort's Pain Pole. Perhaps it will be of use. You also notice that some of the bricks making up the wall, as filthy as they may be, protrude outward and could be used as footholds.
Ice King eats food. Food is good.
As you feed, feel a sharp pain in your insides. The meat DID taste a bit slimy and weird, but looking down you find a knife sticking out of your side. And a turkey.
"You just got STUFFED!"
Ruh-roh.
Being a wizard, you have Mage Armor, but it still stings like a bitch. You recoil in surprise. Your crown falls off and rolls across the blood-caked floor.
The turkey, feathered and with an icicle in its chest, advances on you with his axe once more.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-9gA...tailpage#t=60s
"Hmm, do I risk going up the footholds? Or continue down the sewer-way..." Fionna thinks to herself. This is a no-brainer: Going up means sky and fresh air. Dirty foothold bricks it is! But first, Fionna grabs the old wand and shoves it into her backpack. She then holds the rude ladder torch in her mouth and places one foot after another on the bricks. Fionna carefully hoists herself up to (hopefully) freedom.
Click at your own risk.:
Clutching his stabbed side, the Ice King staggers away from the advancing turkey. "Guh-goddamn feathered ****er! I even plucked and beheaded you. You want somma this?! Come get it, bitch!" Declaring his act of aggression, the Ice King proceeds to unload a volley of ice attacks on the turkey's ass. Maybe once the bird was put on ice, the king could enjoy his much deserved meal in peace!
Fionna climbs to freedom.
Your hands caress the soft, pliable wizard dung clinging to each brick as you make your ascent. It smells so bad. The ladder whispers into your ear, "I'm inside your mouth..." Truly, this would make great fetish porn for someone. Good thing there aren't any all-seeing perverted wizards around to film it.
As you make your way out, you find yourself in a grand hallway. In the center is a fountain, decorated with trumpet-bearing cherubs, who's instruments issue forth sparkling clear water. Beyond are three large statues, each of big muscular men, and behind each of them are three grand hallways. All lead into darkness.
Last edited by SOLDIER #819; 08-06-2012 at 11:18 PM.
Ice King summons a furious flurry of ice!
But nothing happens. You remember that you did not watch Adventure Time, and that if you had you would have known that Ice King can't use his magic without his crown, though it is actually impossible for you to recall something you should have known given that you did something as you never did that something to have known what you do not currently know. Life's a bitch, ain't it?
The turkey swings at you with his axe, and you only barely manage to make it out of the way, crashing on the floor beside a headless Sleety Pie. The turkey picks up the crown and equip it, but not having a head sort of gets in the way of that and it falls to the ground with another clang.
You need to get your crown back, but with no more Mage Armor, you could die. You could also run. That would be safer. How fast can a turkey with no head be, anyway?
Fionna rushes to the Cherub fountain and dunks her hands in the refreshingly cool (and CLEAN!) water. She scrubs and scrubs and scrubs, but still smells a little. Oh well. She has more important things to do now: Finding the Cruxwhores! She eyes around and sees..more hallways... Great...
"Urggh... All this walking is so boring! When is there gonna be some monster butt to kick?" Fionna swings her sword around in a fit of exasperation. She also misses her best buddy, Cake...If only there was some way to track her down. Fiona takes the old wand out from her bag and waves it around, hoping to do anything!
Click at your own risk.:
Due to being old and forgetful, the Ice King had forgotten that he was powerless without his crown. This realization was quite a devastating one to him. With a cowardly squeal, he turned and moved as quickly as he could for a good hiding place. Surely a turkey with no head would not be able to find him if he hid! And from this vantage point, he could wait for an opportunity to retrieve his crown, and that damned turkey would be done real good.
*this is why I didn't want to be Ice King*
Fionna raises the twig high and says some magic words.
And it does nothing. MEMORY TIME reveals that you are a Ranger, and lack ranks in Use Magic Device to... use magic devices. The pole does, however, pulse in your hand rhythmically. It feels a little warm and makes you rather uncomfortable. Your head hurts a bit.
Looking at your fingers, gripping the demon rod all snug, you realize there is some mystery sludge stuck under your fingernails. Eww. Better wash that off...
Ice King looks from side to side for some way out of this sticky situation, or to hide.
You see the table where the turkey had been originally perched, and seems like a good place to hide under. Sleety Pie is collapsed partially collapsed over the fridge, and the combo looks like it'd make a good shield. The door leading out looks... like an exit to the kitchen. If you run now, you may not be able to get your crown back, or Sleety Pie. But you may die if you stick around anyway.
The turkey advances on you, despite its lack of head. You assume it must be able to see you. Or hear you. Or smell you. Or feel you? Taste?
Feeling squicked out at the thought that she just might have jacked off a magic wand, Fionna shoves the now disturbingly limp wand into her bag and washes off the sticky goop from under her fingernails in the Cherub fountain. She then decides the best course of action is to TAKE ACTION. Fionna grabs her sword and torch and in a mad dash, races into the dark hallway on the right.
Click at your own risk.:
The Ice King weighs his options for a few seconds. He could run, but then he might lose his crown, and that was a no-go. No damned turkey was gonna keep him from his crown. Looking at Sleety-Pie, he grabbed the pony once again, and charged the turkey with it in front of him, letting out a mighty roar... "YAAAARRRRRRGGHHH!!"
Fionna chooses to continue onward, when...
"HALT, HUMAN!" a squeaking voice shouts from behind. The little cherub statues spring to life and buzz overheard, pelting you with water from their trumpets.
Another of the cherub statues squeaks: "To choose the path to safety, you must answer our riddle!"
The cherubs fire jets of water at the three statues, each guarding their respective hallways. They crumble away, revealing two men and one emo teenager.
The first statue-turned man on the left, cloaked in red with a big ass sword, sunglasses, and black hair striped with gray, steps forward. The word ALPHA is tattooed on his forehead.
The center statue, a man with long silver hair, an even longer sword, covered in a black cloak, and piercing green eyes. The word GAMMA is tattooed on his forehead.
The third on the right is a teen with blonde hair skimpy clothing that shows off his stomach, and a big, blue ball. On his abs is tattooed "BETA".
Another cherub chimes in: "Among these two men and one woefully beta protagonist, one speaks but the truth. The other two tell only lies! Find the truthsayer and seek his advice, so you may know which hall will lead you through this place unscathed."
Beta screeches, "Don't trust Alpha! He's a poo poo liar head! WAHHHHH!!!11"
"STOP THAT INCESSANT WHINING!" Gamma yells. "Trust in ME! Beta will only tell you lies!"
Alpha grunts, "You must trust me, Fionna, or you'll be throat-pregged by Moldyvort!"
You should consider your options carefully, lest you are to be throat-pregged by Moldyvort.
Ice King charges the turkey with great valour.
You are no warrior, however, and the voodoo turkey is surprisingly strong. Though you are able to fend off its attacks with the frozen horse for some time, eventually its axe shatters the ice sculpture in your hands and the remaining shards and contents fall to the floor.
The turkey then proceeds to lop off your hand. Blood spews from the stump.
"You better get that patched up. It looks pretty FOWL! Ha ha." The turkey raises its axe to finish you off.
Suddenly, a flash of yellow sends the turkey rolling off to the side. Cake had woken up! She looks very weak, and her teeth are chattering, but she manages to use her stretchy powers to reach for and place the crown back atop your head!
You are, however, bleeding badly. You better do something about that...
Fionna was puzzled and a little agitated as well. She wasn't a thinker! She was a fighter, dammit! But she knew she had to do her best...
"Okay, I'll give it a shot." Fionna furrowed her brows and thought long and hard about what the 2 gorgeous hottie statues had said...and the other one too.
"If Alpha were the one telling the truth, then that would make Gamma and Beta the liars. However! Gamma's claim that Beta is a liar would be the truth, even though Gamma is a liar...so the it couldn't be that answer...right?" Fionna smiled up at the cherub meekly as she continued her thought-process. "Now, if Gamma were telling the truth, that would make Alpha and Beta liars, but since Beta called Alpha a liar, that would mean there would actually be two truth tellers! So that theory goes out of the window."
Fionna's confidence in her brain-thinking skills rose as she finally knew the true path to take, though her heartgut felt heavy at the conclusion she arrived at.
"My choice is BETA!"
Click at your own risk.:
The cherubs fire off a 5-boy water gun salute in praise of Fionna's mental aptitude! The blonde-haired Beta also celebrates by showing off his stylin' water sports moves and kicking his blue ball down the nearest hallway.
"Y-you did it!" He cries out through tear-filled eyes. "I never thought a-anyone would ever... trust me... You're so k-kind..." He begins sobbing. "The safe path is right down Gamma's hallway... the center... *sniffffff*... You should be okay if you go that way..."
"... but I just kicked a Cruxywhore down my hallway. You should be able to catch it if you go right now!"
The cherubs and other bishies all collectively snigger.
"AH GAHDAMMIT!" The Ice King curses, glaring at his bleeding hand. He freezes his stump with his one remaining hand, then shoots a large, long blast of ice at the bastard turkey, intending to freeze it against a wall or whatever surface would be the most convenient. "Cat girl! Quit messing around and grab me my hand! It needs to be put on ice immediately!"
Ice King freezes his stump.
The white-hot pain searing through your arm causes you to discharge too much ice magic. This turns out to be a boon, however, as a gigantic icey ice saw grows out from the stump where your hand used to be. The turkey, slowed by the frost, nonetheless makes its way over to you.
Cake reaches out and picks up your dismembered appendage with two elongated fingers as she lies on the floor, looking somewhat unsure of what to do with it.
Last edited by SOLDIER #819; 08-08-2012 at 01:22 PM.
This unrelenting, undead turkey is really starting to get on the Ice King's nerves. It won't stop, it won't die, it continues to swing its axe like some kind of an axe murderer. Also, the bleeding from his hand had stopped, but he was still bleeding from his side, and damn it, he was STILL HUNGRY.
Then, with a smirk, he remembered his chainsaw hand. "Guess what turkey? You're about to get CARVED." The ice king sliced and diced at the undead turkey with all his might...
Ice King digs his ice saw into the turkey's frozen breast.
You continue to cut through him, slowly, painfully, and the turkey gobbles in pain. "SHARP CARVING INSTRUMENTS, MY ONLY WEAKNESS!!! NOOOOAAAAGGGHHH!!"
As you carve a path from the aorta down to the stomach, you strike something small and hard. A ring falls out along with the turkey's intestines and congealed blood.
The Ice King notes the ring, but continues to carve the turkey to pieces. He does not stop until he is satisfied that body has been cut into respectable servings. He then does his best to throw the pieces into the oven, regardless of whether it is heated enough or not, and turns the mother on high. He then gives the axe to Cake, and takes his severed hand. "Have this, and gimme that, cat. And, let's take a minute..." Ice King places his hand on the plate the turkey started out on and ices it. Remembering his side wound,wound, he tears a long strip from the bottom of his robes and ties it around himself to stop up the bleeding. Having done all this, he turns back to his food. "Keep an eye on that turkey! And eat something!" He commands Cake.
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